"Murder, not a fire. You're cousin to Lord Mark Vorkosigan, aren't you?" says the captain.
Ivan has to think for a second. "...Yes?"
"Security vid picked him up within radius of a murder. This is the first we knew of him being on the planet, but the locals want us to bring him in so they don't have to it themselves and risk mishandling a Vor lord. Seemed worth consulting you on him - the file on him's really something."
Ivan blinks. "You need to arrest Mark."
"Yes."
"...Sir. Uh, give me a while to try doing it myself. He's... I'm not positive I can succeed but I am pretty sure I can survive trying, and unless he's in a cooperative mood I'm very uncertain anybody else can say the same thing."
"He may have just killed a man."
"I'm aware. He likes me. He doesn't know you from a hole in the ground, or anybody else within fetching distance, sir. Give me his last location and a few hours? Please?"
"By yourself?"
"He wouldn't know anybody you could send with me from a hole in the ground."
The captain chews his lip. "None of your shenanigans, all right?"
"Sir, I'm not the shenanigans one, it's just contagious when m'co- my other cousin's around. I'll see if I can find him, if I find him I'll try to bring him back."
The captain eventually acquiesces. And that is why Ivan is tromping around downtown, debating whether or not to call "Mark? Mark?" like he's looking for a lost dog.
"That's," he tries to explain through his snickers, "why it's funny... it wouldn't be so funny if I didn't."
"Well, then I don't know quite what has you confused about my assertion that you're 'not that bad'. This is not really a five-star review, you do not need to prepare an award acceptance speech."
"I did kidnap you that one time," Mark reminds him. "Even though I was sorry about it. I have nightmares about not finding you fast enough. I don't know why anyone would bother with me unless they wanted a spare in case something happened to the first Miles, and no one seems to."
"That... is not high on my list of pleasant experiences, I'm still sort of claustrophobic now and again, but it's not like you shoved me in the seawall personally."
"Of course not. I made sure it was Galen. If you lived, I didn't want you attaching this face to the memory."
"Seemed like it would've been an unnecessary extra layer of hell. So I volunteered to stand lookout."
"It was the most I could do with what I had and it wasn't very good. I'm sorry. And this is exactly what I thought was going to happen... I fuck up everything I touch."
"But at least now you know what I meant, about not knowing why you put up with me. Although I don't know why that's worse than kidnapping you in the first place... I didn't know at the time where he meant to put you, but it wouldn't have mattered much if I had. I don't know. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe you wouldn't have known it was me so fast, because I wouldn't have been so happy to see you. Maybe I would've hesitated and you would've gotten away. No finding out now."
"The part that confuses me," he says after he emerges, "isn't the difference between merely being kidnapped and what came after. That I understand. I just understood it all over again, in fact. The part that confuses me is... why it makes a difference, whatever it is you learned just now that you didn't like - why you didn't already hate me just for having been the person who went and got you and brought you there."
"Social pressure?" he suggests. "Eh. I don't usually hate people."
"I wish... I wish it was as easy to help people as it is to hurt them," he says. "Maybe it is, if you're not me. Miles doesn't seem to have this problem. But the things I want to do and the things I can do don't... align."
"Oh, Miles gets me into trouble all the time. I could blame him for the other time I got kidnapped were I so inclined."