View Flat HTML
View Metadata
Search Post
The news gets worse.
The police nailed down a pattern - the guy found with the missing bones was one thing, but there were other missing persons, alternating genders, late teens to early twenties, all taken from the same part of town. Cops, including cops of the relevant age range, stalk the area, and one of them gives chase to a man who proves to be a firebender. He burns out most of a liquor store, proving it, and the cop loses him trying to meet him on the other side and goes back to help evacuate the units above the store.
There's security footage of the fire and some of the chase, rescued from the liquor store, and the media gets ahold of it.
Chali says this still isn't an Avatar matter. Beila, who has no detective skills anyway, defers to his expertise, meditates, reads her book - turns up to her firebending lesson.
+ Show First Post
roc_on
in-silk
There is another, shorter silence, and then the not-quite-perfectly-concealed sound of quick steps leaving the room.
thinklikethis
Oh good. Just what Dao needed. A chance to sit all by himself in front of the horrible beautiful bone spider and think about all the hundreds of ways he could've handled that better.
Fuck.
Fuck.
thinklikethis
The chair isn't actually all that uncomfortable, but being tied to it helps nothing. He doesn't get much sleep.
Even once he can turn his head, there isn't hardly anything to look at in the gloomy basement except for the bone spider and some bloodstains on the bare concrete floor. At least he's pretty sure they're bloodstains. He tries not to think about it too much, because his reaction is half terror and half - inappropriate.
But he doesn't really have anything better to think about.
There's the fact that it is - or was, before he totally lost track of time - the last day of school for the week and nobody's going to miss him for two days, that's a great thought. Or how about the fact that he might've just blown his chance at talking the kidnapper down by being an awkward dumbass, he could think about that. And if those aren't enough, he could think about how upset Beila is going to be when somebody at school finally reports him missing and she realizes that he's probably had his bones stolen, but it's too late to do anything about it! By the time he's been trying to drag his mind off of that one for a while, freaking out about his inappropriate reaction to bloodstains is starting to look preferable.
Even once he can turn his head, there isn't hardly anything to look at in the gloomy basement except for the bone spider and some bloodstains on the bare concrete floor. At least he's pretty sure they're bloodstains. He tries not to think about it too much, because his reaction is half terror and half - inappropriate.
But he doesn't really have anything better to think about.
There's the fact that it is - or was, before he totally lost track of time - the last day of school for the week and nobody's going to miss him for two days, that's a great thought. Or how about the fact that he might've just blown his chance at talking the kidnapper down by being an awkward dumbass, he could think about that. And if those aren't enough, he could think about how upset Beila is going to be when somebody at school finally reports him missing and she realizes that he's probably had his bones stolen, but it's too late to do anything about it! By the time he's been trying to drag his mind off of that one for a while, freaking out about his inappropriate reaction to bloodstains is starting to look preferable.
in-silk
And then he suddenly cannot move.
"You're not very much like the other ones," says the bloodbender. "I'm not at all sure what to do with you." But he doesn't seem inclined to take suggestions, because he still isn't letting Dao talk. "I really can't let you go, you know. I have no way to trust you. Anything you say could just be a lie to secure your escape."
"You're not very much like the other ones," says the bloodbender. "I'm not at all sure what to do with you." But he doesn't seem inclined to take suggestions, because he still isn't letting Dao talk. "I really can't let you go, you know. I have no way to trust you. Anything you say could just be a lie to secure your escape."
thinklikethis
And now he can talk. "Sure, fine, I can't prove anything, but come on, if I was lying wouldn't I come up with nicer lies? 'Hey so I thought about stabbing you', not exactly the kind of thing people say when they're trying to win somebody over!"
thinklikethis
"Okay," he says. "Okay." He wishes he didn't have to do this while hungry and tired and uncomfortable and slightly in need of a bathroom, but he's just going to have to deal. "How about I just talk for a while, and then you tell me if you still think I'm lying."
thinklikethis
Dao takes a deep breath. He's going to screw this up, he is so absolutely going to screw this up... fuck it, it's not like he has a better idea.
"I've been doing that, the thinking about stabbing people thing, for like as long as I can remember, and it's - I can't remember ever not hating myself over it. And I think. I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I don't have to? That maybe I can just - think the way I think, and not go around stabbing people, and that could be okay? And it's the most terrifying thing in the fucking world. The idea that I could be okay. That I could be allowed. Like I've been sitting here staring at your bone spider all night and the thought of being okay with myself still scares me more."
He discovers that he has begun to cry. He keeps talking anyway.
"It's, I don't - I have a really nice girlfriend and she's super smart and she likes me a ton, and, and she knows some stuff, about how I am, and she kind of seems to think I'm just, that there isn't anything wrong with me and there never was, and sometimes I feel stupid for not just getting over it already, but I don't think, I don't think you can really get it unless you've been there, I," he loses control of his voice for a moment and trails off into sobs.
"I've been doing that, the thinking about stabbing people thing, for like as long as I can remember, and it's - I can't remember ever not hating myself over it. And I think. I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I don't have to? That maybe I can just - think the way I think, and not go around stabbing people, and that could be okay? And it's the most terrifying thing in the fucking world. The idea that I could be okay. That I could be allowed. Like I've been sitting here staring at your bone spider all night and the thought of being okay with myself still scares me more."
He discovers that he has begun to cry. He keeps talking anyway.
"It's, I don't - I have a really nice girlfriend and she's super smart and she likes me a ton, and, and she knows some stuff, about how I am, and she kind of seems to think I'm just, that there isn't anything wrong with me and there never was, and sometimes I feel stupid for not just getting over it already, but I don't think, I don't think you can really get it unless you've been there, I," he loses control of his voice for a moment and trails off into sobs.
thinklikethis
He shivers hard, completely unable to decide whether he's comforted or terrified.
A few seconds later, he pulls himself together enough to keep going, quietly. "And. And. Look. I just think. I just think, I don't know, m-maybe you don't care at all and I'm screwed no matter what I do, but if that's true, if you're okay with yourself, then I wanna know how you did it. And if you're not, then," he sniffles, "then I wanna try to help."
A few seconds later, he pulls himself together enough to keep going, quietly. "And. And. Look. I just think. I just think, I don't know, m-maybe you don't care at all and I'm screwed no matter what I do, but if that's true, if you're okay with yourself, then I wanna know how you did it. And if you're not, then," he sniffles, "then I wanna try to help."
in-silk
The hand stays where it is for a moment, then withdraws.
A long moment of quiet, in which Dao's occasional sniffles are the only audible sound.
Then a voice. A very quiet voice.
"I don't think you're lying," he murmurs. "But I'm not sure you can help me."
A long moment of quiet, in which Dao's occasional sniffles are the only audible sound.
Then a voice. A very quiet voice.
"I don't think you're lying," he murmurs. "But I'm not sure you can help me."
thinklikethis
"Is the art project helping you?" he asks, hoarse-voiced and more aggressive than he meant to be.
thinklikethis
"Then, I mean - I don't," sniffle, "I don't want to be that guy with the stupid obvious question, but why are you still doing it?"
thinklikethis
Still kind of terrified, but oh, that hurt to listen to, it sounded so familiar...
"Want to talk about it?" he offers.
"Want to talk about it?" he offers.
thinklikethis
He gradually gets control of the lingering sniffles. His throat hurts from crying. He doesn't say anything else.
in-silk
"...I killed my father," he says, "because I thought it was the only way I could be safe. I thought... that nothing would ever be as hard or as scary as that, and as soon as I did it, I could go out into the rest of the world, and he wouldn't be there to hurt me anymore, and I could - live however people do. I taught myself bloodbending in secret because it was the only way I could think of to protect myself from him. And that part worked fine. He's dead now. But."
A short pause.
"It wasn't as simple as I thought. I don't have my father to be afraid of anymore, but I'm still afraid. Afraid of other people, afraid of doing things wrong, afraid of being noticed. I thought I could just figure out how to live like everyone else, and I mostly managed the practical parts, but... I don't know how to be okay. The only time I ever feel okay is... when I'm killing someone. And then afterward - I wonder if I really needed to do that, or if I just... wanted to make myself feel better." His soft quiet voice gets softer, quieter. "I don't like that. I thought... I thought that if I just did it enough, maybe the feeling would go away, and I could feel okay whenever I wanted, and it wouldn't matter. I thought that maybe, if I made it my whole life, I could feel okay all the time, and never be afraid again."
A short pause.
"It wasn't as simple as I thought. I don't have my father to be afraid of anymore, but I'm still afraid. Afraid of other people, afraid of doing things wrong, afraid of being noticed. I thought I could just figure out how to live like everyone else, and I mostly managed the practical parts, but... I don't know how to be okay. The only time I ever feel okay is... when I'm killing someone. And then afterward - I wonder if I really needed to do that, or if I just... wanted to make myself feel better." His soft quiet voice gets softer, quieter. "I don't like that. I thought... I thought that if I just did it enough, maybe the feeling would go away, and I could feel okay whenever I wanted, and it wouldn't matter. I thought that maybe, if I made it my whole life, I could feel okay all the time, and never be afraid again."
thinklikethis
Dao waits a second to see if more words are coming, and when it doesn't look like it, he says, "I really honestly want to give you a hug right now."