"But you eat. Corpses don't eat," says Shell Bell.

"You eat," agrees Juliet. "You heal from injuries. Do your hair and fingernails grow?"

"Golden's kind do, but slowly," volunteers Shell Bell, "if you haven't gotten to Stella's notes about her."

"I drink blood," he says. "And tea. Liquids in general. Solid food and I don't get along. My hair and fingernails do grow, yes. At the normal human rate, even."

"It makes about as much biological sense to declare you an ambulatory talking fungus as to declare you a dead human," says Juliet. "Mushrooms are not expected to have pulses or functional lungs, after all, and they're alive."

"Mushrooms do not traditionally spend time as humans and then go through something remarkably like dying before they become mushrooms," says Sherlock.

"No, you're not a mushroom, you are a vampire, but the question of whether a vampire is alive is only about as interesting as the question of whether a clone is a real person."

"But the question of whether we are arguably dead is decided, since here we are, arguing it."

Juliet laughs.

"We're arguing over whether or not I'm dead," Sherlock says cheerfully. "Perhaps you'd like to join us."

"You must be Golden!" says Shell Bell brightly.

"Golden," muses Golden. "Well, I suppose I am, at that, if I'm not being Bella. I might have gone with Cullen, but apparently my reputation precedes me?"

"Yep," says Juliet. "Stella left us notes about you." She picks up the book, in which she has just gotten yea far, and holds it up for Golden's inspection.

Sherlock observes.

"Do you have a high opinion of her boyfriend?" inquires Juliet, putting the book back in her lap.

"He threw a tantrum in my throne room," says Golden, adjusting her crown. "So not particularly."

"Me and Juliet here both have Sherlocks instead," says Shell Bell contently. "I'm Shell Bell. I'm a mint like Stella, but I don't have any of my big coins with me so I can't help Juliet - Stella didn't write about minting you, but she did give you some coins, didn't she?"

"She did. I've used them. I don't admit of mental editing and I don't have a convenient masochist volunteer, so I've just been trading for her coins directly when she finds me or my daughter or one of my staff."

"Never a convenient masochist around when you need one, hmm?"

"Not today, apparently," sighs Shell Bell.

"Here," says Juliet, offering Golden the book. "You're probably way faster at reading and writing in your profile than I am, you may as well cut in line."

"Thank you," says Golden. She takes the book. "I don't know about you - Sherlock? Peculiar name - but I'm alive in every sense that I care about, and my heart doesn't beat either."

"Whether I consider myself alive or dead depends on the context," he says. "And perhaps on whether I am trying to annoy my dear Juliet."