At the base of a mountain, someone puts a letter and a small paper wrapped parcel into a mailbox.
"Mm. Part of the problem is that anything you could use to help me fix the exploding mountain, you could also probably use to really fuck me up, and you seem nice but I don't really know you that well."
"That's fair. I think actively meddling in your magic in a helpful fashion's not a thing that I could make happen in any reasonable amount of time. It's the kind of thing that takes a brilliant wizard a couple of years of dedicated hermitude to pull off. Conceivably the explosion could be contained in some way - a wizard could probably move the entire mountain to another plane of existence - but that doesn't seem to actually solve the inherent problem. If you need more time to think or more mental space to think in or something, I can probably help with that in some way."
"The mountain exploding also kills me and my daughter and all the people I kidnapped, whether or not we're on it at the time. What do you mean by mental space to think in?"
"There are potions that improve long term memory, working memory, and make it easier to process information and make inferences. Some more permanent items, too, but it'd be easier to get you a potion for it. I don't think you work like a wizard or a sorcerer or something, but plenty of spellcasters find that sort of thing helpful."
"Hmm. Sounds maybe useful, but how long does it last? If I was going to fix the mountain the fast way I'd expect it to take a month or two straight, no breaks including to sleep, and if your memory potions helped with that but only lasted a day they wouldn't make it worth trying."
"Ah, yeah. A potion wouldn't work, there. Something more permanent would be better for something that long."
"I won't turn down magic memory-helping artifacts if you find me some."
"Sure. But then there's the problem of how I don't know you very well, either. That's not to say I'll stand here and play trust tug of war, just. I feel it's only fair to warn you that I will probably rig any magic artifacts I give you to at the very least teleport away if this does turn into a grudge match. Not that I want that to happen, just. Cards on the table. I try to be fair."
"Yeah, that's reasonable," he says. "And I appreciate the honesty."
"Sure. I appreciate the calm and reasonable conversation. I uh - have not actually had a lot of these, the change is nice."
He laughs. "Oh? What do you usually get instead?"
"Oh, you know. Things like, 'Your blood will feed our elders, your bones will go to our dracolich god!' and 'Your soul will be tormented for all eternity!' and the like. Often there's monologing of evil plans and how I'm too late to stop any of them. Occasionally someone will ask me to join them as their second in command or something, except I won't get any say in what they're doing. I'll just be doing the complete opposite of what I'd been doing before for no reason. Because they asked me to." Eyeroll. "And clearly that is sufficient motivation."
"That's just silly. If I was the evil-plans type and wanted your help with them I'd at least try to seduce you or something."
"... That has happened. The attempt, I mean. It didn't, ah. Succeed."
"Aww." He laughs. "Sorry, that didn't look like a comfortable memory."
"It's fine. It was just... memorable. She seemed to be under the impression that showing up in my bedroom and making suggestive comments at me would reduce me to an obedient quivering puddle. Shockingly, it did not."
"Maybe don't try to seduce me. Or at least pick a better method than 'show up in my bedroom in the middle of the night in a third of an outfit.' I felt a little insulted on behalf of - well, maybe not men everywhere. People that are interested in women everywhere, maybe."
"I promise if I try to seduce you I will do a much better job than that. Not that I'm planning on it particularly."
"Thanks. I... think."
"But anyway. When do you next expect you'll want to kidnap someone for torturous purposes? And is there something in particular that you're looking for in a torture subject?"
"I was thinking of going out sometime this year but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I pick people that I find attractive and I think will have interesting reactions."
"Are you willing to hold off on snatching anyone for a little while, see if I can find you anyone that you find attractive and likely to react in an interesting fashion that wants to be there?"