"That was positive energy, yeah? Are you a wizard and a cleric? Which god?"

If Tet wanted to be nameless, he wouldn't've wasted effort telling him a name.

"Tet", he says, "the God of Games."

Not exactly, but close enough I guess.

"I know a guy, you should meet him. I bet you'd get on great! Would you be coming back here often?"

90 days later, Robaldo is desperately clinging to the side of the cliff face, in pouring rain, failing to pass a strength check to hold onto a slippery rockface even though he's tied on and is in no more danger if he let go.

50 feet beneath him, the farmer's lost lamb is screaming, the smell of blood from its broken leg noticable to anything that could, hypothetically, notice that kind of thing even through the rain.

This was way more fun in his imagination.

For a vermin with 0 intelligence, the spider isn't completely dumb. It can climb faster than that idiot and knows it.

There's a snack already here though, to grab first. It'll climb into the ditch, poison the injured lamb, web it first and then kill the human.

From the top of the cliff above, he drops throws his boulder.

A boulder as large as he can carry, would be comically large even before [Enlarge Person] (W/C, 1) and [Ant Haul] (W/C, 1).
It's not that large though. Only 175 pounds, about 8 gallons. At least this way he can really throw it properly.

Maybe he improvised it, using strange barbarian magics to turn anything into a weapon.
Maybe he found it under Siege Weapons (Ammunition), for barbarians who wish they were siege weapons.

Idiot. I can see it coming. If you're attacking me I'll climb up the cliff to kill you both, and just dodge as it passes me.

And even if you score a hit you'll at best break a leg. I have seven more and they grow back.

As the boulder passes him on it's way down, he presses his back against the wall of the cliff, sticking his arm out in front of him, and breaks his wrist from the impact.

But he is, technically, touching it.
And it is, technically, a weapon.

and thanks to the casting of [Magic Weapon] (W/C, 1) a minute ago before he climbed onto the cliff face, it's a Magic Weapon, with an enhancement bonus.

[Resize Item]- Touch, Wizard 3. Silver calipers worth 25 gp.

Target one weapon or suit of armor weighing up to 25 lbs./level.
You alter a magic weapon or suit of armor to be up to two size categories larger or smaller.
If the spell on a resized suit of armor ends while the armor is being worn, the armor falls off harmlessly.
If the spell would cause an item to grow too large for the area containing it, its growth halts just before that point.

I've got 5 levels of Wizard and 2 from Magical Knack, thanks.

Since when are you a 3rd-circle Wizard?

Yesterday afternoon when we suffocated all your children.

There is no gap left now between the wall and the boulder, and it grows while falling and hits earlier than a 0 int vermin would expect.

Under that much rock, it doesn't really matter how many hit points you have. Small buildings can't survive it either. The barbarians got a few extra at his real strength limit to throw after, just in case, at least until the Enlarge runs out.

The noise it makes is unpleasant at a Barbarian's constitution score, and Sickening at Robaldo's.

Good job, Cleric! You sure are playing the game properly! And having fun, too, while you're at it!

But if I give you another cleric circle now, you'll come off thinking I'm some God-of-killing-Spiders.

He didn't even have an Int score, I don't want to reward that kind of behaviour.

"Wow Twiggy, that did him in! So what's the next step of your master plan?"

"Plan B is I wait for dawn to get my spells back, and heal my wrist.
Then wait for it to stop raining, climb back down, and walk back to civilization.
Plan A, maybe you could pull me back up?"

This is going to hurt, isn't it.

Yesterday Afternoon

"We go in the cave door and kill them all?"

"There's way too much spiderweb near the entrance, there's probably way too many to deal with.

The big one will get back before we're done, and this is the only entrance so we'll be trapped inside.

The villager said it'll rain tomorrow. I propose we collect all the dry wood while we can, pile it up at the entrance, light it on fire, and let the smoke kill most of them. They'll try to avoid the flames and any that make it through you can stab and I'll acid splash."

They make it back to the village, even with the rain and Robaldo wimpering the whole way and the barbarian dragging a sack of eight enormous eyes as proof and because an alchemist said he'd pay gold for them.

They stop by the farmer and apologise about the lamb, it was too late, already dead when they found it.

And at the tavern they tell the story, as both have been taught from countless adventurer's stories told before.

The Spider gets bigger with every sentence, until the eyes look too small for the rest of it.

And the barbarian slew it, with the greatest stone any man has ever lifted, dropped from atop the sheer bluff not two hours away that many of the locals have personally walked to, although it is still taller in the story.

Most of the locals and travellers hear that story.

But some notice a few details.

Like the first circle spell, usually used in construction work, that tripled the barbarians carrying capacity. So he could have more rocks to throw before the spider got there.

That's not a combat spell? Why would a wizard prepare that, or a god grant it, if you're going to fight a spider?

And "Resize Item"? Powerful adventurers use that with Enlarge Person, sure. A giant's sword with no giant to wield it is no boon at all. But these guys picked a giant's boulder even before it was cast.

Since when is that how it works?

Some of them are noticing these buffs aren't adding together, they're multiplying.

Hauling 3 times what he could otherwise, to throw the stone with what was near to a Barbarian's strength to begin with.
Enlarged to twice the height, 4 times the strength, to throw it.
And then Resizing the rock already thrown, 4 times as tall and, multiply, 32 times as heavy?

At this point the casters done, what, 99.7% of the work?

Some of them want to know about that.

Robaldo tells them of his god, who came to him in a chess game, to tell him that the world has good moves and bad ones and you should pick the one that makes you Win. That just as you would in a game, you can pause to think for five minutes in real life, to try to be clever, to do something unexpected, to get yourself some advantage. It doesn't always succeed but it's worth trying.

As much as he has guessed of Tet's nature and teachings, which is only maybe 70% correct, but close enough for those with wisdom to guess more.

He tells them of luck, and how it'll average out in the end, so if on average you're winning you should keep playing even if you lose, but if on average you're losing you shouldn't even start.

And he tells them how to calculate, like a wizard or a merchant would, whether it's a winning game.

And a few of the gamblers realise for the first time that they're being tricked, robbed, every time they step foot in that place, even if sometimes it seems like they've benefitted.

He tells them of a a wizard's true potential: The value of options. If you can do one thing well, and you are put in many different situations, you will struggle and lose in most of them. If you have many skills, many tricks, of many different kinds, and if you know how to apply them creatively, you can find a way to win even in challenges you're not prepared for, that you had no warning would come. It'll usually turn out you've got something that can be used to Win, not always but usually, and usually is enough that it you keep playing eventually luck will repay you for it.

That this isn't only true of wizards, that often one is best off making sure one has as many options as possible, so that no matter what happens one will have at least one option that is good. That this is why freedom is so valuable, and democracy so valuable, to have a choice of ruler instead of just whichever one Hell gives you.

It seems to go down well, at least in Andoran.