"I feel like I should be writing this all down in a little chart but it's hard to make charts while adrift among the stars. Being not dead any more, you say? Who gets to be not dead anymore?"

"Most people! Well, most witches. Even if you are a neutral you can buy it from somebody to be immortalized, and not in song. Different ways for different species, you will have to pick one if you be several."

"Then I'd better hear all the ways to be immortal so I can write them in my imaginary chart."

"Well, even neutrals age slower and gracefuller. Daeva don't age at all but have nothing special to fix it if hit by a truck. Dryads do, but do it backward fast if they be turned into a tree for a while, and regrow from their seed - starting again as an elementary schooler but with their memories coming back next week - if they die anyhow. Aurai steal life from other people by talking at them - inconvenient to not want to do this and have something to say. Sylphs do not age and if they have a misfortune will become a spirit cocoon crystal, very pretty, come back eighteen days later. Empusa insufficiently biological to age; dunk remains in bloodbath to restore to unlife if necessary. Erinyes don't age and if dying will evict a soul from somebody to hermit crab in there; putting this off for a hundred years possible with ritual sacrifice sorts of deaths. Elves don't get very old and shrines respawn elf dead like save points. Pharon make a super tasty magic food that de-ages them and can revive them from dead. Fairies do not age but have no special comeback tour plans."

"Oh, I wouldn't like to hermit-crab someone out of their body, that just sounds like a hassle for everyone involved. So far I like fairies for throwing such good parties, and sylphs and elves for having what sound like the best solutions to mortality, and empusas for being so glamorously vampiric, and walking through walls and having my very own fairy ring both sound like tremendous fun... but I can't be four things so someone will have to get kicked off this reality show. What else differs between the four of them that I could use to choose?"

"Expensiveness - fairy ring costs ten whole points, a third of your starting wallet. Walking through walls is only three, empusa turning into a mist only five. Affinities - sylphs are wind and soul, fairy soul and mind, empusa blood and necromancy, elf body and nature, and the empusa perk adds wind. So if you want to be a sorceress and get all the elementalisms in-affinity anyway, least redundant option probably to be fairy or empusa, get affinities for things other than nature and wind which are elements. But if you want to be not a sorceress, more elemental affinities let you do more different things, and then you maybe want to be an elf with empusa perk. And charge methods - you get all the ones for all your things that you are, so drinking blood for empusa, meditating for elf, throwing parties for fairy, hanging out in spirit-y places like historical battlefields and ruins for sylphs. Also things like how you want to look. Fairies are teeny-tiny, but a hybrid one does not have to be."

"I've never considered being teeny-tiny before! Is it terribly inconvenient? Can they fly? Also, what is a sorceress and what else could I be instead?"

"One inch and depends where you go and yes! Sorceress is one of three kinds of approach to magic. They practice things, and can do lots of elementalisms; other witches only get to buy into one elementalism they don't have affinity with. Warlocks grow fast and get loot but must have a boss to give them quests. Academics do what it sounds like!"

"A boss to give them quests? Are they interesting quests?"

"Depends on the boss! Do you want to look at your bosses or come up with a tentative autobestiary first?"

"I am full of ditherment about my tentative autobestiary but maybe my ditherment will resolve if I know whether or not to be a sorceress. Let's hear from the bosses."

Bosses! Hestia is in there, and Hecate, and Horus, and Hlín ("lot of H names...") and Caillech and Guanyin and Ixtlilton and a bunch of minor regional gods from places she's been.

"How do I tell which ones give the most interesting quests?"

"By reputation, or you can pop out of the awakening space and look them up... Hecate is a goddess of magic, very popular, quests to preserve or teach or learn or write down magic usually, but kind of amoral. Hestia mostly what I hear is that she is good at work life balance. Most of these I do not know. You can also see what loot they have on offer."

"Ooh, show me the loot!"

Hecate is offering a candle that sheds darkness and can transport you to an alternate world of darkness and reduces the component costs of some sorts of magic, an alchemical ruby that can store unlimited crystallized mana ("Kisses"), and change its denominations and eat other magic items to yield their value in mana, and a Cosmic Pearl, which can be soaked in water to make the water better for potionmaking, or melted to permanently replace one affinity with any other.

Hestia is offering a root you can use to make a house have legs and walk around, as well has some other useful house traits; a magic mirror for scrying or conversation; a gem that contains a tiny double of the bonded witch, who heals when she does and takes damage for her until it is killed; an inherited set of witch clothes that will help her with potionmaking specifically while she wears them; a set of servant dolls; and a magical brazier that will improve potionmaking and have many convenient properties when lit.

"What delightful loot. Alas, my ditherment only increases. Maybe I will look them up. Is there a secret witch internet full of witch secrets that will tell me all about these people's employment policies? Can I find reviews on Secret Witch Glassdoor?"

"There is secret witch internet! But no centralized warlock god review site, you would be looking for individuals with blogs."

"If it would be a whole research project to find out what it's like to work for these people then I should probably pass. Tell me about the differences between Sorceresses and Academics, then."

"I'm a sorceress but it is not for everybody. Affinity for all the elements - earth air fire water metal nature psychic - and also for having a familiar and jazzing it up. The wild magic of not needing sleep is cheaper for us, and one for miming things into sort of existing which is neat too. Get stronger by practicing - collect practicing points and turn them in for power points. Starts out taking like a week and a half of showing up every day like it's piano lessons, but with lots of spare time left over, to practice yourself into one more power point. Oomphiest in a fight if you might want to go places with monsters and tell them, no, bad horribear, no biting.

"Academics go for portals and potions and runes and the inscrutable motions of the stars and such. Much less of the spare time - big chunks of hours in the library memorizing the formulae and crossing the references. Full time job to get enough for a power point in a week. And that is before you make your first buy. Exchange rate gets worse every time you do this. Only warlocks avoid this problem. Budget conscious sorceresses and academics might wait years to cash in."

"It sounds like I might really like being a warlock if I could just get a good reference for any of those bosses... if not, though, I'm leaning Sorceress."

"Sorceress is fun! Do you want to take a break, borrow my magic internet connection? Works fine with your phone."

"Sure, okay, I'll see what I can make of the magic internet."

They drop back into normal reality and the witch lady releases her hands. "Network is 'Harenet', hare the animal, and password is 'mineral water', with a space no caps."

She dutifully implements these directions. Magic Internet, show her the warlock blogs!