"Early research into this stuff used crude methods to get the subject into the right mental state, mostly near-death experiences or heroic doses of LSD. That's the psychic version of shaking the vending machine until something falls out. I don't know what people do these days – I'm just a virologist. Maybe you'll find someone here who can show you the state of the art."

Morgan assumes there are hundreds of groups out there refining the methods of creating anomalies, given how fast the central directory of SCPs is growing, but that information is classified. She could look it up over the weekend if she wanted to (being a senior researcher has its benefits), but there would be pointed emails from RAISA waiting for her on Monday morning.

"Thaaaat might be a problem. His noggin was not in good shape when I found it. I could hotwire their central nervous systems together and shoot Gemini full of psychedelics but I'd be risking brain damage – more brain damage, I mean."

"Do you want me to—"

"Wow, would you look at the time? It's been five minutes!" Morgan almost-yells. "We're going to miss the opening if we don't get cracking. Let's go! If we hurry we might not have to stand at the back."

The conference center is packed with men and women and a minority of people who are neither. Some are inhuman, although never in a way that couldn't be the result of extensive and high-quality cosmetic surgery. The only commonality in the sea of attendees is the ubiquitous white lab coat. Everyone is heading in the general direction of the auditorium.

They're in time to get chairs near the back. Morgan ends up in an aisle seat behind Bonesaw and Herbert (Gemini is left to float overhead like a sad party balloon). She pulls out the brochure and looks through it again while they wait, trying to glean more of its secrets.

"Do you know who the hosts are?" asks the woman next to her. "I don't recognize their names at all."

"Neither do I. Hopefully we're about to get an introduction."

She snorts. "Hopefully the introduction ends at some point. You know events like these, they're thrown by blowhards who love the sound of their own voice."

"Been to a few, have you?"

"I've organized a conference or two in my time," she says, grinning. "Wasn't sure about this one, what with the mysterious door that turned my linen closet into a golf course, but doctors are the same all over."

Amen, sister.

At the front of the room is a podium beneath a silver screen. An overhead projector switches on, the lights dim, and the volume in the auditorium drops.

A man – woman? – person approaches the lectern.

"On behalf of myself and the rest of the organizers, I extend a warm welcome to those of us who are joining for the first time. Each of you are leaders in your field, and all of us are grateful that you were able to attend. I am pleased to see a so many familiar faces as well – yes, hello to you too – so many familiar faces in the audience right now. On behalf of the conference, thank you all for your contributions.

"On the topic of introductions, we have a normative policy of having people to introduce themselves and their personal areas of expertise in the context of technical conversations. We've found that this is the most efficient way of fostering interdisciplinary teamwork. I suppose I'm something of a partial exception, giving this speech, so I will simply say that my name is Orochimaru. Some of you may have heard of me."

Laughter ripples through the audience.

"The primary goal of the next two days is professional development. Our focus is on the sharing of practical knowledge and experience in the biological sciences, which as you know covers a wide variety of overlapping scientific disciplines. Vita brevis, ars longa, and so I will restrain myself to a few practical remarks before allowing you all to get started.

"First, we had a number of last-minute cancellations which need to be addressed. I will be filling in for Fabius Bile during today's seminar on human cloning, although my talk is one I'm sure many of you have heard me give before. Paul Moreau and Prudence Cartwright will also not be attending this year's conference. If anyone would like to take their scheduled slots tomorrow, please reach out to me or one of the other organizers by the end of the day."

The projector switches to a photograph of Orochimaru and two other people: a horned woman and a long-haired man with an exposed ribcage. All three of them are smiling and waving.

She's going to have to find these people and talk to them, isn't she.

At least they won't be hard to find.

"Second, Celestial Greens has kindly opened their facilities to us for the duration of the conference. The fitness center, sauna, and badminton court are available on a first come, first served basis. The golf course, which I am assured is an unforgettable experience, has a signup sheet for tee times at the front desk. The swimming pool has already been requisitioned; while it is also free to use, be warned that it currently has a substantial amount of potassium cyanide dissolved in the water and at least one occupant. The bar is open – please do not use the ethanol from the chemical stores for recreation."

"I knew this would be fun," she hisses under her breath.

"Third, I'd like to thank Celestial Greens for agreeing to work with us this year. In previous years this declaration of gratitude has been accompanied by a stern and sober warning to remain cordial towards our hosts, but this year it is less of a warning and more of a promise." The speaker rolls his – her? – eyes. "Celestial Greens is located in a pocket dimension with different metaphysics. As it has been explained to me, mortality is contagious. Should anyone visiting the country club pass away, regardless of the circumstances, expect the rest of your stay to be short and extraordinarily unpleasant. I trust that this will not be a problem? Good."

… on the bright side, this is strictly better than one-oh-six's pocket dimension.

This doesn't sound like a problem to Bonesaw.

Pass away for how long?

"This should be all that you need. Destroy your curiosity, and become stronger."

Orochimaru vanishes in a puff of smoke.

That sounded like a dismissal. The slow, shuffling exodus from the auditorium begins.