The sunset is gorgeous, as usual.

When it's over: You doing okay?

She is smiling again by the end of it.

She pauses at that. {You and Daisy both keep asking me that. I-} she doesn't know how to keep answering it. She still doesn't entirely understand why they find it so important to keep asking. She's better than she ever has been (if more confused).

Well, I'm not sure I'd notice if something was wrong, if you weren't thinking about it much. And I do want you thinking about it.

Oh. That's...weird. But. Not exactly in a bad way? She feels...cared for? In a way she hasn't before. (And she wants to argue with herself about that, because Ma'am did care for her, or Rhoda had thought she did.) She wasn't used to people telling her that how she was was important. (A vague memory of someone reacting badly to how Rhoda was feeling, to forcing her emotions back on her in an increasingly panicked loop.)

It is important, yes. Noticing what you like and don't like is the first step of doing something about it. You seem to be doing all right at noticing what you do like, at least.

Rhoda nods. I- It's strange having preferences? she admits. I...think I'm okay? Or at least...better than I was

I'd be pretty annoyed with myself if you weren't better off here than there. I want to do a lot better than that.

It's okay if you need me to go slower with it than I want to, though. That's what Daisy and I were arguing about, earlier, and she was probably right that if I'm not even more careful than I feel like I need to be, I'm going to end up scaring you. I'll try not to, but that's going to be hard, I think.

Rhoda's brow furrows. You shouldn't argue about me, it- she stops herself from saying 'it doesn't matter if you scare me', because while Rhoda might be used to it, she thinks she has a good enough read on Pradnakt to know that, currently, it would matter to Pradnakt that she had done it. And she knows she doesn't like being scared. Eventually, she settles on: Not...hard to scare me, she is self aware enough to know that. You...shouldn't worry about doing it?

I'm not worried about it, exactly? But it's not a good thing; if there's a way of doing something that won't scare you I'd rather do that, and if something I'm thinking of doing would scare you, I'd rather know, so I can decide whether it's worth it. And Daisy's better at figuring that out than I am, so I do want her to tell me, even if it takes a little bit of an argument to get me to pay attention - it doesn't hurt anything when we argue like that, it's just part of how we communicate with each other.

Rhoda hums thoughtfully, nodding slightly. But you're not... A pause, trying to figure out how to word this properly. Not really hurting each other? Just...disagreeing? (There is a slight disconnect, trying to get 'disagreeing' to not equate to 'going to be punished', but she manages it.)

Mmhmm. I want her to tell me, if she thinks I'm wrong, because maybe I am, and if I am I don't want to be.

And - well, it's the same kind of thing as with the food, with you: It'd hurt you if I asked you to do that right now, it's too much, but I want you to be able to, eventually. It's definitely something you're allowed to do, once you feel ready.

It's kind of hard to wrap her head around those concepts. But it is somewhat easier than she would've thought. And weird to be granted that seeming open ended permission. (But they did keep telling her she was allowed to make choices.) She wonders how obnoxious she'd have to be for them to decide it wasn't worth it. (She is not entirely sure how to be obnoxious, given they haven't seemed to object to any of her quirks that other people have objected to before.)

Sorry for jumping to conclusions? she offers - because she doesn't think anyone likes being thought badly of.

It's all right. I know that has more to do with what you're used to than with me.

There isn't very much you could do that I might hurt you for - basically just if you were threatening me or Daisy in a way that I couldn't stop otherwise, and that's probably impossible - maybe if you were trying to do something dangerous and it was the only way to get you to stop that, but only maybe; if you want to take a risk I'm mostly not going to stop you. There's not much I'd want you to stop doing, either, but if you started doing something like that the first thing I would do would be ask why you were doing it and try to figure out a better way for you to get what you wanted.

There's an immediate, visceral (almost scared, but not quite) feeling about how she would never hurt Pradnakt or Daisy (even if she could). Simultaneously, relief wars with disbelief, wars with hope that Pradnakt actually means that (and the evidence all suggests that Pradnakt does mean that, she reminds herself). She isn't sure what she'd want enough to take a risk that might hurt her (except if it meant that Pradnakt or Daisy wouldn't get hurt, they shouldn't be hurt, they're good).

It takes her a moment to formulate a reply. I- appreciate you telling me that? she says. (Because she even appreciates the warning that Pradnakt might hurt her if the situation calls for it.)

You're welcome.

I really don't think it'll come to me hurting you, even in that situation; I have some pretty good options for stopping people if I need to. And I know it isn't likely to come up at all.

Rhoda tilts her head. You're that sure it's not likely? (It is still good to know that Pradnakt has other options apart from just hurting people.)

Yeah. I expect you'd have trouble deciding to try to hurt me even if you had a reason to. The tone of the muted-down emotional channel changes: she finds that upsetting. On top of the fact that I don't plan on giving you a reason to.

Rhoda considers that information, it probably isn't wrong but... Why does that upset you? (There's the reflexive flinch, but it seems almost an afterthought.)

Daisy probably told you, that I killed my master when he was mistreating me? That's important. Like - it's one thing to be in that situation and just not be strong enough; that's not great, but it's just how the world is sometimes; you can always get stronger. It's something else again to not be able to do that because you think you don't deserve to, or just fundamentally aren't allowed, or whatever. That's just wrong. You always deserve to make decisions about how you want your life to be. Everybody does.

There's a disconnect in there somewhere. Rhoda can understand the concepts, can agree with them applying to everyone but her. Trying ends up with her brain looping around to 'but you deserved it' (for talking back, for not being better, faster), and 'you don't learn otherwise' (echoes of lessons lashed into her skin and mind). Both thoughts have a different voice to her own internal one attached - Ma'am's from the clarity of the words - telling Rhoda this even as she tries to apply what Pradnakt's telling her logically.

It's scary but she wants to believe that she should be able to make decisions. (The few she's made here have made her feel...powerful, sort of, not quite, almost in control. She hasn't disliked the feeling.)

Deep breath; sigh. You don't have to be good enough, or well-behaved enough, or agreeable enough, or smart enough or knowledgeable enough or whatever enough. Everyone gets to make decisions about their own life. Even awful people, not that you are one.

She can't believe that - not that part of her doesn't want to. But this conversation is making Pradnakt unhappy, irritated?

I- She pauses, reminding herself that decisions are important. And. She doesn't want to fight back, but... I want to believe that, she manages (although the declaration is a little unsure, and whether she wants to believe that she gets to make decisions, or isn't any of the things she's been told she is, is not exactly clear).

Nod. Well, that's a start.

I should meditate and work on my forms. You can have a shower if you'd like, get ready to go look at some more art.

She'd forgotten about the art, and the thought of seeing more makes her smile. She likes the idea of a shower as well, and slides out of the tree. Thank you, ma'am.

She heads inside, but finds herself stopping at the door into Pradnakt's room. She's pretty sure that she has permission to go in to use the shower but can't quite make herself cross the threshold. She rocks on her feet, trying to make herself take the necessary steps.

Daisy is sitting at the table, writing something; she looks up after a moment. "Do you want me to start the shower for you?"