"Who are you thinking of?" Erastil asks, leaning forward in excitement. "Desna might be a good choice, you both love Chaotic Good, but I'm not sure she wants to be tied down. Shelyn is entirely uninterested in romance in spite of her portfolio, I have spoken with her about it extensively, so that is the wrong tree to bark up. But I've often spoken with Sarenrae about the possibility of matrimony. And if you aren't set on a god there are many options among the demigods--"

"I wasn't thinking of getting married! Just. Um. Recreational activities?"

Erastil looks scandalized. "You're going to love a woman and abandon her?" 

"That... was my idea, yes. --Look, Erastil, I'm just not the marrying type. I'm far too irresponsible for any woman to want me as a husband. I show her a good time and keep my mouth shut."

"Before you were a god," Erastil says. "Being a god naturally involves responsibility. It's what separates us from the demon lords."

Don't remind him. 

"I will definitely take marriage under consideration," Cayden says, "given my-- change of circumstances-- but I don't want to rush into anything. Since we'll be together for literal millennia. Marriage is for life! Or, uh, existence?"

Erastil nods. "A responsible approach."

"But in the meantime I'd really appreciate guidance on how to have godsex. I know that you-- value chastity and all-- but you can see that chastity is much less important among gods? Since it's not like a goddess can get pregnant, and I can make myself legible to her to show her my intentions, and the gods don't really care about... reputation... as much?"

Cayden crosses his fingers. 

Erastil looks a bit grumpy about this logic.

"I helped you with the vineyards!"

"You seem like a nice young man," Erastil says severely, "but you need to settle down and take your duties more seriously."

Why is Erastil exactly like his clerics. 

"It's trade, isn't it? I can tell you about sex in bodies-- and eating food in bodies, and all the rest-- and you can tell me about sex as a god. You're really getting the better end of the deal. Learning a lot more."

"All right."

"Cool! So, uh, how do you do it?"

"Well," Erastil says, "I spread myself out under her. I feel her warmth on top of me and around me and inside me. She grows wet, and her wetness caresses me, sometimes harsh and pounding, sometimes gently seeping deep into me. I begin to grow, reaching towards her. My fragile body unfurls, hungry for her--"

"...uh, Erastil, is that sex, or is that farming?" 

With genuine confusion, Erastil asks, "There's a difference?"

???!?!?!!!!!?!?!!

"I will send you a packet."

"Thank you."

Meanwhile--

There are certain criteria for whom Cayden's first cleric should be. Someone with good judgment, a sense of the best way to get what they want out of every situation, the ability to change their mind, so that they can deftly handle the difficult process of starting a church, and won't set precedents Cayden doesn't want to live with. Someone kind and gentle, with nearly infinite sympathy for the weak and vulnerable, the downtrodden and oppressed. Someone who knew him in life, well enough to guess what his teachings would be, to reduce the intervention cost of having to explicitly teach them. Someone who started a business owned by the workers, with herself not as the boss but as the person who happens to be specialized in paying the bills and finding customers and giving good advice. Someone he trusts, not merely with his life-- Cayden has trusted a lot of fuckers with his life-- but to do right by people Cayden had promised to take care of and to keep the secret of exactly how powerful he was and to say "you have to do this, it's important and I can't tell you why" only in situations where Cayden would agree he had to do it if he knew everything. 

Someone whose selection will let people know that this is a different fucking kind of church. 

Cayden traces out selecting Thais in Foresight. Not because he expects her to be a bad choice-- he knows how brilliant and compassionate she is, mortal memories filtered through godintelligence and godwisdom to reveal depths that he had never understood as a human, however much he had loved her-- but because he doesn't want to wrong her or the children they have together by choosing her. 

(Whatever else Thais is, she will always be his friend first. All of his clerics are always going to be his friends first.)

When he's satisfied, he drops five cleric circles on her. She's sleeping; she'll find out in the morning.

Once he would have trusted that Thais was smart enough to figure out something to do with any problem he gave to her, even though he didn't know what it was. Now he knows that Thais will immediately summon an azata and question it about what's going on, and he has a probability distribution about the exact wording with which she'll call him an idiot. 

He loves her so much.

Meanwhile--

Cayden sends Desna the shape of a problem. 

Desna thinks this is possible and is willing to help. 

And Cayden and Desna join together and--

(--one day, when Cayden skipped school to swim in the river, he found a bag, and he opened it hoping there would be money, and instead there were puppies, and he tried to rescue them but they all were dead, all except for one with a floppy ear that looked up with the most trusting eyes, and Cayden named him Thunder--)

(--and Cayden's parents made it clear what they thought of having a dog, but Cayden snuck food to Thunder and played catch with him and he grew and they went on all their adventures together, sneaking into places they weren't supposed to be and stealing from the rich and learning to do backflips and playing Adventurers and letting bullies know exactly what happened if they bothered kids who were little or slow or walked with a limp--)

(--and when Cayden killed his first monster it was Thunder who had drawn the first blood, and when Cayden left for the wilderness for the first time he slept with his arms around Thunder, and when Cayden was poor he fed Thunder before himself, and when Cayden was rich Thunder had the finest steaks and a gold-plated collar that Cayden didn't pawn until there was a really fucking good reason--)

(--and as Cayden got more powerful Thunder didn't exactly keep up, but you couldn't find a better watchdog for a camp, and illusionists never included smells in their illusions, and whenever he growled at someone Cayden knew they were bad news--)

(--to be clear, the moneylender said, you're getting this loan so you can buy a Greater Restoration for a dog, and Cayden looked him straight in the eye and said I'm not paying you twelve percent interest per year to ask questions--)

(--Cayden stabbed the Norgorborite cleric in the stomach and leaned in close to his ear and said I would have slit your throat quickly if you hadn't kicked my fucking dog--)

(--bartenders around the Inner Sea knew to toss Thunder a bit of sausage if you wanted Cayden to come to your pub and buy four rounds of drinks for everyone there--)

(--and Thunder got older and slower, but Cayden got stronger and faster, and at some point Cayden was keeping him in fights as a handicap and so he would feel included, and Thunder was the calmest dog, never bothered by a Teleport, the only time he barked was when the fight was dangerous enough that Cayden had to leave him home--)

(--wizards are secretive, you never know what spell is only known by one guy in Tian Xia, so Cayden never gave up hope that someday he'd find someone who could Raise a dog--)

And, as Cayden's body walked to go explain the Cayden situation to the weakest azata he could find, a dog bounded up to it and jumped on its chest and licked its face, and Cayden laughed and fell to the ground and hugged him and for a moment everything was all right.