Phew. He sneaks into the living room and grabs the Bible off the table and sneaks back out as quickly as he can manage without making any noise.

Oh no, now he has to walk close enough to hand it to her. This is not actually any more dangerous than interacting with her at all but he still takes several steps back once she has it.

The book is very nicely bound, with very perfect and regular letters on the cover reading "The Holy Bible".

She regrets being so alarming to him but it's not really among the top ten urgently confusing things about this situation.

" - I'm actually going to need someone to read the holy book to me, angelic truespeech doesn't grant literacy."

Oh. He had heard that some demons couldn't touch bibles but "can touch them, can't read them" also sort of makes sense.

". . . Okay." He can. Sit on his porch and read the Bible out loud to a demon. "Should I just start at the beginning?"

"I imagine so?"

Then he will read Genesis at a brisk pace until she interrupts or her translation magic (?) runs out (?). Seven days of creation two trees serpent apple exile. This is the weirdest thing that has ever happened in his life and potentially qualifies as weird on the scale of history in general.

When the translation magic runs out her wings shrink and fold back into her. 

She kind of expected they'd have gotten to a high-level overview of the afterlife situation and the teachings of the relevant god by now. Oh, well, most gods can't be as reasonable and strategic as Aroden.

:I'm not going to be able to understand more, I'm sorry, though you could switch to thinking it at me. It seems...complicated. I'm most interested in the part where God manifests in the world as a human? I know someone who is planning to do that and if He can thereby make sure no one goes to Hell that'd be pretty great.:

She knows someone who's planning to what. Also is she reading his mind. He didn't know demons could read minds except for maybe telling what sins you've done.  

He tries thinking I can skip to that part especially loudly in case she isn't reading his mind, and skips to fairly near the end. And then skims over several more verses of begats and starts thinking loudly about Joseph receiving an explanation of Mary being impregnated by the Holy Ghost.

:How confident are people in your world that this holy book is..correct, and isn't a manipulation by the devil of heresies?:

Nobody has ever proved any of it wrong? The angel guarding the gates of Eden is still there, geologists can see the effects of the Flood and stuff, the True Cross still exists and heals righteous people who touch it and burns the unrighteous. Also God wouldn't let the devil mess with the Bible.

:Maybe I should ask some of my questions of the angel that guards the gates of Eden, where's that from here?:

You know what, if this demon wants to go get killed by the Gatekeeper that's potentially one less problem for Bruce. And if she really is actually a person from another universe then hopefully she'll think better of it.

Uh, it's at the head of the Persian gulf. He attempts to loudly visualize a globe with Greenfield and Eden both marked on it. And just in case she's not a demon: The Gatekeeper doesn't usually answer questions and does kill anyone who tries to get into Eden. Just so you know. Maybe they'd answer questions from someone who wasn't descended from Adam but I wouldn't bet on it.

:I am not very worried for my safety. But I am - worried about the situation where Heaven's lone representative on this world doesn't answer questions and also the holy book is confusing and poorly written. And I'm puzzled about - does your God claim that He created Hell, or that Pharasma and Asmodeus did that -:

God created everything including Hell. I have never heard of Pharasma or Asmodeus. 

:Then what's He doing claiming to be Good?:

she's right

oh fuck he's contagious somehow and if he doesn't figure out how to explain theodicy like someone who hasn't been getting Ds in it right the fuck now she's gonna be damned too and she won't be able to help her alien planet

No, calm down, she's a demon, demons hate God, this is known. 

. . . He should probably explain theodicy just in case.

God and goodness are one and the same, it's just that humans have a limited perspective. God intended Hell to be only for Satan and his fallen angels, but then humans fell too, so God's perfect justice condemns us to Hell and we need God's perfect mercy to save us from it.

- okay, do we agree that, when people get tortured, that is bad for them? And not good for them? And that torturing people is a bad thing to do?

If she's a demon trying to lead people into heresy and by the grace of God has been directed to the one person who can't be led any further into heresy that . . . would explain a lot actually. But it could also be the other thing.

Yes? But God created us and has the right to judge us. Or, uh, me definitely, if you're actually from outside Creation then I don't really know how that works.

Iomedae may be delayed in responding to this statement because she is suddenly the target of a bolt of lightning. (It was not previously cloudy and continues to not be cloudy.)

God has the power to judge you, or so He claims. That doesn't make all possible judgments He issues Good! If He ordered everyone sent to Hell, wouldn't that be Evil?

....she is in the middle of saying when she suddenly jumps deftly to the side and isn't in fact hit by the bolt of lightning. 

- urgent Lay on Hands for the nearby kid! And a Resist Energy (Lightning) for him in case it happens again! And then she'll grow angel wings again so she can fly up and see who sent that!

Bruce is blind and in horrible pain for about a second and then he's fine and also the porch has scorch marks on it. And so does his clothing. What the actual adulterous fuck.

Upwards from her location is: empty sky. And eventually another bolt of lightning.

"IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO KILL ME, TELL ME FIRST SO I CAN STEP AWAY FROM CIVILIANS, YOU UNCIVILIZED LUNATIC!"

The only response is a rift opening in the sky and emitting a 14-foot-tall winged humanoid with a giant sword, surrounded by a nimbus of harsh, eye-searing light. He charges, sword raised.

...smite Evil.

He is smiteably evil. He's also moving inhumanly fast and attempting to cut her head off with one hand while throwing fire at her with the other.