...She's always liked the healing spells. (They make her look forward to physical sparring, even though she isn't exactly interested in the pain.) It feels... Really nice. 

It's a struggle, but she gets and keeps all the food down after a while.

Good. Thence, to bed.

- Are they sharing? (...Lily really doesn't want to return to her old room.)

They can, yes. For tonight.

She'll keep the cuddles entirely chaste on her end. (Unless Eldarra spontaneously changes her mind about sex.)

Yeah, that's not happening.

Over the next few days she adjusts to their new reality, to being loved, and realizes that she thinks that's... Good, actually. Because Lily's preferences had been shaped so much by her goals that she's not actually sure what her sexuality even is. Doesn't know what she likes or wants.

She'd had a similar problem with food, once, and... Something about Eldarra picking out her food for her, deciding when and how much she eats, and Lily's nausea kinda matters but not her opinion -

It takes a while of that, but somewhere deep within her, uneasily, preferences - genuine preferences, not ones rooted in her obsessive need to control what she eats - genuine opinions on food, how things taste or feel in her mouth... Slowly, shyly, those preferences begin to emerge. Lily hides them at first, because they feel... Fragile. Like new shoots of grass, easily crushed beneath the lightest attention.

She doesn't think she'd be able to have these opinions if they actually mattered. She hadn't before, when her preferences could affect what she ate. And it takes even longer for her to internalize that as a fact about herself, and apply it more broadly, and...

Finally, to decide to talk to Eldarra about it, last. 

"What is on your mind?"

"...I think a lot of my food preferences were - fake. Or - not fake, but instrumental? And I've been - noticing I can - have different preferences now, when... They don't actually matter."

"Now that I am overseeing your meals directly."

"And deciding everything that matters about them."

She hums thoughtfully. "Interesting."

"I don't - want that for everything, but... I like it, I think, for - small stuff like that."

"Surrendering totally to my will in certainly demarcated spaces?"

"...Yeah. And - even when I don't want something that's your will, if it's... One of those things I've given to you."

"Quite a bit of power, that."

"I know." She swallows. "But you've always had a lot of power over me, and - I think it'll be okay to concentrate that? And if it's not okay, if I'm being harmed - you can give that control back to me." Saying that feels like it defeats the purpose of consenting to being raped at some future date, but it's probably the mature healthy thing to say here.

"Hm."

"Very well, if that is your wish."

"It is."

"And... I want that for food, but also - I want to try that for sex, at least once it's - relevant."

"Not for at least another two years."

"Your will can just be 'do nothing' until then," she teases.

"I hope you can live with that."

"It'll be an easy test of - the idea."

"And... I don't actually know what I really want right now? All my desires have been... Instrumental. I want to find out what I actually want."

"Then, Lily, my orders with regards to sexual activities are to refrain."

"Yes, ma'am," she says with a cheeky grin.