shelter for their failing | Glowfic Constellation

take-my-blues-as-read

Pieters fires several rounds into the head of, assessing things realistically, her closest friend. Or maybe her family member, depending on how strict you are about blood ties. And then there's not a demon here, and there's not Clement here, just her and the corpse and the gun that she possesses for exactly this purpose.

She says a prayer while she unloads it, not to any specific god - probably none exist - but for his soul, anyway. It's phrased with a lot of I hopes and I prays and a fair number of mays, and no pleases, for that reason.

The alarm starts going off again, in the middle of it. She startles but then carries on over it.

And she goes to find the huddle of everyone - she has to stop to throw up in the hallway, on the way; she's not actually per se nauseous but she's crying hard enough that apparently that's what happens - and she confesses and explains why she had to and submits herself as an offering for anything dangerous she can do to help.

They don't take her up on it, but things get more dire and the angel they summoned runs out of things to turn into air (they asked to be assured of Pieters's cooperation, first, but she doesn't have the same sort of problem with angels. This one was a regular that Clement worked with, whenever anyone had medical problems above his skill grade. They're really upset that Pieters killed him, but not enough to stop them from trying to help).

So, Pieters steps out into the not-quite-airlocked portion of the station, where she cannot reasonably expect to actually help. It's the coward's way; maybe she could help if she stuck around, but. She doesn't really think so. And she doesn't really expect to have any positive-valence minutes of life left. So she tries to make it to the leak, and fails, and collapses against the nearest wall.

She dies praying for every individual soul she can think of. Just in case that helps.

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"Most of them are just glorified social networks where it means someone vouched that you're not awful and would experience social consequences if you started."

and-how-great-the-relief

"Oh."

"Making some online friends and meeting them in person and demonstrating for a while that you're okay to invite into people's spaces is the way to go there."

and-how-great-the-relief

"I think I killed eighty people," she blurts out.

"Wow. Fucked up," says the angel blankly. "I'm really not that kind of counselor so I don't know what to say but... they will all be about the same in the long run as they would've been, most likely. And you shouldn't do it again and if you might be tempted you should stay in Heaven where you can't."

and-how-great-the-relief

Pieters is overwhelmed with the simultaneous contradictory needs to provide context about why she absolutely isn't going to be tempted to do that again, and to argue that it seems pretty evil and hateworthy even if everyone ended up where they would have in a-few-to-lots of decades. And she can't start one or the other without failing to say the one she doesn't, and she can't say either because she's crying too hard again.

It doesn't seem right to be standing. She lies down on the floor.

The desk-angel waits, awkwardly.

and-how-great-the-relief

"I'm sorry I accepted a hug from you," she chokes out.

"Uh, it's fine."

and-how-great-the-relief

"Okay." She makes a tissue and uses it. "I was trying to save them."

"Oh! You really had me imagining something a lot different there for a minute!"

and-how-great-the-relief

"But I did shoot someone."

"Someone who was... trying to kill the rest of them?"

and-how-great-the-relief

"He had summoned a demon ungagged and wouldn't dismiss. Wouldn't dismiss him. And we were on a space station leaking air, and I thought it would cost our - our souls. If I didn't."