"It really is. If it's safe I'd like to study the Cat language. Though I guess we don't have time for that right now."

"It never hurt me but I might just be unusual about that, Sano was very surprised my psychic powers hadn't already driven me mad."

"It's probably not for me, then. Or Terrence. Do not let Terrence learn the Cat language."

He's strictly joking but there's an undercurrent of sincerity.

"I sort of think that if Terrence wants to take that risk it's his choice to make?

Although he hasn't in fact asked, so it's a bit academic."

"You're probably right." He sighs. "Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself if learning about so much of this stuff seems reliably terrible for you? I guess I know that intellectually but it's hard to remember in the moment. Especially when we're getting stalked by bat-beasts and I'm afraid of the sky."

"Yeah. It's... I know you don't like Sano and I know you have good reason for that but he's the only person I know who knows much about any of this and will admit to it?"

"And what he said was that-- magic, gods, all of it, it's traumatizing just to know about. He didn't want to tell me and Sal much of anything, because he thinks that just as a policy if you don't need to know something you shouldn't."

"I don't know if I think he's right about that last part, my experience is that what you don't know very much can hurt you, but-- I don't think there's anything wrong with you, for being hurt by things people are consistently and reliably hurt by."

"Is it like... shell-shock, then? I found out some pretty bad things about him at the same time I found out magic was real. It doesn't excuse him-- being really into nationalism or getting people to read the books. I don't think I trust him but I wonder if I feel so wretched about him because of the magic."

"It was like-- every decent or safe thing had been taken right then, and the only things that remained were ugly."

She shrugs. "I don't know how you'd tell or test it, whether it was that or just-- more mundane finding out that someone wasn't who you thought they were."

(She's just... sort of not bringing up how complicated and touchy her own feelings about nationalism are, right now.)

"I shouldn't have tried to hit him, honestly. I don't think he cared but I-- I guess they used to say 'flew into a passion'. Not proud of it."

"I... don't think he blames you, he was very careful about how he described it to me."

"Fair to not be proud of it, though."

"It was a damn graceful dodge."

"Enough about me going mad, though. Is that everything you talked about? I feel like a schoolchild who fell behind on lessons."

"Well, none of us have exactly been telling each other what's going on-- The fiancée's name is Evie MacQueen. Parker is a sorcerer who steals life from people to stay young forever and he's at least a century old. I also separately have other psychic powers, I can pick up impressions from objects. Some people, including me and William, visit the Dreamlands when they're asleep but that hasn't actually turned out to be relevant to anything."

"I think that was all we got to before I shut down the whole topic on the grounds that it was about to become a King in Yellow fight and we had a corpse to deal with."

"Psychic powers. Wow, congratulations?"

He's sincere in tone but not sure what one says. It seems like good evidence that active magic users aren't corrupt and evil.

"Terrence is actually pretty good-natured about criticism of the play given the effect it's had on him. I think he's convinced of his ability to win us all over. Kind of concerning. Good on you for avoiding an argument though."

"I wouldn't say I avoided an argument so much as repeatedly yelled 'different time that is not now' whenever anyone said anything but better that than nothing, I guess. Thank you."

"Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I still can't get over that you spoke with Goethe about poetry. That's going to keep me going for at least a week."

Meanwhile, after that somewhat shredding conversation with Ruby, it's nice to go home to someone who at least approves of him taking risks in the service of Evie, on account of, well, being herself.

"How was your day, my love."

"Sal knows about magic, I don't know if you know."

"We ended up all having a big clarifying chat about it. Apologies for dragging you into it."

"It was no trouble. He wanted to see a stray cat."

"You managed to lure one in?"

"Yep!"

"I bet he appreciated that. He's a bit cat mad."

There's no way to confirm that she meant 'lure it in magically', but it's a pretty reasonable assumption. "Evie can control things with human level intelligence and just doesn't know" and "Evie knows she can control humans and lied" both feel wrong. Like the can't be true.

(They slot in uneasily around the fact he loves her, and that expression he saw on her face when she asked for his help.)

"He did."

"I'm hoping you don't mind my friends being aware of you.

...not that we would be able to keep it a secret for very long anyway."

"I want everyone to be able to know we're together. That's why I want to marry you."