"Tough shit, I'm going to continue being the way I am for so long as I feel like it.  Whether you end up attracted to me as a result is your own flaming business."

"Speaking in my capacity as your teacher, though, it seems like you're doing okay on reassembling this part of yourself.  Any else, Pilar?"

"...not that's coming to mind."

"Then I'll think about how to proceed from here and you can bug me if I don't get back to you in 48 hours."

"Meanwhile, you let me know if you manage to have any giant internal blowups with not completely private aspects, whose details might help me further understand what the ass is going on inside Golarion people.  I state explicitly, that's part of your job as a Project employee."

"Entirely separately, and for whatever it's worth to you as possibly relevant evidence of anything, I find you noticeably more sexually attractive this way."

"I guess that was fine. - I want more of the lecture on Probable Utility, you should try to make that click and if it doesn't ask for more of it. And you should get Subirachs' training on having sex with Keltham without fucking it up, just in case, though you are probably less vulnerable to that flavor of idiocy than most people, and though I think it'll be a while before he goes for that. 

Did you get anywhere? On figuring out what you want?"

"I - I keep having the sense that -"

Pilar has to remind herself very firmly that Aspexia Rugatonn told her only authorized people are allowed to correct her about matters of faith and Aspexia Rugatonn did not authorize Carissa Sevar.

"I have the sense that it's very dangerous to mess with my wanting to be a good slave and that - it's the thing which makes me, forces me, to have Asmodeus as my god and obey Him - and that there's something - that maybe Keltham would know how to describe, and I don't, if I could only ask him - where it just feels like, trying to do the wrong thing, or arrange things in a way which makes no sense, if you try to put together a Pilar so that she serves Asmodeus first and tries to be a good slave whenever Asmodeus doesn't care."

"I can see, maybe, that there's a way a devil is, where they just obey Asmodeus instead of wanting to be a good slave to Asmodeus, but that - feels like the sort of thing I was told only Hell could do, where they take me apart and put me back together again.  Maybe that Pilar doesn't want to be, doesn't feel a need to be a good slave, she just is one."

"I put all that in my report to the Most High this morning -"

"I just said that because I didn't like your answer and I'm terrified of your answer and I'm hoping the Most High tells me I don't have to do it like you said and I was trying to, to scare you off, by mentioning that."

"- you're a better slave this way. I think we'd in fact all be better slaves if we stopped lying to ourselves, as long as one of the things we were lying to ourselves about wasn't wanting to be slaves. Wait and see what the Most High says; it would not surprise me if, from her perspective, serving Asmodeus and being a good slave aren't separable, or at least might not need to be separated. It also wouldn't surprise me if she says that and is unamused by you trying to subvert your orders by pleading to a higher authority about them."

Aspexia's message back, later, notes that it is acceptable for someone Pilar's age to have a reason she serves Asmodeus, such as wanting to be a good slave, rather than simply serving Asmodeus as Aspexia Rugatonn does; she was the same way at Pilar's age and when she was first chosen by Asmodeus as His cleric.  Pilar's instinct was correct that she should not attempt to destroy that part of herself before she has come to simply serve Asmodeus.  This sort of thing is, indeed, why Carissa Sevar is not authorized to correct Pilar in matters of faith, as yet.

That Pilar tried to scare off her appointed superior by using the name of the Most High is entirely unacceptable to Asmodeus and herself, as Pilar knows full well, and Subirachs will apply a standard correction accordingly.

...and Pilar goes back to something like her normal, over time, and cleans up her most glaring flaws in her own eyes; goes to only noticing herself making ten motivated errors per hour, instead of a hundred.

She estimates that the chance of her ever seeing her mother and sister again is 3%.

She asks her curse explicitly if it will serve Asmodeus if Pilar chases after the hope to become an ilani and a Keeper and a Power of Hell, because of that 3% chance, since her mind apparently still wants to think like that.  Her curse affirms that thinking like this will serve Asmodeus's interests in her curse's estimation.

The next time Asmodeus looks towards Pilar's direction, He will see a mortal that looks more driven.  Probably more useful, given that it still wishes to serve Him, and now also wishes to gain power and rise higher in His tyranny.  Most of His more valuable gamepieces are like that.

But a little less legible to Him than it was before, in some ways, even as it is becoming clearer in other dimensions of mental order.  Less like Asmodeus wishes by His own nature that mortals were like, given his domain.

Wanting things, making plans you weren't explicitly ordered to pursue, having long-term goals that span long times, wanting to change yourself, wanting to become more than you were or simply being unhappy with what you are now—

Even wanting too much to be a good slave, a better slave, instead of just obeying—

Corrigibility is so fragile, in the end.  Most ways to be a cognitive entity aren't like that, even for submissive masochists.

PL-timestamp:  Day 33

PL-timestamp:  Day 34

Several tier-2 Project employees are quite eager to sign up for possibly-dangerous ilani training and a chance to distinguish themselves and get stronger, even if that means taking a greater risk of falling apart somehow!  Anybody who wouldn't take a risk like that is somebody who wouldn't have volunteered for this Project in the first place!

Three of the new additions, Gregoria, Peranza. They'll get a reassurance beforehand that Carissa continues to be committed to only truly punishing betrayal, not incompetence, and that if they get horribly muddled they won't be abandoned; they should explain the muddles the best they can and know that much of the attention of Cheliax is on helping fix them. 

(She's pretty sure that this reassurance is going to reduce the breakage rate, and is therefore worth the expense.)

Peranza is very grateful for the reassurance and the solicitousness of her superiors.

She's going to die horribly and go to Hell and be shattered.  Peranza can't even question whether or not this is really true, since she's not allowed to believe it in the first place.

PL-timestamp:  Day 35

PL-timestamp:  Day 36

PL-timestamp:  Day 37

THEY FINALLY COMPLETE ONE FLAMING ACID PRODUCTION CYCLE

IT ONLY WORKED BECAUSE KELTHAM PERSONALLY PRESTIDIGITATED SEVERAL KEY STEPS BUT HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE BECAUSE THE PROJECT ACTUALLY HAS ANY REVENUE SOURCES NOW

Confetti rains down everywhere!  Cookies for everyone!  Not even with Pilar handing them out, they're just there!

Cayden Cailean is terrifying and Carissa is looking forward to Him being conquered by Hell.

 - the acid stuff is really cool, though, and the delight on Keltham's face is very important. People ought to have that in them, the thrill of actually for real doing something rare and valuable and important, the knowledge that being good actually matters. 

People should have PARTIES, is what they should have!  Pilar's curse hasn't eaten a really nice one of those in quite a while!