"This, wasn't, what I wanted -"

Pilar's curse knows.

Pilar was promised that her being chosen as Cayden Cailean's oracle would end up serving Asmodeus.  From the beginning, nothing was ever said of what would become of Pilar.

A horrible strangled sound comes from Pilar's throat, and then she's turning to run, running half-blind into Subirachs's office, she needs to report this to the Most High, that because she wasn't Asmodean enough Asmodeus has been deprived of two souls He could have made some use of, she needs to be hurt needs to be punished needs to be made clean of her shame and her sin, and she also knows that she'll never really be clean of it again.

Pilar's curse is sorry.

PL-timestamp:  Day 31 / Long Night

There's been time for the initial pain and horror to subside, now.

There's been time for Subirachs to put Pilar to sleep, briefly.  Time for the Most High to hear what happened.

Time for the Most High to tell Pilar that, yes, that's Chaotic Good for you, and no doubt Cayden Cailean is very satisfied with Himself about it.  But Aspexia cannot say that Asmodeus's interests have been betrayed, here.  Snack Service is continuing to do an excellent job of pretending to be helpful, to the point where even Aspexia is starting to doubt a little that perhaps there is actually some common interest Cayden Cailean has with Asmodeus.

This would have been an obvious chance for Good to turn Pilar against them, after Pilar had apparently proven herself in Elysium.

Instead Pilar has been preserved as a faithful slave of Asmodeus who can become the shape that Asmodeus desires from mortals.  That is by far the most important consideration in the eyes of the Church, which Pilar's curse has seemingly-helpfully prioritized.  The two souls lost to Asmodeus are small things by comparison.

Indeed, of much greater importance to the Church is the prospect that Pilar's guilt about losing two souls for Asmodeus will prove resistant to expiation, as could corrupt the purity of Pilar's service.  The Most High does worry that no pain Subirachs can inflict on Pilar tonight will make Pilar feel like she's paid a proper price.  That's a problem.

Because the harsh truth here is that Pilar's blunder is simply not significant.  Two souls lost to Asmodeus are a trivial price to pay for cutting loose Pilar's mortal attachments that could have tempted her away from her Lord.  The Most High would pay it a dozen times over if needed.

Yes, Asmodeus did lose somewhat for the sake of Pilar's flawedness; Pilar will pay her penance for it.  Later, after Pilar's thinking about the matter has had time to settle into correctness.  Once there is no question about whether Pilar will believe deep down that she is being punished for getting her family killed, as would be nonsense.

Subirachs will get around to punishing Pilar sometime tonight.  That will not be the punishment for Pilar costing Asmodeus two souls; it will be the punishment for Pilar being weak and foolish and not thinking about this matter correctly from the start and requiring the Most High's personal attention to correct her.

The open scorn in the Most High's voice helps, but only a little.

Her mind is still casting about, now, as she waits for Subirachs to have the time, for reasons to hope that she'd somehow someday ever see her mother and sister again.  That they'll consent to be resurrected, and then see Asmodeus's purpose, and then go to Hell with her, and also Carissa Sevar is right that what Asmodeus really wants from the ilani will be devils who remember more of themselves, and they can be together in Asmodeus's service forever.

This internal phenomenon has now been named to her by Keltham; it is 'motivated cognition'.

...does her curse, have anything, it wants to say, that isn't - isn't that.  All Pilar's mind is doing is that.

Well, if everything goes really well for you, as you define that, maybe you could become such a high Power of Hell that your mother and sister would no longer fear being Resurrected, knowing you would protect them in Hell even if someone Maledicted them or they accidentally transgressed.  They would be told that in Axis, and rejoice, and return to finish out their lives in Golarion without fear.  Maybe travel by Gate to come visit you.

...and does Pilar's curse expect that to actually happen.

That's a bit of a silly question, really.  If Pilar's curse answers 'no', Pilar will run off to tell the Most High that Pilar's curse admitted that Cayden Cailean wasn't really planning for Hell's victory the way Carissa Sevar envisions.  And if Pilar's curse answers 'yes', Pilar will run off to tell the Most High that, and the Most High will conclude that Pilar's curse is lying, and stop believing everything Snack Service said about Pilar not being used against her Lord.

Keltham would, if I told him what you just said, tell me about some Law I'm too weak and distraught to prove, showing that - that what I think of you if you refuse to answer, should be somewhere between 'yes' and 'no' because, if you answered truthfully, it would be either of those, at some probability...  No, that's only if I know you'd be answering truthfully, and then if you said, yes, sure, that would happen, I would have to believe you.

I can't - think of what the Law-fragment should be, if you might lie, but - it shouldn't be possible for you not answering, to make sense, if we're both ilani, or gods - I should just deduce, what you don't want me to see, from your not answering -

It wouldn't be possible for that to make sense if we both trusted each other, is what Pilar is seeing.  All of this is ultimately happening because people can't trust each other.

Even gods can't trust each other, sometimes, now that prophecy has been shattered.  If it wasn't for that, Nethys could just tell everyone how it would go, and everyone could just go to where they'd end up going, without there being any conflicts between mortals or gods along the way.

Like Keepers would, the true Keepers out of dath ilan.

Maybe.  Pilar's curse has never really seen those Keepers any more than Pilar has.

"Give me hope," Pilar whispers, knowing as she says it that she's asking something a Keeper would never ask, never.

Well, it's definitely true that Axis won't have told Pilar's mother and sister, as yet, any of the things that would be forbidden knowledge to return to Golarion, or let their minds shift in ways that would prevent them from returning to Golarion.  Not in a case like theirs, where they're people obviously of interest to high-level clerics, where somebody might still resurrect them after a year or two, if conditions in Golarion changed.  Pilar's mother and sister would be in the parts of Axis that were made for that purpose, that pretend to be mostly mortal, for petitioners who might yet return according to Axis's prediction markets.

...why, why would Pilar's curse, tell Pilar something like that, which only worsens the pain and makes it take longer to subside, just because Pilar was stupid enough to ask.

Does Pilar's curse hate Pilar for being contemptible and weak and stupid, will it serve Asmodeus if she's taught a lesson about that.

And if her curse said that there's a chance that Pilar could really do it, become a true ilani and then a Power of Hell; and that if Pilar then willed her family able to return to Golarion, she would be able to accomplish as she willed?  Because that above all, Keltham said, is what Keepers gain in exchange, if they succeed in changing themselves, to change the world and not only bear it witness?  Would Pilar believe her curse, if her curse said that?

"No," Pilar whispers.

Would Pilar believe Pilar's curse, if it said that it would serve Asmodeus for Pilar to believe that and chase after that hope?

"Yes."

"But that's not why Keepers believe things."

Pilar's curse sure has been dropping a lot of hints that it might actually be like that, though!

And Pilar might start thinking that's what a Chaotic Good curse might do in this situation if it was all actually true, given that it's clear why Pilar's curse couldn't come right out and say it.

She can feel the ember of hope flaring up in her heart and it burns her, painful like a sword thrust through her, agonizing like being told by her superiors that she made wrong choices from being a wrong person.

"You're cruel," she whispers.  It is heresy that she says the words so, when she was given exactly what she should not have asked for and now owes favor for it, it is heresy to call that cruel and say so like it's anything but a compliment, but she wants to hurt her curse back if she can.