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A new pamphlet appears, formatted in a manner so as to look like the more tawdry books with woodcuts recently in circulation, with contents not visible until opened:

Historical Documentation of Bedroom Conversations between a Paladiness and Magess of Identity Unknown

Translated into Modern Chelish Vernacular by the Patronage of ALFONSO VIDAL proud proprietor of ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Interior. Night. The Past. A tent in a Crusader's War Camp, where in our Two Subjects, who bear Markedly Little resemblance to Any persons Living, Dead or Ascended, can be found Reclining in Loving Embrace.

Enchanting Enchantress:
Despite the flames of Young Naive Love that fill our Earnest Youthful Hearts I sense something Troubles you? Is it the Crushing Moral Urgency of war against Hell?

Wilful Warriatrix:
No, not this time. That remains at its usual Dull Background Roar. In truth it is a Silly and Human thing, I shall not Trouble you with it.

Concerned Conjurer:
Please Do tell me your Fears My Love. I love your Human Foibles and Imperfections, and coming to understand those Deepens our Loving Bond. If, theoretically, you were ever to Reject those parts of Your Self or Lose them All Together I might be inclined to Flee our crusade and fight monsters in Distant Mysterious Tian, Until upon Slaying an Infernal Rat Demon God, I felt strong enough to face you again.

Or, if all Hope of Reunion were Lost To Me, to use my Powerful Magicks to Scour all mention of myself from the Records and Memories of Mankind. And then Cast Myself Bodily Unto the Heavens, to Dwell Alongside my Goddess. Where I might look down upon the Nation of your birth with Tearful Pride. Hypothetically.

Perfection Seeking Paladin:
Those Oddly Specific fears aside my beloved, it is a Trivial Concern that I am vexed with, which should be Far Beneath the Dignity of a Paladin of HOLY LORD ARODEN, who is Alive. But I, being a Mortal, I have not had my Vanity scoured from my soul in the Holy Fires of Heaven. And thus I look upon my Armor and Despair at it.

It is Practical, Well Made, and Utilitarian, befitting a Paladin's Virtuous Modesty. Alas it is made to Standardized Design, tailored to my Predominantly Masculine Fellow Paladins. As such it does not convey my Feminity through Tasteful Decoration or Subtle curvature, As I might like. As, while some women of our Romantic Disposition may delight in a Traditionally Masculine Aesthetic, and this is of course Good For Them. Any Priestess of Shelyn or Desna will tell you, with great Patience and Politeness in response to your Well Meaning Inquiries, that this is not a Universal Trait. And at times by Heart Yearns for Higher Standards of Aesthetic Worksmanship.

Adoring Abjuratrix:
Of course, that is well Known to those of Cosmopolitan Sensibilities who have A Breadth of Appropriate Cultural Knowledge outside Infernally Polluted Realms.

I only Regret I had failed to Observe your Discomfort, my Valiant Love. As a Wizardess I am constitutionally unsuited to the wearing of Light or Heavy Armor, no matter what Surprisingly Light Materials and Breathable Fabrics might be used in it's Construction. So I have never needed to decide between Wholesome Expression of Feminity and Protective Properties.

But do Not Fear my Love. I have seen many Merchants, especially those of the Port District, advertising "Female Adventurer Armor", let us bring Our Good Trusting Custom to them!

Charmingly Straightforward Servant of Aroden:
I do not Fear. Ever. I am a Paladin.

Fondly Exasperated Evocatie:
I use the term rhetorically love.

Chastened (not chaste) daughter of Cheliax:
Ah. Regard Less, I appreciate the Care and Affection you demonstrate towards me. But such Avaricious Merchants of the Port District that advertise "Female Adventurer Armor" are Charlatans and Braggarts, who know neither the Needs of a Practical Adventurer or those of a Elegant Woman.

For such So Called Armors that they sell are of little use, with Impractically Deep Curvature in the Chest Region, and a lack of Suitable Covering of Vital Areas. Were I to Wear such Foolish Garments a blade would be Unerringly Guided to my Heart. Or my Unnecessarily Exposed Skin scored by Infernal Blades. And their Aesthetic Sensibilities lack Appropriate Sophistication and Elegance for a Discerning Consumer.

Illustrious Illusiene:
While I see the appeals of Curvature and Visible Flesh, given my Mortal Nature and Chaotic Inclinations, I cannot deny they would not Serve Your Purpose in the Fight Against Evil. Alas it seems like in this Heroic but Primitive Age we live in there are no Respectable Merchants of Discerning Character who sell Arms and Armory that Perfectly Balance Tasteful Ornamentation with Practical Protection and Manuverabilty.

Saddened Swordswoman:
Alas I Fear the Existence of such a Fine and Upstanding Merchant is a Foolish Hope, that could only be achieved in Some Far Distant Age of Glory. No Matter. My desire for such Exceptional Quality Goods, like all Mortal Desires, I shall Suppress until I am Cleansed of it in the Holy Fires of Heaven and Perfected.

Prophetic Divinatra:
What a Tragedy it is that you must Suppress such Normal Human Desires. For, as Shelynite or Desnan Priestesses will Patiently Explain Upon Request, asking only a Modest Donation, the Desire to Express Oneself through ones Appearance and take Wholesome Pride in Doing so is Wholly Good and Natural, and Healthy. Even for a Paladin.

It is Truly Tragic that the lack of Honest Merchants and Craftsmen able to Employ Expertise From Across Avistan to Perfectly Balance Form and Function, with The Latest Innovations in Anti-Infernal Protections, and Tasteful Feminine Decorations, or Subtle Alterarations to Profile and Shape, will lead you to reject that part of your Humanity.

I only Hope this is not Symbolic of a Wider Rift that will Tragically Tear Us Apart.

Well Meaning yet Oblivious Servant of Heaven:
What was that Honey? I was thinking about ways to Destroy Hell with Holy Fire. Sorry. I get distracted sometimes.

Tired yet affectionate Transmutationatrix:
I know Dearest. I know. Let us Enjoy the time we have together in any case. Join me in our Humble Camp Bed beneath the Stars.

Subsequent events being of Little Interest to readers of Refinement and Circumspection, our Excerpt Ends.

While our Unnamed Heroines may have been Tragically Torn Apart by the Demands of Duty, such a Cruel Fate does not have to Trouble the modern Alfirinic Couple for

ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Of Liberation Street (Not Dispater Alley) is a Righteous supporter of our City's Alfirinic Community.

And as such is Providing a Special Offer for Alfirinic Couples, with a Reduction in price of up to 10% when purchasing Arms and Armor together.

Whether you need the Heavy Plate of a Paladin, or Light and Breathable Casters Robes our staff of Cosmopolitan and Knowledgable Staff will be Delighted to Assist.

Out of Dedication to the Cause of the Divine Lovers Tragically Torn Asunder, for the duration of this Most Holy Month of Sarenith, we are offering a selection of Matching or Complementary Colour Schemes for Tasteful Decoration, for No Additional Cost.

Glory to Lady Iomedae. Glory to The Immortal Star Wanderer Alfirin. Praise to our Just and Good Queen.

---

Offer available to Parties of Exactly Two Customers of Feminine Persuasion, both in Simultaneous Attendance, in Person (Letter or Scry not Accepted at This Time) Purchasing Armors or Armaments totalling above 500 Gold, in Cash, or Direct Account Transfer officiated by a Registered Cleric of Unimpeachable Abadar.

Demonstration of Alfirinic Disposition is NOT required. Trusting to the Certain Knowledge that the Curse of Virtuous but Loveless Iomedae and the Lonely Wanderer Alfirin would fall on any who sought to Falsely Claim this Generous Offer.

Enchantments sold separately.

A new pamphlet appears, formatted in a manner so as to look like the more tawdry books with woodcuts recently in circulation, with contents not visible until opened:

Historical Documentation of Bedroom Conversations between a Paladiness and Magess of Identity Unknown

Translated into Modern Chelish Vernacular by the Patronage of ALFONSO VIDAL proud proprietor of ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Interior. Night. The Past. A tent in a Crusader's War Camp, where in our Two Subjects, who bear Markedly Little resemblance to Any persons Living, Dead or Ascended, can be found Reclining in Loving Embrace.

Enchanting Enchantress:
Despite the flames of Young Naive Love that fill our Earnest Youthful Hearts I sense something Troubles you? Is it the Crushing Moral Urgency of war against Hell?

Wilful Warriatrix:
No, not this time. That remains at its usual Dull Background Roar. In truth it is a Silly and Human thing, I shall not Trouble you with it.

Concerned Conjurer:
Please Do tell me your Fears My Love. I love your Human Foibles and Imperfections, and coming to understand those Deepens our Loving Bond. If, theoretically, you were ever to Reject those parts of Your Self or Lose them All Together I might be inclined to Flee our crusade and fight monsters in Distant Mysterious Tian, Until upon Slaying an Infernal Rat Demon God, I felt strong enough to face you again.

Or, if all Hope of Reunion were Lost To Me, to use my Powerful Magicks to Scour all mention of myself from the Records and Memories of Mankind. And then Cast Myself Bodily Unto the Heavens, to Dwell Alongside my Goddess. Where I might look down upon the Nation of your birth with Tearful Pride. Hypothetically.

Perfection Seeking Paladin:
Those Oddly Specific fears aside my beloved, it is a Trivial Concern that I am vexed with, which should be Far Beneath the Dignity of a Paladin of HOLY LORD ARODEN, who is Alive. But I, being a Mortal, I have not had my Vanity scoured from my soul in the Holy Fires of Heaven. And thus I look upon my Armor and Despair at it.

It is Practical, Well Made, and Utilitarian, befitting a Paladin's Virtuous Modesty. Alas it is made to Standardized Design, tailored to my Predominantly Masculine Fellow Paladins. As such it does not convey my Feminity through Tasteful Decoration or Subtle curvature, As I might like. As, while some women of our Romantic Disposition may delight in a Traditionally Masculine Aesthetic, and this is of course Good For Them. Any Priestess of Shelyn or Desna will tell you, with great Patience and Politeness in response to your Well Meaning Inquiries, that this is not a Universal Trait. And at times by Heart Yearns for Higher Standards of Aesthetic Worksmanship.

Adoring Abjuratrix:
Of course, that is well Known to those of Cosmopolitan Sensibilities who have A Breadth of Appropriate Cultural Knowledge outside Infernally Polluted Realms.

I only Regret I had failed to Observe your Discomfort, my Valiant Love. As a Wizardess I am constitutionally unsuited to the wearing of Light or Heavy Armor, no matter what Surprisingly Light Materials and Breathable Fabrics might be used in it's Construction. So I have never needed to decide between Wholesome Expression of Feminity and Protective Properties.

But do Not Fear my Love. I have seen many Merchants, especially those of the Port District, advertising "Female Adventurer Armor", let us bring Our Good Trusting Custom to them!

Charmingly Straightforward Servant of Aroden:
I do not Fear. Ever. I am a Paladin.

Fondly Exasperated Evocatie:
I use the term rhetorically love.

Chastened (not chaste) daughter of Cheliax:
Ah. Regard Less, I appreciate the Care and Affection you demonstrate towards me. But such Avaricious Merchants of the Port District that advertise "Female Adventurer Armor" are Charlatans and Braggarts, who know neither the Needs of a Practical Adventurer or those of a Elegant Woman.

For such So Called Armors that they sell are of little use, with Impractically Deep Curvature in the Chest Region, and a lack of Suitable Covering of Vital Areas. Were I to Wear such Foolish Garments a blade would be Unerringly Guided to my Heart. Or my Unnecessarily Exposed Skin scored by Infernal Blades. And their Aesthetic Sensibilities lack Appropriate Sophistication and Elegance for a Discerning Consumer.

Illustrious Illusiene:
While I see the appeals of Curvature and Visible Flesh, given my Mortal Nature and Chaotic Inclinations, I cannot deny they would not Serve Your Purpose in the Fight Against Evil. Alas it seems like in this Heroic but Primitive Age we live in there are no Respectable Merchants of Discerning Character who sell Arms and Armory that Perfectly Balance Tasteful Ornamentation with Practical Protection and Manuverabilty.

Saddened Swordswoman:
Alas I Fear the Existence of such a Fine and Upstanding Merchant is a Foolish Hope, that could only be achieved in Some Far Distant Age of Glory. No Matter. My desire for such Exceptional Quality Goods, like all Mortal Desires, I shall Suppress until I am Cleansed of it in the Holy Fires of Heaven and Perfected.

Prophetic Divinatra:
What a Tragedy it is that you must Suppress such Normal Human Desires. For, as Shelynite or Desnan Priestesses will Patiently Explain Upon Request, asking only a Modest Donation, the Desire to Express Oneself through ones Appearance and take Wholesome Pride in Doing so is Wholly Good and Natural, and Healthy. Even for a Paladin.

It is Truly Tragic that the lack of Honest Merchants and Craftsmen able to Employ Expertise From Across Avistan to Perfectly Balance Form and Function, with The Latest Innovations in Anti-Infernal Protections, and Tasteful Feminine Decorations, or Subtle Alterarations to Profile and Shape, will lead you to reject that part of your Humanity.

I only Hope this is not Symbolic of a Wider Rift that will Tragically Tear Us Apart.

Well Meaning yet Oblivious Servant of Heaven:
What was that Honey? I was thinking about ways to Destroy Hell with Holy Fire. Sorry. I get distracted sometimes.

Tired yet affectionate Transmutationatrix:
I know Dearest. I know. Let us Enjoy the time we have together in any case. Join me in our Humble Camp Bed beneath the Stars.

Subsequent events being of Little Interest to readers of Refinement and Circumspection, our Excerpt Ends.

While our Unnamed Heroines may have been Tragically Torn Apart by the Demands of Duty, such a Cruel Fate does not have to Trouble the modern Alfirinic Couple for

ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Of Liberation Street (Not Dispater Alley) is a Righteous supporter of our City's Alfirinic Community.

And as such is Providing a Special Offer for Alfirinic Couples, with a Reduction in price of up to 10% when purchasing Arms and Armor together.

Whether you need the Heavy Plate of a Paladin, or Light and Breathable Casters Robes our staff of Cosmopolitan and Knowledgable Staff will be Delighted to Assist.

Out of Dedication to the Cause of the Divine Lovers Tragically Torn Asunder, for the duration of this Most Holy Month of Sarenith, we are offering a selection of Matching or Complementary Colour Schemes for Tasteful Decoration, for No Additional Cost.

Glory to Lady Iomedae. Glory to The Immortal Star Wanderer Alfirin. Praise to our Just and Good Queen.

---

Offer available to Parties of Exactly Two Customers of Feminine Persuasion, both in Simultaneous Attendance, in Person (Letter or Scry not Accepted at This Time) Purchasing Armors or Armaments totalling above 500 Gold, in Cash, or Direct Account Transfer officiated by a Registered Cleric of Unimpeachable Abadar.

Demonstration of Alfirinic Disposition is NOT required. Trusting to the Certain Knowledge that the Curse of Virtuous but Loveless Iomedae and the Lonely Wanderer Alfirin would fall on any who sought to Falsely Claim this Generous Offer.

Enchantments sold separately.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of Iomedae's long sword
She is triaging disaster in despite of Hell's foul Lord
She hath loosed Her mythic heroes on the vile Abyssal horde
Her army marches on!

Glory, glory, Iomedae! (3x)
Her army marches on!

I have seen Her in the Wardstones where they hold the demons back
Thus Her shield protects Her army while it readies to attack
She hath righteously triaged them to ruin and to wrack
Her army marches on!

Glory, glory...

I have read a Lawful gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my alliance so with you my Law shall deal
Let my hero, born of woman, crush Deskari 'neath his heel
My army marches on!"

Glory, glory...

She hath sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat
She defends the righteous fallen at Pharasma's judgment seat
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Her! Be jubilant, my feet!
Her army marches on!

Glory, glory...

Aroden born of Azlant died for glory over sea;
His Inheritor fights on with aid from mortals - you and me
Though this Age is not of Glory, let us live to make men free!
Our army marches on!