"Mmmhmmm." She tilts her head to nibble Leareth's finger where it's brushing her hair. "And there you have my origin story, in a manner of speaking."

"Ah." Leareth leans into her. He isn't sure why exactly his finger is being nibbled right now but it's...not unpleasant? It's kind of nice, actually. And Elfyn is warm and soft and comfortable to lean on and -  

(Wait is this more of the mind-affecting sex magic– ...of course it is, that's not even surprising, and he already knows he can't reflexively panic and Gate out so there's no point in following that mental pathway at all...) 

"- Still curious about 'Japan'," Leareth murmurs eventually, a bit vaguely. 

"It's, uh, the country that started writing this stuff first? I think? So, stories about erogames are set in Japan. I've never been to Japan. I got a quest for it but that was around when I freaked out about how much I was changing the world around me."

Leareth pulls her more thoroughly into his arms and holds and squeezes her tightly, because that feels correct.

Then he shifts so he can reach comfortably to pet her hair again, because that also feels correct. Somehow. Leareth can't subjectively tell where the feelings of correctness are coming from. Presumably they're coming from the "Erogame", in which case he almost by definition isn't going to do anything that bothers Elfyn. 

"I am curious to hear about what happened before you - got your quest in Japan and panicked about how much your power was changing things?"

Leareth previously wouldn't have expected asking this question to be useful, but it sure does seem like he's suddenly understanding much more of what Elfyn says. Even though they definitely have not had sex. 

Sometimes people have a hangup around sex-sex and they just want to hold a naked wiggling you in their lap and pet you and fondle you but definitely not have sex! That's fine! S/he supports those people!

"Uh. I put the points into BOD and looked for perks that'd give me - the being a boy and a girl at the same time thing. And then I wandered topless out to the highway - I got a quest to do it - and hitched a ride to a gay bar in Chicago. And then I, uh, gave a boy a blowjob in the bathroom, and I expected to feel terrible but instead I felt great."

Leareth is aware that it is probably almost impossible for him to do this "wrong" (whatever that would even mean), given that he is - apparently an objective on a 'quest' that Elfyn was given by the 'Erogame' and presumably if she achieves her quest and fucks him she will get some kind of additional magical powers.

Which he...is fairly sure he wants her to have. Whatever he thinks about the "Erogame" as an entity, it's already here, already acting in Velgarth, but - the channel through which it can act is Elfyn, and she is - someone who Leareth can negotiate with. Someone who seems to understand what he says to her. 

...Nonetheless, Leareth keeps feeling confused about what kind of responses to her tragic backstory will actually help, versus just - be satisfying for him to say. Maybe if he reads her mind even more closely, that will help? 

"I think that all makes sense to me, up until the point where you - expected to feel terrible? I am curious why?" Obviously there was some kind of very good reason for it - a reason that Vanyel would understand, and could probably even generate from this minimal amount of context, but that is apparently not enough for Leareth to guess. 

"Because, uh, being a slut and giving men blowjobs in the bathroom of a bar is - it's the kind of thing most people would feel sorry for you for, so you are supposed to feel sorry for yourself for them even if none of them are there. 

- my world is a little fucked up, around sex."

"...I mean, I cannot claim that this world does not have similarly 'fucked up' social conventions around sex? I confess I have perhaps not paid the closest attention to what it is like to be a young attractive woman - without powerful Gifts, since that is in itself a very different experience - in various countries in Velgarth. From the limited angle I have, I think it is...not better than that. Maybe worse, actually. I - am guessing your world might have much less of the dynamic where the nobility marry their daughters off as early as possible for political advantage, and the smallholders try to find husbands for their daughters because the familial tie will add more resources they can draw on in a crisis, and in the meantime they will have one fewer mouth to feed -" 

"Yeah, we're not poor anymore. We just have the - crud left over from that which we haven't wiped away yet, and the - lack of anything that's time-tested for the time we actually live in. 

Is that why you don't take any lovers? Because they're - all kind of broken -"

"...I would not have put it that way? I mean, in that conception of - things - I am probably also just as broken as anyone else here? I think I did have lovers, many centuries ago. Sometimes. There are mentions of it in my records but I do not remember it, exactly, and I have not prioritized re-memorizing all of the details. I - think it mattered more that I–" 

Leareth takes a breath and why is he upset again.

"- I mostly need someone to be my ally, in at least some kind of project, in order to feel close to them. And I think even very early on, sexual relationships were - not very meaningful to me, unless that closeness was there. ....And this is Velgarth and you have already heard many things about our gods." 

Leareth's breath catches. 

"...What I observed is that my lovers tended to die in horrible ways. It was not always murder - to be clear it was often not 'murder' when I died, either - but I was so much less able to protect them than I could protect myself....." 

Why is he crying. ....Okay it would make sense if someone else, for example Vanyel, were in his position, but he isn't Vanyel and this is inconvenient and distracting??

Elfyn holds him, quietly, and thinks that this is a very normal second date, as these things go. 

"I won't die unless I actually on careful consideration think that's what I want. I tell people I have one secret weakness. Well. That's it."

Leareth feels very confused and like he missed something AGAIN. 

He snuggles up against her, though, because it turns out that being very confused doesn't actually make this less nice. 

"...Your secret weakness is that you will only die if you reflectively endorse that? I mean, I– so if it were me I would want to put very many safeguards in place around that because most possible states where I would claim I wanted to die would be ones where I was under mind-control or something - but I assume you are also not stupid and would have some kind of policy like that in place, and so I am confused about why this would be a weakness? Let alone a secret weakness?" 

"Oh, just, it seems sexier to say 'you can't kill me unless you discover my secret weakness' than 'I can only die if on careful thought I'm sure I want to'."

"..........Why?" 

"Because secrets are sexy, and weakness is sexy, and power is sexy, and sensible planning for the possibility I'll outlive the human race and be the only thing around for a billion years losing my mind is not sexy."

"...I mean, the latter scenario does sound very bad for you and I would want to put substantial effort into avoiding it -" Leareth thinks for a moment, "- I suppose I might be less motivated to avoid that outcome if it were you versus most possible randomly-selected Velgarth natives, because I think you would handle it better and do more interesting and useful things with it..."

- She has literally just informed him, very clearly, that this scenario is not sexy! Maybe he should stop analyzing it in so much detail. 

"Anyway, for what it is worth, I apparently find your thoughts on - planning for even hypothetical long-term futures - to be very attractive? I am not sure if that is the same thing as 'sexy'." 

"Well, today you're the one who decides what's sexy. But really my plan is to not be stuck alone for a billion years. I get so moody if I haven't gotten laid for three days, I don't want to know what a billion years would do. That sounds like the setup for a joke about the Big Bang."

"- I don't know what the 'Big Bang' means - and I am actually very curious but I can wait - but I– I do not want you to have to be alone. ....I do not want anyone to have to be alone but I - think maybe I am starting to feel that much harder about you specifically. That might be related to your mind-affecting sex magic but I - am getting kind of tired of attempting to notice or compensate for that, especially given that your "Erogame" might be able to fix our god problem here in Velgarth and I -" 

Leareth's breath catches. 

"....I did not actually tell you about my plan for that, did I." 

"No, you haven't."

She's dealt with 'supervillains' in other worlds who had a much higher harm-to-good ratio than what Leareth is aiming for. And she liked them. And - a hundred other incremental updates - but overall Leareth is fairly sure that she is just. not. going to destroy him if he says the wrong thing right here and right now. 

(It's still terrifying.) 

"I was going to built a new god. I spent a thousand years considering the design and schematics for it. I– so I realize that this is an absurd thing to try to do, and almost everyone would fail, but I do, in fact, think that I have found and considered all of the knowable failure modes here." 

Pause. 

"......It would have required 10 million people to die. For the power source." 

(Yes he had obviously considered all the less horrible alternatives but it feels very tiring to have to go over all of that again right now and Leareth is pretty sure that Elfyn will just...understand, anyway.) 

She leans into him and buries her face in his chest. 

"Well," she says quietly. "Kind of puts the Jesus story in a new light. I bet we can come up with something better that doesn't kill anyone."

"I am sure we can." Squeeze. "....So. How would I obtain direct access to your 'erogame' magic? Assuming that is even possible. - Or that I would want to, I am not entirely decided on that yet, but I always prefer to know my options." 

"I was going to say 'I'm pretty sure that's not a thing'. Because. It hasn't happened for anyone else and the game hasn't - hasn't acted like that's an option it has. 

But I just got a quest for it, so, uh, I guess the answer is, we do that quest."

".....Huh. That is - very interesting. Also - how does it actually work, when you receive 'quests'? I think I had been somehow mentally picturing it as you receiving a - letter, or something - but nothing was actually observable to me just now."