"Good. I would have helped if you needed it, but I'm glad that you don't require it. Less trauma all around, I say."
"I don't know. Some kind of combination of a listening ear, a sympathetic figure, a shoulder to cry on, or champion that travels to another plane to put someone in prison."
"I imagine everyone who ever personally had anything to do with it is long dead."
"Yes, I wouldn't be very good at that last one. Maybe disinter a corpse and put it in prison. For solidarity's sake."
"Slipping under the door. Phasing through the wall. Down the chimney like Santa, how should I know?"
"I don't know. Pick it up with a stick, see if it explodes...? Pick it up with a stick while under shield...?"
He goes and does this thing, also retrieving a stick, and then they're both shielded. "Okay, should I be the one to pick it up with a stick?"
Nothing happens.
"Okay, uh... Tentatively going to open it, I guess?"
It's a bit difficult to do, but after some fumbling - he opens the letter's seal with the stick, safely behind the shields.
Little celebratory looking illusionary fireworks brighten up the room, in multitudes of colors. They don't even hit the shields, they're just - harmless and bright. They go away after about three seconds.
"What."
"How would you - but - magic doesn't - what, did we just get accepted to critter Hogwarts or something?"
"That would be a hell of a thing, since we haven't started it yet - safe to read it, do you think?"
"Maybe? Want me to do it? I'm not the sphinx, pretty sure they don't know or care about me."
"...Yeah, if it's like - magic entrapment words, they might either trigger only for a sphinx or yield to fairy princess powers to get you out."
He scoots forward, carefully, gets the letter out of the envelope with as little physical contact as possible, and then -
"What the fuck?"