"A little? I mean, even the very sweetest possible reaction that did not include the same sentiment would have been demoralizing."
"Awwww," says Darren. And then Bella is snuggled. "Well, good news, I do happen to love you, I am just a dork and didn't realize it for a while."
"Sorry that I'm a dork and took so long. I would have said it sooner if I'd realized."
"If I do something like it again tell Savannah. She will use her delicate touch to inform me," says Darren dryly.
"If you do something like fall in love with me and not notice, communicate with me on the subject, or otherwise do anything that would let me know it was time to report to your sister?"
"No," laughs Darren. "I meant if I'm being annoyingly dense, tell my sister, and she will tell me to stop it and I will."
Cuddle, cuddle. "Good, it now retroactively bothers me that I didn't notice sooner."
"Because it betrays a lack of self-examination or because of retroactive impatience to get on with mentioning it or what?"
"First one, kind of. It's like I missed a variable and now I'm annoyed at myself for missing it because for a long stretch of time the rest of the problem was wrong."
"... If I am I am the most ambulatory one of all time," laughs Darren. "It's an easy way to think about my head? I guess?"
"It's... Hmmm. A really complicated giant math problem? Where I weigh things that I have and their uses and how important they are to me or my goals. Then I combine certain parts of it to get what something is worth to me both resource and emotional wise and then I file it into mental priorities. So I guess it's also like a spreadsheet? And a math problem?"
"Huh. I mean, I do that, but it's all extremely verbal and felt out, not numerical at all."
Nod. "Mine's numerical. I mean there are - non-numerical parts of it, but I do tend to look over those and give them a value in comparison to other things. With numbers."
"Okay, well, what sorts of examples do you want me to give? Like - what do you want me to aim for? A lot of the time it's with a goal in mind, but once I've worked out the values for those I reuse them later."
"Mostly I want an idea what sort of scale you're working with, since I imagine it's relative value and not absolute that makes the Darren-spreadsheet behave. If I am very important does that make me worth fifty points or fifty million or what?"
"Yeah, it's relative. I don't like having large numbers just to have large numbers, they're annoying to work with, so - fifty instead of fifty million. You are very much above average at a solid 37.4. I can break down why you have this number?"
"Well there's math and reasoning behind all of these numbers, but - seven point six for intelligence and general sense-making. A solid ten for aiming it in the right direction, as in, fixing the world. Three and a half because you are systematic about it and things in general. Six point eight because I am dating you and there are reasons for that and they are good ones. Six point five because you are a super magic fairy princess and that has proven to be very, very useful. Two because you do not go about the sorts of things that you want in an immoral way. Then the last is the token point I give every sentient being ever just for being alive."
"You have all this memorized? And morality is only two points compared to nearly seven for dating you?"