"Thank you, but I'll have to decline. I also suspect we don't share a currency system, so I probably couldn't pay you anyway.

Can either of you explain HP to me more? Can you change the amount or location or flow of it?"

“What’s a currency. Is it like currents.” Pause. “You can change the amount of total HP by eating golden apples or notch apples, and you can change the amount you have by eating food or hurting yourself. Dunno what you mean by location or flow. If you get stabbed your blood flows out of the location if that’s what you mean.”

“Are you sure you don’t want any essential oils? I’ll give you a first time customer discount!”

"Currency is money, you exchange it for goods and services. We use round discs of metal, I don't have anything else on me to trade. Thank you for the offer of oils but I'm afraid even with a discount I probably can't pay."

He could pay with favors but he's only going to offer that once he knows more about the political situation here, and who all these people are.

"I'm pleased to know that blood is at least the same here. Any food can change your HP? How quickly?"

“Well, it depends on the food, doesn’t it. What kind of metal, is it iron or gold or netherite?”

(There is a noise of Ponk leaving the call.)

"They're usually a mix -- iron, yes, sometimes gold, also copper and tin. I haven't heard of netherite. We melt them down and then put them in molds.

What's the range of time for different foods -- a few hours, a day, a week? If you're starving you can't heal wounds well but it seems like HP is distinct from just being injured or not, food can't cure serious injuries on its own."

“Seconds, minutes, hours, wait longer than that and you’re hungry again so you need more food.” Fuck it, he still has some golden apples from Techno; he pulls one out of his inventory and hands it over. “Try it.”

Is this actual gold? He is revising up his estimation of Tommy's wealth.

"Thank you."

He eats the apple. He does actually feel better! It doesn't seem like anything is healed -- this might only work for actual wounds, but he does feel more energized.

He'll have to tell Lin Chen. He'll hate this.

"Do you just cover an apple in gold for this?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Pause. "Or you can steal 'em from Techno, that's mostly what I do."

"... you're advising me to steal?"

He will not be doing that, especially by himself.

"What, are you a pussy? Hey, give me your stuff, bitch." He hits the man--Sue something?--'s shoulder, light enough that he's clearly intending to be teasing with it.

He likes this kid so much. He wants to introduce him to Fei Liu.

"I don't think I will! I prefer to keep my stuff."

He won't steal because he's not sneaky and he doesn't know anyone here, so he would be caught immediately and have more trouble than usual talking his way out of it. He suspects the concept of "sneaky" is not particularly of concern to Tommy, though.

"That's what I thought you'd say. It's always, oh no I'm being robbed, I prefer to keep my stuff, never hey Tommy how are you enjoying your new possessions I bet you will use them so much better than I would. Everyone is so ungrateful."

"I'm very poor here, I need everything I have. Would you steal from a poor man?"

He's saying this in a way that makes it clear he's joking. He himself would steal from a poor man if the situation called for it, or at least send someone else to steal from them.

"I'm poor too! I'm not a fuckin' Tory, I need this shit to fight Dream. I might die this week, you know. Two can play at this game."

Does he ask what a Tory is? No, he's going to prioritize other types of information gathering. What he really needs is to find some books.

"Dream? Are you at war?

... I noticed the crater, back there. I can't imagine the amount of gunpowder it would use."

"I bet he fuckin' duped it. We're--sort of at war? I mean, it's just us now, everyone else gave up. And Tubbo. I guess that's how it all started, though, too, so, yeah, I guess we're at war. Won't be much longer, one way or the other."

Well, he understands what that's like.

"I see. Well, I don't have many resources and I can't fight, but I would be glad to offer any assistance I can."

It's even only somewhat a lie! He needs more of a sense of the source of the conflict to say for sure, but he's never had a promise problem loyalty before.

"I don't think I've heard of Dream. Is this more a civil war or is he from a different country?"

"Different country. He's all--green and smiley and shit--fucks with your head. We had our own country before he and Techno--" He points at the crater, then shakes his head, lets his hand drop back to his side. "I bet your stuff is all shit anyway. This is why we do a little r to the obbery, hmm? Techno's got enough potions and gaps he doesn't even notice unless he catches me at it, that's how rich he is. I'm a right proper Robin Hood, I am. Have a pity carrot." He hands Su a carrot.

"My stuff is shit. You steal regularly from someone who helped blow up your country?"

He really should not be surprised.

Pause, consider. Then --

"About how frequently does he catch you? Is it easy to steal from him?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's Techno, innit? It's pretty easy for me, but I'm me. I never get caught, I'm like Spiderman if Spiderman stole shit." This is a blatant lie, Techno catches him like half the time maybe more but who's counting, but it's not like Su has any way of knowing.