:What? No! …I suppose the paladins might have been trying to convince me that you should be, but I think they are just wrong. I— it is something else. And - somewhat complicated to explain:

Except that’s not true. Not really. The bare facts of the situation are very simple. He just doesn’t know how to say it in a way that won’t make everything else about this even messier. 

Okay. 

She's so calm. She's so reasonable. She's not difficult at all and she's not going to be difficult about this whatever it is.

:- Can we go back to your room or something: He so incredibly does not want to have this conversation while awkwardly standing around in a hallway.

Yeah, of course. 

What could it POSSIBLY BE - that is not a productive line of thought and not what a calm reasonable low-drama person would be thinking.

What would that person -

You know, in Golarion, everyone knows that girls cannot possibly be sad about news if you deliver it to them in bed, with tea and chocolate, she adds as they walk. This seems like one of those societal advances that Velgarth might not have discovered because of your gods hating progress, but I think it ought to still work here, at least on Golarion girls.

:- I am not trying to trick you into not being upset, here? I just want to...tell you the thing that happened. And - make sure we are on the same page about various things: 

They reach the room. He sits down on the side of the bed. 

- reaches to take Carissa's hand, because that's not against the rules for Good, he's fairly sure. 

It helps, that while he's anticipating horrible awkwardness, he can't, actually, be scared of how this might go. 

:...When I was doing the Atonement, I - nobody warned me this was a possibility!: He is still (probably unreasonably) a little bit miffed about that. :...Iomedae made me a paladin. She thought it would help us win: 

Oh. Okay. 

Congratulations.

Leareth looks into Carissa's eyes. 

:I am glad I accepted. I - it was not obvious - I had to go talk to Her again before I was convinced, which is why I was so tired after. But...She is more like me than I - had imagined was possible? And - She thinks that Good can achieve goals. That we can win this way. And...I am not utterly sure? It would be...convenient, if it were true. I want it to be true - it is all I have ever wanted, it is what I have been trying to build this entire time... That does not mean that it is true. But I am so tired of using strategies that hurt people and I am so tired of being alone and I - I am willing to gamble, I suppose. And try it this way, for a century or a millennium, to see if She is right: 

You don't have to convince me that you are acting reasonably, you know. If we're not on Asmodeus's side then we're on Iomedae's and - I told Aroden I didn't think he could win without gods backing him - obviously, if She offered, it's a sensible thing to do.

:I know I am not obligated to explain to you, but I - want you working with my organization, because you are clever and competent and goal-oriented, and you could accomplish a great deal? And you will be more useful if we are more...on the same page, about - what is important, what we are fighting for...: 

I don't want you to conquer my country and I don't want to help you do it but I'll make headbands. If you want everyone to have headbands that'll take a couple of years at least. I'll do a good job.

:...I suppose I will settle for that. Though I - think it could help a great deal, if Aroden had your advice on Cheliax. He does not want to kill any more people or destroy any more infrastructure than he absolutely has to, he just...is not willing to let it remain in Asmodeus' grasp forever: 

Leareth sighs. :I - so I spoke with the paladins about their concerns. Which are approximately that you will obviously betray me in a heartbeat if you see an opportunity to prevent us from conquering your country. This is not at all surprising to me, it is - honestly much closer to what I am used to working with than this whole Good framework. It is on me to make sure your incentives are to not betray me: 

I - don't want you to fail at your other goals. I want you to build your god. This place is horrible and it has to get better and your plan for that seems good. I don't want Asmodeus to crush you any more than I want you to conquer Cheliax. I just - 

Shrug.

I don't trust Good people to conquer a country of Evil people and - want us - want to let us live free lives -

:- Does it help at all that Aroden is not actually Good?: Leareth shifts his weight on the bed, leaning over and propping his chin on his hand. :...Also, when did you fully decide that you did not want Asmodeus to crush me? I - you seem very sure of that, now, and that is...new...?: 

It might help. That Aroden's not Good. It helped that Leareth wasn't Good and now he is and so she doesn't really want her preferences to rely on any facts about the world that might change on her like that.

I don't want everyone in Velgarth to die forever. Asmodeus would fix it, but no one's going to let Him, so.

:- I am not sure that I actually agree, that Asmodeus would fix it? I...think that from what I have heard of Hell from other sources, and of the other afterlives, Hell - really does not allow that much continuity of identity, compared to, say, Axis: 

Pause. 

:...I wonder if I could figure out interplanar Gating and take you to explore Axis. Aroden thought you would appreciate it. It does seem much more - you - than Heaven must be: 

Axis seems fine. I'd be fine with giving everyone in Velgarth Axis, if someone's got a plan to do that. Personally I'm going to get Hell, though, so there's not a whole lot of point convincing me somewhere else is nicer.

:That is a much better plan than killing ten million people for blood-power! I have considered whether it is worth contacting Abadar to ask if that is the sort of thing He could do - I think Aroden could have done it when He was a god but I am not sure when he will be again. Also I was not actually able to reach Abadar before, which is odd because I would have thought I understood Him better than Iomedae: 

Gods don't normally talk to people. I guess you're not a normal person at all. Anyway, Abadar's got a figurehead in Osirion who is the person to talk to, if you wanted to petition Him.

:That makes sense. Something else to add to my endless todo list, I suppose: Leareth is smiling slightly, though. 

(Conviction and determination and not being afraid and not being alone ever again, and it...keeps feeling like it shouldn't count, like it shouldn't be this easy somehow, but whether or not that's the case in some metaphysical sense, it does count.) 

You're happy.

:- Yes. I am. I - was not really expecting that part, either. But it is...better. I had not even really realized how afraid I was, all the time - I suppose the events of the past week have not exactly helped, but it - goes back further than that. ...I do not regret having felt that way before, when it was appropriate to the situation. But the situation is different, now, and - Iomedae was right to point out that it would take me a long time to adjust to that, and that we do not really have any time to waste, there is so much that we need to do -: 

Then I'm happy for you. Carissa has literally no idea whether that's a lie. Do you have to follow all the stupid paladin rules now or is there a secret stripped down list of sensible paladin rules that actually matter.

:- We went over the church of Iomedae's general policies and they mostly seemed reasonable to me. Not exactly the same as how I run things, but - mostly aiming at the same thing? ...They did say I should not have sex with you since you are ambiguously either my subordinate or my prisoner and apparently that is...generally considered to be a fraught and risky enough interaction that it is simpler just to say it is never acceptable: 

I am neither your subordinate nor your prisoner.

...That's not really the reaction Leareth had expected, though he's not sure what he had been expecting. 

:I had not really been thinking of you as that either, but it is - somewhat unclear what you are. I want you to be my ally but that would require substantially more alignment and trust than we, in fact, have now. ...Separately, it would be costly to upset my allies so I am not going to push it. I might attempt to ask Iomedae for - guidance on this - once it is less of a terrible idea to talk to a god again: 

He pauses, thinking. :- Or you could try that, if you wanted? I think you might be able to reach her if you think about - wanting to help me fix Velgarth's afterlife situation - that is straightforwardly something She would value as well, for most of the same reasons -?: