"I know. But - all right, it is not fair to whine about not having been warned of - that - as a possible outcome. But I would like to be fully informed of what is happening before I - make any decisions about it?" 

"You are committed to the cause of Lawful Good, and to cooperation with how it is implemented in Golarion. You want allies. You want to be able to trust them, and for them to be justified in trusting you. The thing you are - most meaningfully letting go of - is the habit of being the only person in the world with your goals. And you aren't quite ready to let go of it - if I asked you, Leareth, if you could stop stealing the bodies of children to wear as your own -"

"...I - think I could do it - if, if you asked - if you said that was necessary..." He's shivering, though. "I - I was going to dismantle that setup as soon as I find an alternative - it seems very likely that I can find one, with access to Golarion - I would really prefer not, not to actually dismantle the method until I have something else. ...If I die here I am not sure that Golarion's resurrection magic would even work, no one has tested it and the gods here might - have a way to destroy me fully before there was time to react -" 

He grits his teeth. "But - I would do it if you ask." It's one of the hardest things he's ever said. 

Shining brightly, proudly, intensely - "And if I told you that, if you were mine, if it seemed like the right tradeoff it wouldn't frighten you -"

"Oh. Right. That is the part where paladins cannot experience fear? I - worry it would be impairing when it came to figuring out whether or not it was the right tradeoff - I think that fear might be an important part of - learning from the world, remembering what to look out for... But maybe that is wrong, or outweighed by the other benefits." 

"It looks to me like your mental state and emotional security are significant operational constraints in the next month This is, in some ways, a shortcut, but when in a hurry one takes shortcuts. And you are suited to it. If you'd been born in Golarion I would have picked you, if Aroden didn't get to you first."

For possibly the first time ever, the thought of two gods having a metaphysical tug-of-war over him makes Leareth smile a little. 

- and he trusts Iomedae. He's not sure exactly when that shifted. Maybe it was in that moment that She let more of Herself brush past him - now a memory that Leareth is pretty sure he will hold onto forever. 

so much to do, a dizzying scope of it, and She would carry on alone - Leareth would carry on alone - Aroden did, carry on alone - but they don't have to

Maybe it's not that, and it's just...an update from evidence, that he finished propagating when he was talking through the Atonement process. 

He trusts Her, and if She thinks this is important and will help then he's willing to take it, even if he doesn't fully understand (probably he can't fully understand a god's reasoning, he couldn't have fully understood the god he built either, but it's still possible to - know that he would agree, if he were bigger and could see all of it -) 

She leaves. The cloak doesn't; it rests lightly on his skin, all over, radiating conviction and recognition and an additional note: that this soul is Hers, and She will find it, should anyone try interfering with it.

"....well," says Ignasi. "Ah, welcome."

...And then Leareth sighs and leans forward, supporting his head in his hands. 

"- Apparently I do need to stop talking to gods this frequently." He has a headache again, worse than before. 

They're both sort of gaping at him. 

"Well," Rovira says, "uh, the Atonement succeeded. Do you...want to take another break before we get into - going through what it means to be Lawful Good in Golarion - you should also have healing powers, I don't know how well they work on a headache from talking to gods this frequently but you could test them out -"

"You just - you should have some kind of physical correlate of your sense of being a paladin - you focus on bringing it to your fingertips, and then touch them to what you want to heal," says Ignasi.

"Oh. ...Is there a list of all of the things about - being a paladin - I should go over that too. But I think talking to Zahra about A–" he catches himself, "about Malduoni's plans, is also a high priority."

And he keeps being exhausted and then talking to gods, but - he's not afraid. There's...a sense of being safe, sheltered, of it being absolutely solidly provable that there are enough contingencies and that whatever happens, he will still be there at the end of it. 

He tries focusing in on the warm-blanket feeling in his fingers specifically. It feels different from manipulating Velgarth magic, but not categorically different. 

He can get it to well up in his fingertips, though it's not clear if there's actually energy moving or just his concept shifting.

Huh. That feels odd. 

Leareth tries touching his head, to see what that accomplishes. 

It helps somewhat, though incompletely, with the headache; it feels like he drank a lot of water and maybe some painkilling tea, though the residual headache is going to be stubborn.

"- Interesting."

Leareth tries standing up. He feels - mostly all right, physically? Maybe a little shaky, despite the warm enveloping sense of safety and conviction and boundless determination and not being alone never again. And craving a nap. His mind does feel clearer, he thinks, for the lack of gnawing background fear at an out-of-control situation. And - whether or not it's justified, to feel safe and in control and okay, he can be grateful for it. 

"I think it would be a good idea if I took a break for a while," he admits. "I might delegate speaking with Zahra to Nayoki, and she can summarize it later." 

:Nayoki?: 

:I was just wondering if you would mind sitting down with Zahra and getting a briefing on Malduoni's plans for Cheliax with the Rahadoum army?: 

:Leareth what did you DO to yourself. Are you all right: 

:Yes. I am. I am - better than all right, I think. ...The full story is - long - but I decided it was worth trying their magic that changes your visible alignment, for trust reasons, and then...Iomedae chose me...it is complicated: 

Leareth clearly needs a NAP, but as soon as she's sure he's going to do that, Nayoki is going to march back over to the shrine room and demand an explanation of what the fuck. 

:Get some rest: she tells Leareth. :I will handle what needs doing today: 

Leareth...on reflection does not feel up for explaining this to Carissa. He doesn't know how she's going to react, but it'll be complicated and messy and exactly the sort of conversation that he spends feeling incredibly confused and like he's misstepping on things he can't even see. 

He goes to the infirmary to take a nap instead. 

A world away, Malduoni - annoyed with himself for forgetting to pass it on when it was conveniently - prepares a Sending to his daughter in Velgarth, alerting her that Iomedae thought they should arrange with Iomedae's people for Carissa to get a Resurrection if she dies. (He's not totally sure that it'll work inter-world, but he should know whether or not it goes through.) 

Zahra can pass this along to the paladins, sure. You'd think Iomedae could talk to her own paladins.

The paladins are busy explaining to Nayoki what happened. "...well, Iomedae picks people as paladins if they're aligned with Her and it'll advance Her goals. So I guess Leareth is, and it does. He seemed surprised, but - She can't pick someone who doesn't want it, they wouldn't be aligned enough."