What? That's not terrible enough??

"...I mean. I don't want to, like, make him sad. And I like doing stuff with him."

“…I can understand that. But — why bring this up now?”

"...so I won this gift card in a school raffle. To a really fancy restaurant. So obviously I took Z with me."

“…oh, no.”

"Also did you know they don't give you bread refills?? This is the thing where fancy hotels don't have wifi all over again."

He still hasn't gotten over that time Valentine's job comped a trip to a conference.

“You need to stop taking that boy on dates,” he says, choosing to put off the bread conversation until later.

"I mean, I hear that, but do I? Can't we just do ... like ... friend dates? Playdates. Why does everything have to be about romance? Our culture really pushes those narratives."

He wishes he could remember some of the cool stuff from Dorothy's textbook. That would definitely drive his point home.

“…What was the lighting like in this restaurant?”

"...are we talking the main part of the restaurant or the cigar lounge."

"I had a gift card!! I told him that!!"

"...should I just. Like. Suck it up and date him? So he doesn't -- get sick of me jerking him around? And leave?"

“—no, you absolutely should not!”

“…what I mean to say is. I don’t think that would be good for either of you. And being close to him does not constitute ‘jerking him around’.”

He sighs, and leans over across the parking brake to rest his head briefly on Valentine's shoulder.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll think that over."

He sighs, and touches his shoulder.

“…he — cares about you very much. Don’t worry he’s going to leave you over this. I think it would take much more than a few candlelit dinners for that.”

"Ew. Don't say candle-lit."

He grabs Valentine's hand and squeezes it before he hops out of the car.

Valentine follows him into the house.

Camillo checks Sultana to see if Valentine bought his subterfuge.

Did he really never notice?

They’ll both figure things out eventually.

Was touching his shoulder all ri

I want him to be happy.

He loves his dad so much.

Camillo curls up on the living room couch with his phone and investigates Valentine's stats, with the comforting background of Valentine puttering in the kitchen.

Valentine’s impulse control is, as might be expected, way up. Decent volition and mood stability, low aggression, mid-high risk aversion, good IQ, average libido…

Clicking around the interface enough, he can find something that might let him inspect his spine, but it’s locked behind the “MedKit”.

Ugh. Okay, he can't buy gacha tickets for more subtools right now, he needs to save up for Cato.

In the interest of saving up faster, he should make some initial tweaks to Valentine. Something that'll have some real effect on his life -- make Camillo some real pearls -- but not hurt him, not change him from who he is. Sure, soft skin, smooth hair, that's fine, but -- okay, it's geas time.

for the next six months, don't eat meat

when Cato comes home from school, tell him the first thing on your mind

wear the pink earrings to dinner

(Which pink earrings? The ones he's just added to Valentine's wardrobe, of course.)

There. That should sow some chaos.