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Yet Another Esper Awakening
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She will open up the Twitter app and then - no she promised herself - and Traceless - that she was just going to log out. She does that. There was some family chatter on her feed but fortunately nothing about her specifically in the top few messages. She closes the app and puts the phone down again.

"Done.Thank you and I'm sorry for being...weird. I...think you're trustworthy not to read things on purpose but..."

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"It's fine, I have ever wanted something to be private in my life!"

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"Of course. I would...normally only ask somebody to look away for something like that if I...didn't trust them. So I wanted you to know that it's just the ...magic brain weasels. But maybe you have...a higher default level of privacy than I..normally do, so it's less..marked."

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"I have private notes on my entire life and don't want anyone to read them."

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"Like journals? I respect that."

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"Yeah, like journals."

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"I have attempted journalling but...talking to people usually works...better. A journal cannot introduce a new perspective."

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"I can't do my notebooking thing when I'm backlashed even slightly, I'm very much in my own head for it."

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"Oh. So maybe you...understand..some of my current...frustration. This conversation is..non-zero helpful but...there is too much I can't say like this. And once this week is over...I think it will probably not be worth it to fight it much."

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"Yeah. I've never met anybody who got anything out of trying to notebook the way I do but if anybody'd get an outsized benefit from it it'd be you."

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"Well I will probably end up noting things down to talk about later more often but I think that is not at all the same thing?" Also she's going to have to learn to produce rot13 on demand or something.

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"Yeah. Do you want me to try to explain what I do in more detail?"

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"Sure, if you don't mind."

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"So - thoughts are slippery? If I just think a thought, then likely as not ten seconds later it will have changed, or slipped my mind, or been overwritten with some other thought I would rather have been thinking. I know this happens because sometimes I catch it, but I really doubt I always catch it. So if I write whatever's on my mind, as fast as I can, the quickest most inscrutable little notes to flag that a thought was there, then it's harder for them to do that. And then I can interrogate anything that seems - dissonant or stupid or inconvenient, take it apart into component subthoughts, check them against each other. And try to be in the final accounting acting as a single person who wants a single set of things in some sensible order and has a plan of attack for how to achieve them."

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"Hmm..that sounds somewhat similar to ...what i am trying to get out of talking to people about things.Though I am very used to having somebody to ask questions or rephrase things. Which is very helpful when I'm...stuck in a loop or a rut and not really noticing. Like sometimes I can say a thing out loud and notice that it doesn't make sense -  or is..unhelpful or...not endorsed when said out loud but sometimes I don't notice until somebody asks about it or rephrases it. It's like..sometimes you don't notice the clutter in your own house until somebody else comes in and goes 'damn you live like this?'

shrug "Maybe it's a skill issue."

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"Maybe it would help to just, mentally simulate someone reacting to your situation once you've got it written out?"

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"Maybe? There's a few people that I know well enough that I could probably do that. For some categories of subjects."

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"And your backlash'll let you?"

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"Well, it would be tricky at this level..and take trial and error probably. Which...I might get stuck."

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"Maybe you will have to schedule most of your introspection for when you're not backlashed, I have to."

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"I'll experiment a bit at lower levels. And when I can get rid of it completely."

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Nod nod.

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And that conversation was kind of a lot so she's going to go back to reading for a little while.

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Reading is good. Reading and guiding snuggles.

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Snuggles. After a bit she'll venture some observations on the book if he seems interested in that.

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