She picks the chair so she can put her plate on the desk instead of her knees. "That was really something! I don't know why she gets to teach that class if she can't answer obvious questions about the subject."

"I think maybe we're not supposed to learn anything about blood-magic except that it's evil until later." Shrug. "I - want to go to the library and see if actually it has been studied more than that, I bet she wouldn't know." 

"She probably wouldn't! It's a good idea. And I'm going to ask Lionwind if he's ever had a patient who used it and needed to be de-eviled or something."

Ma'ar goes very quiet and still. 

:.....I used blood-magic once: he admits, finally, in Mindspeech because talking is suddenly too hard. :I don't - think - it made me...not care about killing people, I feel like I care...: 

"Oh.

What happened?"

:It was when I still lived with Clan Kiyam on the Plains. They - sent me on a cattle raid once I was old enough, to fight one of the other clans. I think I was twelve. Someone tried to kill me, from the other clan, and then - there was all this magic suddenly - the Plains don't have a lot of magic, hardly even any ley-lines, it doesn't rain enough. I didn't know why but it was right there so I took it and then I didn't die in the rest of the fight: 

"Huh. - was it, like, pleasant, or... soothing or distracting or anything, like if you did it a bunch you might want to keep doing it the way people do with alcohol -"

:...Not really? It - felt like I imagined drinking someone's blood would, it'd be sort of like water but not the way that'd help if you were thirsty... And then I felt kind of weird after. I don't think it made me want to use it more? I...could've, later, I knifed a bandit once who tried to grab me on the road and I - killed a caravan guard by accident when I was traveling with them and they - attacked me at night when I was asleep - but it would've slowed me down and running away was smarter so I did that: He shrugs. :I don't know why people like alcohol either, it just makes you stupider: 

:Yeah, I don't get it either, but people do it kind of a lot, so they probably like it. Huh: Ma'ar doesn't seem evil to her but if she had to rank all the people she knows from most to least evil he probably would not rate dead last, and he's only done it once, but also the teacher had no idea what she was talking about and she should wait for books.

"Mmm." Ma'ar doesn't know what else to say so he goes back to halfheartedly eating. 

"If there aren't books about it I'm not sure what to do next to find out..."

"It seems really important that someone study it? I mean, if it doesn't make people evil and addicted by itself then - a lot of people are wrong, that should matter even if there are other reasons it's a bad idea to use it. And...if it does then that's something I don't understand about how magic works? I've never heard of other kinds of magic being addictive or - making you care about different things," shudder, that's incredibly horrifying as a concept, "but if magic can do that at all, then maybe there are other kinds that do and it's just harder to tell because they don't make you want to murder people? And I'd want to know that because even if, I don't know, some kind of magic just makes you love flowers, I don't want it to accidentally change what I think is important!"

"Yeah, I've never heard of anything else working like that either. If there's nothing to it at all then it's very weird that they want to teach us to fight so bad and then also there's this, that's so strange? Hitting somebody with a fireball will also kill them! So I wouldn't be surprised if they had some reason to believe blood magic was specifically a problem but I'd really like to know why they think that besides that somebody who already attacks people for a living doesn't stop doing that if they wake up a sneeze of magic and figure out how to combine their skills."

Ma'ar closes his eyes. "It's - really upsetting - that she thought I didn't care about killing people and just - wanted excuses for it to be fine! I've - met people like that," (read their minds, he doesn't want to think about that at all right now), "and I'm not and it's not fair that she goes thinking that just because, because..." Yet again he's run out of words. 

"Yeah, she didn't really handle that well, you'd think nobody had ever asked her a question in class before!" At least later she admitted that perhaps she hadn't explained well, which is the coward's "was being stupid".

At least Azabel believes him that he cares. That helps a little. "...I guess if it turns out there aren't books, we - probably shouldn't say anything about studying it until we're older? Because they - don't take children seriously here, and they'd just think we were evil. But we should find out if there're books before we worry about that, probably." 

"I'm still going to ask Lionwind. He's a good teacher."

"Mmm." Ma'ar goes back to eating his food. 

"If he tells me yeah actually blood magic does this that and the other thing to the mind -

- what do you wanna do?"

"...Not use it?" Shrug. "I - don't think it made me addicted but I guess you could - look, with your Sight, to check." 

"You'd rather me than Lionwind?"

"I know you. I don't know him." And he's an adult with authority over children and therefore it's a lot more dangerous if he decides that Ma'ar is evil.

"That's true... I'm really not supposed to see patients on my own but just looking's not dangerous, I guess."

That...isn't a no, but it's also not obviously a yes and he's suddenly so scared. "Aza please don't tell him I don't want any grownups to know when they - might decide I'm evil and kick me out of the school or - think it's okay to hurt me because I'm bad -" 

And now he's crying even though this is incredibly stupid and unhelpful. He curls up and puts his head down on his knees. 

"- I won't tell him if you don't want! I mean, assuming you don't go killing more people! But I don't know if I could actually get very far trying to help you on my own."