:That's not really how - uh - is the information 'I am not categorically a no on that forever' enough or do you need more detail -:

A long pause. 

:...That's enough to make it worthwhile to - keep talking about it, er, I mean, if you want to:

Ma'ar tries his best to look into her eyes.

:It doesn't, you know, sound fun or anything, but maybe we should do it anyway?:

:I - wait - what wouldn't be fun? You have feelings about me? ...If it wouldn't be fun then why bother?:

Ma'ar is pretty sure that he's still deeply confused about something in this area but he has no idea what.

:- no, having the conversation about it doesn't sound fun:

Ma'ar is, at this point, even more confused. And slightly gritting his teeth. :Well. I - decided to try to talk to you even though I thought it'd be awkward and not fun and I....: he trails off again. 

:Yeah - sorry, I don't have like - a plan for this conversation and it's uncomfortable and it's making me worse at things:

Ma'ar glances down, looks sympathetic for a moment. :- I know, I hate not having a plan. Is...there anything I can do to make it less uncomfortable...?: 

:I'll let you know if I think of anything. Um.

- you know how in stories people sometimes, like, pine after people who don't like them back, I don't think I can do that, I think I can so little do that that I also probably can't like people who are only kind of into me or into me for a dumb reason? So like, if you have - only just achieved a relevant developmental stage and in the process noticed that I have eyelashes, or something like that, on top of being generally tolerant of my company, that doesn't really do it for me. The fact that I can't confidently identify you as very much more enthusiastic than 'generally tolerant of my company' is not helping you here and neither is the thing where the one time I hugged you we wound up having a weird stupid fight:

:....Hmm: 

(He wants to say that he agrees pining is usually stupid, but it's not clear if this helps his cause at all, so he holds back. Self-control is important, after all, and not less important than honesty.) 

:....I'm - pretty sure that if I do like you that way, it's - not an ambivalent thing? And, er, it's definitely not about your eyelashes. I'm - still just starting to figure out what this whole 'liking' thing even means, and maybe I don't feel that way at all, but - you're the person I trust most in this entire city. And the person I think is the most competent and most virtuous. And - if I died tomorrow - and for some reason before I died I had a chance to lay bets on who would accomplish the most things I cared about over the next century - I'd bet on you: 

Ma'ar falls silent, gaze fixed on the floor. 

:Those... would be good reasons if you were sure they caused you to like-like me as opposed to just - approve of me, but -

- they don't exactly indicate that you'd be partial. And I think we can be friends even if you aren't partial but I do not think I can date you if you are not partial:

:- I think I still don't really understand what you mean by 'partial'?:

:I'm not sure how to explain it in this context:

:...If there was a - fire, or something, and a lot of people I could save and you were one of them - I'd probably want to save you first? I, er, I feel like smiling at you more than I feel like smiling at most people? I care a lot about being your ally and keeping your good regard, a lot more than I care with most people - I don't know if that's the thing....:

:It would be strongly indicative of the thing in most people but you're very strange and have stuff decoupled that isn't usually decoupled so I'm not actually sure here!:

:I tried to think about it a lot and - I guess you have good eyelashes too? And, er, good - skin - and things...? If I had to kiss anyone on the Tower grounds I think I'd prefer it be you even if I have no idea what kissing is like? Just - I - that feels like not the real point, it's not about your - fundamental soul - your you - the thing that actually matters here....:

:I mean, yes, I'm not specifically angling for eyelash compliments, I just - I guess what I want to know if you feel qualitatively or just quantitatively different about me versus any random person:

:- Can I think about that for a minute?: 

:'Course:

Ma'ar closes his eyes, still sitting upright, and falls silent for thirty seconds. A full minute. A few more seconds... 

:- I'm pretty sure I do? I, uh - don't know if that's a good idea - I can probably try to stop it on purpose if you'd prefer it...?: 

:I didn't say that - I mean, if it's inconveniencing you you can, but if you want to date me it's kind of important!:

:It's not inconveniencing me! It, uh - just feels objectively correct? Because you're - really good in a lot of ways? ...I don't know if thinking that is the same thing as wanting to date you, though, I - don't really know what dating is in practice. I don't have a particular urge to invite you on a walk in the flower gardens: 

:Are there things you do feel an urge to do? If you just want to passively admire me that is okay but not exactly what I was expecting...:

:I want to ask you to help me fix Predain, because you're the most competent person I know? ...Uh, that's probably not the thing, is it. I - want you to be around me and talk to me and want to talk to me and, I don't know, maybe I want - more than that - but the wanting-feeling is being really unhelpful at indicating what it's for: 

:Do you want to... hold hands, tell everybody I'm your girlfriend, take me out to dinner and stargazing...: