"Well, then maybe I shouldn't go. We were also going to have you come to my hometown, meet people you were never going to see again, we can do that this break instead."

"....I guess maybe we should do that instead." 

"Sorry."

Shrug. "- Let's talk about it after class tomorrow? I....can think about it and - try to put numbers on the actual risk, of going to Predain. I do think it'd be really helpful to go with you! But - maybe we should go after next session. Once we've had more time to think about it."  

"And we'll look older."

"A little bit, sure." 

"After class tomorrow," she agrees, and escapes.

That did not go how he was hoping or intending at all. 

Ma'ar eventually makes his own way back to his room, to another note from Aala who's apparently having a sleepover in her friend's room tonight.

He sits on the bed and stares at nothing in particular, and tries to think. 

It is sort of hard not to feel like she is being somehow judged for not having constructed herself as a person around being ruthless such that she is willing to cripple a random stranger for life because he hypothetically sets off Ma'ar's danger sense, but Ma'ar probably did not mean that. Maybe she should suggest bringing her dad, who does know what to do with a sword and wouldn't look kind of preposterous carrying one around. Maybe this suggestion should wait till after he and Ma'ar have met though.

She shows up to class as normal.

Ma'ar glances over at her. 

:I'm sorry for - saying things to try to scare you: he says in Mindspeech, tentatively. :....Can we talk after class: 

:Yeah, of course:

She lingers afterward.

Ma'ar gestures vaguely in the direction of the courtyard, and starts walking, his expression very preoccupied. 

:...I - think it's really unlikely anything actually-that-bad would happen: he says finally. :If we went to Predain. I tried to sit down and think it through properly. But...just, I guess I'm scared. And when I'm scared I - don't know how to feel less scared except by being as paranoid as I possibly can: 

:Does being paranoid make you less scared? I don't think it particularly does for me:

:I mean, having contingency-plans makes me less scared. And being paranoid is...the mindset that makes me notice where I need to have those plans: 

:I guess that makes sense:

Ma'ar is silent for a bit, pacing and chewing his lip. 

:- I think sometimes I've - been tempted to judge people for not being paranoid: he sends, after a long pause. :Because it - felt like they were trying to feel safe by not looking at the world and noticing the danger, rather than by being prepared for it. But...I think maybe there's something wrong with that frame, and it doesn't actually make sense for me to feel that way: 

:It did feel sort of judgmental! It wouldn't make sense in the environment I grew up in to be paranoid like that and willing to cripple people for spooking me and not even go back for them later. If that means it's not wise for me to go to Predain, I guess it means that, but...:

:...I was thinking about that too. I think that - hmm, so when I was fourteen, practically the only thing I had was being paranoid. I didn't have resources or skills or anything, just - being vigilant all the time and ruthless about doing whatever I had to to survive. And I still almost died a few times: 

Shrug. :But - maybe that means I'm miscalibrated now. Since now it'd be two of us, not one, and we could maybe bring Skan too, and we do have money and resources and a lot of skills, and I can read...: 

:It occurred to me that once you have met my dad we could bring him. He's in the Guard and would not look ridiculous with a sword. If we need someone scary-looking who is not a teenager:

:Oh! That's a really good idea. He'd probably be better at handling talking to the Guard there, too, I - think they'd respect him more because of his job: 

:I mean he only speaks Tantaran but if that isn't an obstacle, sure:

:I think a lot of the King's Guards speak Tantaran too. And - part of it would just be how he looks. It's a really good idea, thank you for thinking of it: 

:You're welcome. You can be introduced when you come to his town with me:

Nod. :All right: 

:Should I tell him next time I talk to him you're coming?: