"- I end up commanding the army of Tantara?" Urtho gives her an appalled look. "Goodness. I am very glad we know to avert that, it sounds terrible. I would be hopeless at it. The weapons part is...a good point, I suppose, though I still think there are very few circumstances that could drive me to use them."

He rubs the tip of his nose. "I suppose King Leodhan does have substantial trust in me, and allows me to run the Tower and its academy as I see fit, because he thinks I am more qualified than he is. His father thought the same, or at least did not wish to be bothered with the details of magical training. And - perhaps there is a kind of political power, in my position here, in a sense the school is like its own tiny country and I do lead it." He grimaces. "Which is my least favourite part, honestly, but everybody seems to expect it of me." 

"That's why most wizards in my world don't have political power, they don't want it, they want to spend all their time studying magic."

"And - what would you say it means, that Ma'ar feels differently?" 

" - I think he'd also like to spend all of his time studying magic, but not so much he'll abandon his tribe and his country for it. I think - almost anyone would be moved to help the herders in Predain, if they were right here, and he's mostly unusual in that it's not very attenuated by how far it is."

"Do you understand why he feels it is his personal responsibility to help Predain? I - think most young boys his age would not take that burden upon themselves, and I am not convinced it is good for him, that he does." 

"I think he would be - happy to entrust it to someone else, if there were someone else to entrust it to. In my world he could join a paladin order."

"- But you think that, in fact, he believes there is literally no one else in the world who will take up this mission if he were to set it down, or even share its weight with him? I - that would fit, I think, with what I have seen of him. I confess I am not sure how anybody could live that way. It would crush me." 

Shrug. "People are different. Some would find it more crushing to believe that other people could have helped before his parents died and his siblings and cousins and neighbors starved, and didn't bother."

Urtho doesn't seem to know what to say to this. 

Probably that was very offensive. She's so tired. "The morning you Gated us here, we went to the entrance to the College, told them we were expecting a Gate. Ma'ar noticed the guard thinking about how much of a fuss Ma'ar looked likely to make if instead he raped me. I think that's where he got the idea that guards shouldn't be able to do that."

"Oh. That - makes sense. Was it...usual, for him to read everyone's mind like that?" 

"When I met him he'd un-taught himself how to use Mindspeech at all because it was upsetting, hearing his mom die, but then when we were ambushed on the road and he nearly died I told him that it's possible to - scan for minds, even if you're not listening to them, and then we'd have warning about the next ambush. I think he was still practicing that, and didn't have that much finesse with it yet."

Nod. Urtho sighs heavily. He, too, looks very tired. "Well, I think he is lucky to have you in his life, and I am glad he is able to share his thoughts and feelings with you. It - seems much better, than the original version of our history, where I assume he had nothing like that." 

"I think he - looked to you for that. It - meant the world to him, even two thousand years later, seeing you again."

"Oh." Urtho blinks. Clears his throat. "I - gods - it must have hurt him so very much, what happened between us. I expect most people would never forgive me for it."

"Leareth had a funny sort of outlook about people. It was very hard to make him angry. Hell made him angry. But if you weren't torturing millions of people I don't know how you'd do it. I think - it was a long, awful, painful road, but he grew into all the odd things about him, the ambition, the wanting to save the whole world, the not trusting anyone, he figured out the habits that go with those things so they aren't dangerous or - unsustainable, or lonely - 

- I want that for Ma'ar. I think it can't possibly - things going awfully can't be necessary to get him there."

Urtho nods, though his expression is that of someone who isn't quite sure he understands. "I hope you are right. Anyway, I think I have said all that I had to say. I - will try my best to be patient with him and understanding of our differences." Pause. "He does not know, right, that - he would have fought me...?" 

"No. I - know that you were part of what made him - who he is. I didn't want to take that from him. I think he should know eventually, but - I guess I do believe in shielding children from some things."

"I understand. I will try my best to - be that person, for him." He rises from his chair. "Thank you for helping me understand better." 

"Of course. Thank you, for everything you do here, and - if you want to talk more about how Ma'ar sees the world, I am happy to try to explain."

"I appreciate the offer." Urtho escorts her politely to the door. 

- and then locks it and turns and looks unhappily at nothing in particular. Maybe it's unfair in half a dozen different ways, for Ma'ar to scare him this much, but - he does. 

Carissa was expecting to be upset.

She is, instead, past upset, and walks calmly back to her room and gets started on magic item enchanting and can't actually think about the conversation closely enough to get upset about it. 

Ma'ar is back from class at his usual time, and seems to be in about his usual mood for recently, quiet but otherwise cheerful enough. He flings his bookbag down on the sofa. "When's dinner?" 

"I haven't started it yet." She does this, leaving off in the middle of a spell-laying even though that'll spoil almost an hour of work. "How was your day?"