Talik narrows his eyes at him, morphs Thoughtsenser, tail-shrugs, morphs back. 

And Cayaldwin slips in among a dozen other Andalite bodies. It's like - putting on something that fits perfectly. It feels safe and cozy and abundant and warm and he has to remind himself reflexively that the universe has lost everything in it that matters.

He goes to sleep.

...For a moment he remembers Cayaldwin's thought-snippet earlier and feels - longing, and sadness that he wasn't born an Andalite. It passes quickly. The herd-belonging is just an evolved feeling, he reminds himself. The way Yeerks talking to other Yeerks in the pool feels like comfort and belonging and safety, it's not - fundamental, not necessarily reflective of reality. He's not like most Andalites any more than he's like most Yeerks. 

( - nowhere is home - ) 

Yeerks don't have to sleep when their hosts are asleep - Yeerks don't really sleep in the same way at all, though they have something vaguely like it. He can't do much right now, but he can stay mostly lucid. Watch Cayaldwin's sleeping mind eventually drift into dreams.

He feels such deep affection for Cayaldwin and his beautiful, shattered mind, full of curiosity and desire-to-understand and desire-to-master, and he wants to fix everything for him but he can't. 

In the morning Cayaldwin wakes up and for a second he is at peace and content and then he remembers that his father is dead and patiently whacks away all the feelings of peace and contentment, which are lies. He does the morning ritual, but spends it mostly trying to deliberately ignore the feelings of togetherness and contentment it brings. 

Then he wants to do more math. <Are you awake?>

It's so awful. And Mhalir can't blame him, because he, too, has the deep-set urge to remind himself over and over that the world isn't okay. He can sense it in Leareth too. Leareth isn't, well, constantly miserable the way Cayaldwin seems to be, and he works at a sustainable pace and often enjoys the process, but he's never, ever contented or satisfied, and neither is Mhalir. And so he doesn't feel any urge at all to nudge Cayaldwin to accept that comfort when he can find it, even though he wishes, desperately, that Cayaldwin were happier.  

<Yes. I was thinking about...> and Mhalir launches into describing a maybe-insight he had when he was half-lucidly watching Cayaldwin dream. 

Math is true even when it hurts. It's very good of it. 

Leareth is awake a little while later and morphs Andalite to gallop around the field a bit and then joins them. <Cayaldwin, do you want to give my alt back or is this arrangement working fine for you> 

<I think it's easier to talk to him this way. I can give him back if you want to follow along, though.>

<It makes sense that it is easier to communicate concepts that way, and I am not contributing that much, honestly. Also I need to do a Gate to contact Matirin today, it has been a week. Mhalir, when do you need the Yeerk pool?> 

<Not until tomorrow night, although if I am going to spend all of today here I should inform my staff> he tells Cayaldwin in his head; he doesn't have access to Cayaldwin's thoughtspeak to actually communicate that onward to Leareth. <Cayaldwin, can you send some messages for me?>

He passes this on to Leareth. <I can send some messages for you if you're quick.>

<It will be very quick.> He dictates a couple of short messages for Cayaldwin, rescheduling a meeting from this afternoon to tomorrow morning and a message for Amanda saying she should expect the rest of today off too and not to worry about him, he's fine and being well taken care of. <She is protective of me> he explains to Cayaldwin. 

He would've found this very confusing a few months ago but now it makes a strange sort of sense. It's - tragic, that Mhalir is what he is, even if the things he chose to do about it were mostly incredibly evil. There would've been something lost if no one had ever picked his people up out of their pools, even if the most important thing in the universe was lost because they did.

He sends the messages for him.

And then they can talk about MATH for the next however many hours, and aside from the pit of grief in Cayaldwin's mind, everything is perfect and wonderful and in a sense it's everything he's always wanted, this, understanding the world piece by piece to master it with someone else. Mhalir doesn't have as much of the loneliness and desire-for-company as most Yeerks but he is nonetheless a Yeerk and it's glorious, being so close in someone's mind that he sees every path of thought, every interesting insight, and can chase them and they're more than twice as smart together as either of them would be alone.

Leareth catches up on messages for a while, and then asks around if another Andalite, not Cayaldwin, can take him out to orbit around Saturn again so he can reopen the Gate to the homeworld and see if Matirin needs anything. It'll be a long trip for a very short Gate, just sending the robot through again to transmit its message to Matirin and then wait for a response and carry the response back. If Matirin says it's a good time for Leareth to join him, Leareth will do that tomorrow. 

Matirin replies promptly enough that if Leareth would like to come through to the Andalite homeworld they'd be delighted to meet him.

He sends the robot back to transmit a message saying he'll plan on arriving sometime in the morning (Earth time) tomorrow, and then brings the robot back through and takes down his Gate.

He spends the long ride back to Earth taking a short nap, reading morph design specs, and practicing morphing various kinds of insect. When they make it back to the base, he looks for Cayaldwin. 

He is, as usual, working.

:Do you still have Mhalir?: Leareth asks. :I need to bring him back at some point tonight: 

It's very unreasonable how Mhalir has a politics job when like Cayaldwin himself he ought to actually spend all his time doing interesting research. <I did not set him down in the grass> he says. <You can have him back when convenient.>

<I want to finish our current thread and then I should go> Mhalir suggests. He also thinks it's kind of unreasonable he needs to spend so much time on politics right now, especially given that from his own perspective he's not that good at it? And he had to work hard for the skill he does have. Doing interesting research always came a lot more naturally...

...he misses Seerow. 

:Works fine for me: Leareth doesn't want to get too dug into his own morph research while he's on-call to transport Mhalir back, so he morphs Andalite and looks for a sparring partner instead. 

Cayaldwin watches with one eye. Leareth's not very good at lots of things that come naturally to Andalites, even after practicing very diligently, but he's very good at meaning to use a weapon, which is what Andalite cadets often struggle with, and he notices his mistakes and pays attention to what caused them.

They finish up what they're working on.

Leareth demorphs and heads over when he's done his sparring match (he loses but it's pretty close.) :I can Gate Mhalir back now. Productive research session?: 

Mhalir thinks so but he can't talk right now, at least not outside Cayaldwin's head.