- he's definitely not going to do that, because, yes, it'd take Cayaldwin longer, and that's really important. 'later' is much easier than 'never', and he could maybe just keep pushing it, later and later and later. Certainly while the war is not wholly over. 

He thinks the Andalite government probably doesn't appreciate what it would mean, sacrificing Leareth's goodwill, it's a very big and very strange thing and people aren't very good at thinking about those, and Andalites are - used to being smarter than other people, right, it's very unusual for them not to be, they're going to be inexperienced at it. But if they send stupid orders Nerefir will talk with him and he'll talk with Leareth and they'll figure something out. He's sure of it, it's hard to communicate about people things because he's relying on so much that other people don't seem to notice at all but he understands Nerefir, and Nerefir is - good at not making the specific mistakes Matirin's father tended to make, if nothing else, and Matirin's father was bad at trusting people and catastrophically good at escalating. They're safe, here. The peace will hold. (Even though he's very tired). 

He - wishes he'd been there, with Seerow. He was five years old but still. So much was lost, and didn't need to be lost, and can't ever come back, and he thinks he could have - if he'd been older - Seerow was the only Andalite willing to try against the collective consensus it was a bad idea, that's a rare trait in an Andalite - Matirin's father was like that too - but he wasn't the only Andalite willing to try, and collective consensuses move, when you push them, they're like a big ship with its antigravity up, lots and lots of inertia but that doesn't mean they can't move, when hit right -

Leareth is like that, Mhalir thinks. That might be one of his core defining traits, that he's - not even just willing to try against the collective consensus, it doesn't feel like a matter of 'willing' to him, he just - figures out what he wants and how to get it, working with the constraints he has, and then does that. The metaphor coming to Mhalir is that, in a world of planets orbiting stars, moons orbiting planets, trajectory laid down by the laws of physics and the pull of a gravity well, Leareth is a starship. He can't defy physics but he's not bound to it, either, he moves under his own power and control. It's a rare trait in Yeerks too, and in humans, both on Earth and Velgarth. It's - part of why Leareth wants Mhalir in particular to survive, because Leareth feels it's a lot easier to start with the raw childish poorly-aimed form of the trait (Mhalir isn't at all offended that Leareth feels this way about him, he's got a point) and teach someone wisdom, than to pull people out of their gravity wells.

And, yes, in a world that contains a great deal of inertia but some agents with the ability and inclination to move against it, you can steer. It's slow and frustrating, Mhalir knows that well, having worked with Yeerk politics for decades. But possible.

(Probably at some point Mhalir should try to explain the Yeerk political factions more clearly to Matirin, because that's part of the cost of executing him, too, he has a lot of sway and loyalty and it's going to frighten his people, if the Andalites he surrendered to end up killing him in thanks for his efforts toward peace. Especially if he carries out the plan with Leareth, for the cleaner takeover of the Yeerk high command, the people loyal to him will see that as an act of heroic courage and sacrifice - he can figure out a way to frame things, probably, that will make his death also read that way, but it'll take some finessing and, if they take that route, he could really use Matirin's help.)

...There's a thought he's trying to form and he doesn't quite have it pinned down, yet, but...it's related to weighing the cost of his death, somehow. He's not sure Leareth has quite found this other framing, yet, and - maybe it would change his mind, if they could articulate it to him. 

Leareth doesn't want to die. Most people don't want to die, of course, but Leareth doesn't-want it a lot harder than that, most people don't do anything about this fact. It's partly an intrinsic desire, nonexistence is the worst loss either of them can imagine, Leareth would in a heartbeat choose being enslaved and tortured for a thousand years over permanently being gone from the world. But quite a lot of it is instrumental. Leareth - except his name was Ma'ar, then - was born a long time ago in a kingdom filled with pointless horrors; he doesn't recall much but he remembers his baby sister's infanticide, when there weren't enough livestock to feed the clan that year, and he remembers his mother's death in childbirth, and the first time a man from another tribe tried to kill him to take his cattle. And he remembers Urtho, who was building something wonderful - but, Ma'ar eventually realized, not for everyone. Urtho didn't think of the entire world as his responsibility, and from what Ma'ar could see, almost no one did, and and he saw a future filled with pointless waste and suffering as everyone rode in their orbits forever. 

Leareth thought that sticking around to build something better was worth the price of his immortality, he thought he could save a thousand times as many people as he killed to wear their skins - but he wouldn't have judged that, if it had only been about his own personal survival. It would have been the hardest choice he had ever made, because Leareth doesn't want to die, but he wouldn't have taken the option for immortality that involved taking other lives, if he truly thought that there were someone else who could carry on the work in his place. It's just that in two millennia of operating in Velgarth, he never saw that. But if he had... 

If Leareth's pattern, Leareth's cleverness and caring and trying, are represented in the world, then...that's enough, maybe? For both of them? It's still almost an unthinkable thought, a yawning abyss, but - if Mhalir could make the future of the galaxy a thousandth of a percent better by ceasing to exist, if he actually knew that with enough certainty, then his own values would demand it of him. There's a lot of galaxy and a lot of future, and he can do math. 

- that's - that feels important. He had not particularly predicted Mhalir would feel that way about it. 

He can probably make it work, to be clear, to keep Mhalir alive. Winning the war is really important to all of the Andalites, and winning the war and having the Yeerks safe and decently treated and not their problem at all is exactly what everybody wanted, or at least what everyone is thinking of as what they wanted, and - he can probably figure it out. It helps to feel like they are on the same side about it. They are mostly on the same side. He wants the Yeerks to be okay. He is angry with the ones who enslaved people, and he is - well, an Andalite, trying to generalize from a set of instincts that are much less compatible with Yeerks than those of many other species, apparently - but he wants them to be okay. And it makes sense that that includes - wanting their leadership, wanting to be justly repaid for their cooperation -

- even if it came at the last possible second, and Matirin does kind of feel like it came at the last possible second, surrendering one day earlier would have been genuinely impressive and commendable and he thinks he'd feel uncomplicated, by now, if it had happened like that, but the Andalites were going to win and surrendering when you do not have a route to victory is - much less impressive - it's not necessarily worth rehashing but it's there, that feeling -

Mhalir notes that feeling with quiet acknowledgement. He also wishes they had somehow resolved this a day earlier, before eight blocks of D.C. perished in searing fire, before most of the staff on his Blade ship died at the hands of demons - and then the Andalites boarding it died at the hands of his engineers - there was so much escalation and he wishes it hadn't happened. Imagining the version of him that would have surrendered without any of the information he would have a day later is sort of mind-warping, why would he have done that, but...in many ways it would have been better. 

Mhalir thinks he does understand Matirin a lot better now, and he's not scared, anymore. Does Matirin also feel he understands Mhalir better?

Yes. Somewhat. He's thinking about the thing he said to Leareth, about how he can't dislike people, once he knows them, and - this is the trickiest case of that, most people there's less to dislike, but he keeps taking steps in that direction. He expects he'll get there. He's - trying to get there, right, because it's important. It hurts only the way everything hurts. (Matirin is not really less consumed by grief than Cayaldwin is.) 

There's - maybe more that would be good to understand about Mhalir, but he can't put his finger on what it would be, exactly. He does feel - okay - about Mhalir being here. He thought it wouldn't be bad for him and he's pretty sure it in fact isn't.

Mhalir is relieved and glad about that, though he's also ready to leave whenever Matirin wants him to. And he agrees there might be more to him that would be good if Matirin understood, but he can't pin it down either, so maybe it's something he still doesn't understand about himself. 

Matirin likes and trusts Leareth, a lot, he wouldn't say he loves him but (some thoughts he didn't particularly mean Leareth to see, he's not used to the amulet being off, about sparring with him if there weren't a stupid war). Probably seeing more of Mhalir being - like Leareth - would help. It doesn't have to be right now. He does consider it reasonable for Mhalir to be pretty frustrated with them right now, even if he's not angry, and to want to go do other things. He would - hate it, to be Mhalir, to be vulnerable so often - this feels like a concession, of some kind, that there's something that it's like to be a Yeerk and that it makes sense to consider what it'd be like for him, but it's also just obviously true -

- he doesn't want to abuse that trust. He won't. 

That makes sense. 

Right now the thing Mhalir wants, while he's still calming down from what just happened, is to go back to Cayaldwin. He feels safest with Leareth, by far, but he's happiest in Cayaldwin's head, when they're directly working together as a unit stronger than either of them alone, to make the future better, he hadn't been able to fathom until now how much this was exactly what he always hoped could happen someday. (And he knows, quietly, that it couldn't and wouldn't have, in the world where Leareth never came to Earth and he fought the war with the Andalites his way.) 

He's not sure if Cayaldwin knows what just happened, though, and he would feel awkward going back to him while still shaken if he doesn't know. In particular, he really hopes Cayaldwin might be willing to either take off his Thoughtsensing amulet for a while or let Mhalir use his thoughtspeak (just that, he doesn't at all need the ability to control Cayaldwin's body or morph abilities to be reassured), so he can feel less panicky about not having any options if Cayaldwin somehow decides to hurt him. 

Matirin hasn't told Cayaldwin yet because Cayaldwin is going to be angry with him but he can do it now.

(Mhalir feels like Cayaldwin being angry with Matirin is an extremely fair consequence for his decision here, even if it was the sensible and correct decision.) 

:Do you want me to come?: Leareth asks Matirin. He's still reading them, although mainly Mhalir, it's overwhelming as a human to follow two sets of thoughts at once. 

<Maybe stick nearby for Mhalir? I'm all right either way.> He opens the conference room door. <Cayaldwin?>

<What's going on? Where's Mhalir?>

<He's here with me and Leareth. We decided to check whether he could override the compulsions before we send him off to try to decapitate the Yeerks with Leareth. We did that by pretending we were going to kill him so he would try to seize control.>

<Has anyone ever overridden compulsions? That's not how they work! We were in the middle of doing research, you can't threaten to murder people in the middle of doing research!>

<I think that he is still interested in doing research, if you still are.>

He trots over. He is glaring angrily at Matirin and Leareth, with two eyes for each of them. <Give him back> he says to Leareth. <We aren't playing some kind of stupid game, here. He doesn't have some kind of magic powers he's been secretly concealing, why would he do that.>

<I have him, actually. I will give him back but he asked that he get access to Thoughtspeech, or that you take off your Thoughtsensing amulet, because he is wary about being unable to communicate except with his host right now.>

Cayaldwin looks confused, at that. <You have him?> and then he recovers himself. <Wary? And whose fault is that?>

<Mine, of course> Matirin says dryly.

Leareth ducks his head, accepting Cayaldwin's anger. :It was not my idea originally but I did allow it. I realize it was very - rude, of us: 

Mhalir stays piggybacked on Matirin's senses a moment longer before leaving his head, waiting to see if Cayaldwin is going to agree to one of the conditions. 

<Very rude??? If he had had a way to override the compulsions and he had stabbed you about it you would have deserved it.> He seems to have forgotten about the conditions. 

Can he access Matirin's thoughtspeech right now, if Matirin lets him. 

Matirin is letting him.