Leareth nods. He's not visibly tense, this time, but he does look vaguely unhappy. "It - would work, I think, I can see why that is what he is requesting. And honestly, what I almost want to do is offer to let him go in my head again, for a little while - with a compulsion to leave as soon as I said so and not to control my body at all - because then I think I can convince him it is safe to meet with you directly. But, I - do not feel especially up for doing that in the next couple of days, even if it would be strategically correct, and this seems time-sensitive." 

"Yeah. I want to have something for Earth's governments in the next couple days, before they get even more panicked about what they've noticed of what's going on. I don't - have to talk face to face with him for that, but I think it'd go better? I - hate him, and I never hate people once I've met them, and he's presumably scared and it'd be better if he weren't scared. Maybe we can - exchange video files, or something."

"Huh. You never hate people once you have met them? What a useful skill to have." Leareth frowns, thoughtful. "...I am trying to figure out what I would need to - feel comfortable letting him in my head again, if this would solve our communications logjam so neatly. I do not at all expect him to betray me, also I could mindread him first and put whatever compulsions on him I wanted - he would let me - and I could have someone else there, like Nayoki..." 

This is not really resulting in any less internal screaming about it. 

"But having a Yeerk in your head is a really awful experience and you have already had a lot of really awful experiences and apparently if you just keep piling them on without doing anything about them then it ends up impeding cognition. I - didn't come here to ask you to do that. Just - maybe we can get around meeting him with the same-person thing, somehow, if I understand how you think..."

"Maybe. It - seems valuable, anyway, for you to understand how I think. Though - part of the problem is that he does not think like me, he thinks like - a much younger and less experienced version of me, whose ability to trust anyone was deeply damaged by whatever happened with Seerow. I know how to - cooperate with people who are very different from myself, even when this requires costly sacrifices on my part. I do not think he knows this, yet."

Shrug. "Having Mhalir in my head was a very small part of the awfulness. Mostly it was awful expecting that everyone on Earth would die, and - feeling helpless to stop it - not knowing if you were dead," his breath catches a little, "–not having my Gifts... That was the worst part, actually. I still did not have any magic even after he left, Nayoki had to fix it the next day, and also I - was not sure if the suicide compulsion would override the Gifts-block at that point, and so I was terrified that if anything surprised me I would involuntarily explode and then this would derail the entire attempt at talks. That was very bad. I think I never, ever want to be in that situation again. If those facts were not true, it would be fine letting Mhalir read my thoughts. I suppose if a Thoughtsenser were willing to take him, he would not have to be in my head at all." 

Nod. "I don't want him in a mage whose Gifts aren't disabled. I - believe you that you're really sure he wouldn't change his mind if he suddenly saw an opening to win the war instead, but - I am not really willing to rely on that. A Thoughtsenser who isn't a mage seems fine, though, if they're up for it. 

What convinced you - when we were trying to arrange talks, back in Velgarth -"

"What convinced me to come in person and meet with you? I do not recall that I needed all that much convincing, but - well, the upside of working with you, and eventually being allies and trusted with your technology, was very compelling. Also knowing that the default result if you could not win the war was the destruction of all life on Earth, and - this looking fairly likely, from the picture I got of your capabilities versus theirs. Five billion people is a very big number. It was worth taking the risk that you would murder my current body and I would come back and kill another teenager, for a chance at preventing that." 

Nod. <And here - Mhalir presumably sees some upside but it is smaller than that, and he's not confident in his immortality measures...>

:- I mean, I do not even know for sure that he has them, it is a guess based on the other similarities, but if he does they are certainly untested. Also he is - starting from a position where a likely outcome, perhaps the default outcome in his mind, is losing everything. I was not; it was significant, I think, that I was holding onto a path where I expected to eventually win, and saw a way to instead redirect my resources, which I expected you to want very badly, and perhaps win at a far lower cost.:

Leareth shakes his head, smiling slightly. :I think I am easier to work with when I do not feel threatened.:

<I bet. Hmmm. I have been trying to communicate that I'm - trying to look out for Yeerk interests here - but I don't want to overpromise and it's - true that I'm considering human interests much more important. I don't know if he mostly feels threatened about the possibility it'll go worse than I have said it will or just...about the possibility it'll go exactly as I said, which is still very badly, from his perspective.>

Leareth nods. "That may be part of it? I think he trusts that I will weight one Yeerk life exactly the same as one human one - of course, there are five billion humans on this planet, and far fewer Yeerks than that. He understands the math; he thought it was not worth winning at the cost of that many lives, and their wellbeing matters to him too, he just thinks it need not be incompatible with Yeerk wellbeing. But - hmm. I suspect it is currently hard for him to feel on a gut level that Andalites will give the Yeerks any moral weight. I told him that you felt otherwise, and I think he partially updated, but it does not outweigh everything that has happened in the past." 

Nod. "I - think I am not regarding it as mostly a question of how humans outnumber Yeerks, if the invasion were farther along and most humans prisoners already and the Yeerks totalled more than five billion I would still want all unwilling hosts freed. But that's not - thinking that in the abstract humans are more important than Yeerks, it's thinking that it's very bad for the galaxy, if enslaving people is allowed as long as you're numerous enough. If - Andalites started the whole war, then there should be accountability for that, but on Earth the Yeerks invaded, and making sure the invaders come out comfortably is less important to me than making sure the people they attacked do. I'm not going to let them die. But if it turns out that because human psychology is very different than Andalite psychology being Yeerked against one's will is only a little bad for humans and they adapt after a couple months and are in good spirits about it after that - and it's a wonderful quality of life increase for the Yeerks - 

- too bad -

- I have a brother who'd say 'well, then the Yeerks can pay them for it, that's how that works', and probably something is out there that works like that but unfortunately he is dead."

"I am sorry." Leareth looks down. "That is reasoning I understand perfectly well, and - that I think he would understand too, if he could see it through my eyes. I also want all unwilling hosts freed, because that is the path that in the long run leads to the best outcomes for both species. There is - you care about both, right, humans and Yeerks. And you also care about - the principle that the world containing the most cooperation and beneficial trade, is one where people who harm others are punished for it, even if they had reasons for it that made sense given their situation, even if the benefit to them was greater than the harm done. Just, here it may be difficult to distinguish the outcome of that reasoning process from the reasoning process of 'Yeerks do not deserve to exist'."

Which he's pretty sure Alloran was thinking at Mhalir for the past twenty years. And very reasonable; he can't blame Alloran for feeling that way, when he was the one who spent decades a prisoner in his own body. It hurts, thinking about the cost Alloran paid. (Which means that probably it hurts for Mhalir as well, now that he has the slack to look back on it and have regrets.) 

Nod. "I don't know how to - point him at places where those have different outcomes. I said we were working on ways to get them all - sensory access to the universe."

"I know. And I believe you, and - he is hanging a great deal of weight on that. Just, I suspect his feeling toward Andalites, before this, was similar to how I feel, now, toward the gods of my world. I do not think that the Velgarth gods are beings that I can come to any kind of agreement with, because they will not keep it, and are not interested in communicating to arrange terms in the first place, though I tried very hard. And obviously Andalites are the kind of being I can work with, but - given the experiences he had, I do not find it very shocking that Mhalir formed a different belief, and that it will take more than words in a message to fully shift it." 

Nod. "Thank you. I think that's - helpful, at least a little."

Leareth nods. "I think it will get easier, the more you demonstrate by your actions that you are not hurting the Yeerks any more than necessary to prevent harm to humans. I - am very grateful, that you are trying so hard to do this." 

"I am paying much less, to end this war, than I had believed I was going to need to." But his voice sounds very tired.

"Mmm." Leareth looks past him for a moment, his eyes distant. "- Anyway, if that was all you wished to ask about, I will ask Emril if she would be willing to host Mhalir, were I to compulsion him to take no actions with her body or Gifts and do nothing other than piggyback on her Thoughtsensing, and then hopefully I can convince Mhalir to meet with you, and then you can convince him you can look out for his people's interests, and it will all be easier from there. And then after that I should attempt sleep again." 

"That sounds good. Thank you." He gets up, demorphs, goes off to pace on the grass, and try not to feel very numb, even if the alternative is feeling very very sad, which is more distracting.

Leareth is aware that the way he feels right now, which is mostly 'bouncing around between various strong emotions in response to any cue', is very predictable and will be temporary, but he's still irritated about it. Eventually he manages to sleep and stay that way. 

Melody wakes up in the supply closet she's sharing with Marian, and lies there for a moment trying to figure out why she feels cranky, and then remembers everything that happened yesterday and everything she expects to have to deal with today, after which point the crankiness makes so much sense. 

She allows herself five minutes to procrastinate on getting up and instead feel sorry for herself about how unreasonable the world is, and then she gets up, feeds herself, finds coffee (coffee is the BEST THING) and then checks if any of the people on her list to talk to are awake. 

Leareth? 

Asleep. 

Matirin? 

Awake. Pacing.