"...Oh." Leareth has been mostly failing to simulate at all what it would be like from Levris' position, as the one with both drastically less magical power and general influence, and also a complete lack of information on who Leareth is. He knew he would have to fix that at some point, it's just such a long story. 

He holds out his arms. "Levris. Listen. I am not going to - trap you here against your will, or deny you things that you need, or - or do anything that will make you unhappy, because if you are unhappy I will be sad about it. Also I think I ought to stop being so mysterious and tell you about my life and who I am, it is just...a great number of things..." 

"It would make sense to trap me here," Levris points out, "because if I die you die."

"We already had the conversation about how neither of us wishes to die! I will figure out immortality for you and then it will be fine. In the meantime we can have conversations about acceptable risks. You are a smart person who can understand those tradeoffs." Sigh. "I might try very hard to convince you that a risk is not acceptable, but–"

Why does it even feel so impossible, Levris is right, it does kind of make sense strategically. 

"...Because you are my lifebonded, and I respect you and - want to respect you - and it would not be very respectful of your intelligence to trap you here instead of simply talking about it." 

"...um, not that I'm grateful that I'm not going to wind up getting put into a very nice dungeon but objectively it is extremely weird that you're not going to put me in a very nice dungeon, given that I am currently one of your biggest vulnerabilities and you know almost nothing about me."

...Is it weird? 

Leareth, on reflection, has to admit that he's not being nearly as paranoid as is characteristic for him. He's relaxed around Levris. On some deep level, his hindbrain doesn't expect Levris to hurt him; the opposite, some part of him thinks Levris will keep him safe. 

That is, in hindsight, very strange actually. And concerning. 

What information does he actually have about Levris, objectively speaking, setting aside the presumably-lifebond-driven emotions? 

"Do not take this the wrong way," Leareth says, carefully, "but - you seem mostly quite harmless." On reflection, he's still pretty confident in his assessment that Levris isn't someone who's hiding an agenda and a lot of schemes, and is averse to even slightly inconveniencing Leareth or hurting his feelings. "Also, you rescued me, presumably at some risk to yourself, and then - burned approximately all of your resources and fallback options in order to protect me when I was incapacitated. That is a rather costly sign that you care about my safety and wellbeing." 

"I wasn't thinking that I would hurt you. I like being alive and, as you pointed out, have approximately no resources or fallback options and am entirely at your mercy. I was thinking that I'm one of your biggest vulnerabilities because people could kill me, or torture me, or Gate me thousands of miles away from you, or keep me prisoner and blackmail you with my safety..."

"Honestly, you seem reasonably able to defend yourself! I expect you could become much, much better at it with the appropriate training and some artifacts to cover against unexpected mage-attacks. Also I assume you do not wish to be killed, tortured, Gated thousands of miles away, or used as blackmail material, and would therefore not actually need the precautions against it imposed without your consent!" 

"I'm not really sure it matters whether I consent or not."

"Because I am more powerful and could do it anyway?" 

Leareth takes a deep breath. Lets it out. "I feel as though we are having different conversations here, and I wish to back up and start over. I apologize for disrupting your life so much; honestly, I think it is far more inconvenient for you to be lifebonded to me than the reverse. That being said, we are lifebonded and ought make the best of it. I wish to figure out what we can do to minimize the cost to you; I think, on reflection, that this could well be a plot by some god to obstruct me by having you assassinated, so I will want to be very careful, but again, I think our incentives are well-aligned there."

Sigh. "Probably part of why I care about you and your wellbeing so much is the lifebond and not my own choice, which is a thing I dislike about lifebonds in principle. However, it is still how I feel, and I think fighting it would be a very frustrating uphill battle. Which I would prefer to avoid when it seems entirely possible that we can get along well! You are objectively a clever and interesting person, and I think would have to be, in order to be lifebond-compatible with me of all people. What do you think?" 

Levris sighs with frustration and says "Look" and drops his shields and drops a ball of feelings into Leareth's brain. 

People don't like Levris. They tolerate him or they ignore him; they're not cruel to him, not anymore (and that thought is skirting around a lot of things Levris does not particularly want to think about). And-- it's fine, really. It's fine. Levris has grown so used to being lonely that it has stopped even registering to him, like the pain of an old wound. And he can't really imagine that someone would like him for him but he used to daydream about being liked through magic, by a Companion or his lifebonded. He's not going to get a Companion (he's too amoral for that) but... maybe he could get a lifebonded someday and then there would be one person who wasn't just tolerating him, and it was a stupid frivolous dream because obviously he's too unimportant to wind up lifebonded but it's the only way he could see to having someone who likes him.

And then he was lifebonded! And he's still annoying and inconvenient and someone who has to be tolerated except now instead of being on his own he's utterly dependent on his lifebonded who is very mysterious and very powerful and very evil, and-- he's useless, there's nothing he can do to help, there's nothing he can do to make Leareth happy, he just has to be put somewhere out of the way where he won't fuck anything up.

(Leareth might notice that these thoughts are all very well-organized and analyzed and Levris is really remarkably aware of all of them.)

"Sorry about your head," Levris says, "communication is hard."

It does kind of hurt his head, but also this seems very important, and oh no, and almost without realizing it, Leareth is reach to pull Levris in his arms, and shoving quite a lot of affection and concern and regret through the lifebond. "Have you been thinking this entire time that I find you annoying?" He tried to tell Levris he didn't, but - wow, it seems like there a lot of buried feelings there, which he was busy being oblivious to due to barely being conscious. 

"I mean, you find being lifebonded annoying?"

"I do not approve of lifebonds in principle, and I object to whichever god decided to scheme at me with one, but at least as much on your behalf as on mine. You deserve better than to be used as a tool to hurt me. Anyway, it would be very unhelpful at this point to keep being annoyed, indefinitely, about this specific lifebond with you in particular. Especially given that I like you as a person! I am confused about it, and concerned that I have not yet understood what the plot was here, and I am unhappy about the disruptive effect it had on your life, but... I want to make the best of all of those things. Also, I absolutely do not agree that you are useless. Nayoki is already trying to recruit you for her research team. Also you probably saved my life, earlier. I am very grateful for that."

He finds himself leaning in to kiss Levris' forehead, and is a bit surprised, it doesn't feel like he decided to do that and he's basically never physically affectionate with people. Presumably it's a lifebond thing. That doesn't seem like a good reason to stop himself from doing it on principle though. 

Levris responds to forehead kissing by wiggling. 

"It's really terrible that you have brain problems so I have to express my feelings with my mouth instead of just dumping them on you through Thoughtsensing."

"I am not going to have them forever! ...I probably ought to rest now, though." His head is feeling gluey again and the headache is threatening a resurgence. "Are you less upset with me now? I - would like it if you stayed, and held me, if you do not mind, I...liked that before." 

"--there are a lot of feelings I have trouble putting into words but I like holding you."

"Mmm. Maybe tomorrow my brain problems will be better and you can show me those feelings too." Leareth leans against Levris' chest.

He's running out of verbal fluency to say the thing he wants to convey, but maybe he can manage it. "The lifebond...wants me to trust you. I could fight that, but - I wish to see if you can be someone I justifiedly trust. It would be - nice - to have that." His eyes are sticking shut now. "Also, remind me tomorrow to have a go at convincing you that I am not actually evil." 

"Mm. Okay. I should show you my feelings first though."

"All right..." Sleep. 

Mm. Sleep.

Going to bed cuddling Leareth has not stopped being great!

Leareth wakes up feeling pretty well-rested, and with nearly all the cobwebs gone from his head. 

:Levris?: he tries, to see if Mindspeech feels okay today (it does!) 

:Yes?:

:Did you sleep well? I think my head is much better today. I suppose you could look: 

:Sounds like a good idea.:

Levris looks. 

The disarrayed books are entirely back in place. There's still a bit of cobwebby stuff in a few corners, but not much. 

"So?" Leareth says out loud, moving to sit up, but not letting go of Levris. "I had better not push it too hard, by doing difficult magic for example, but I think you could show me your feelings."