:...Check your shields, Chosen: Yfandes sends eventually, gently. :You're leaking a bit: 

"Sorry." He wasn't feeling anything he minded her hearing but if she doesn't want him to leak emotions at her he will cut it out.

:...I don't mind at all: Yfandes clarifies. :I like being in rapport with you – you can keep me 'inside' your shields. You are leaking more broadly than that, though: 

"Thanks for telling me." He pays attention to his shielding until it's not leaking anymore; he can mostly but not entirely do it by habit now.

Yfandes nuzzles him and sends pride and warmth along their bond, which is nice even if Abras thinks it's dumb for her to be proud of him just for not completely failing to shield. 

The next few days are...well, not exactly relaxing, but as close to it as Yfandes and Savil and Moondance can make it. All three of them make sure he eats plenty, and coax him on walks and swims, and encourage him to rest. The headache is gone by the third day, but Moondance insists he needs a few more days to 'find his balance again'. 

Starwind does reappear after a couple of days, though he's still limping and using a cane, and clearly avoids using magic for another two days. He does apologize, very stiffly, and doesn't show any sign of being angry, just sheepish. Sheepishness is a very odd look on Starwind.

An entire week passes before Moondance suggests gently, over breakfast with all four of them (five including Yfandes grazing nearby) that perhaps today would be a good time to resume lessons, if Abras feels ready for it. 

Abras answers Starwind's apology with another apology and then unsubtly changes the subject. He agrees with resuming lessons when Moondance brings it up; he's been wondering when that was going to happen but kept doing things other than bringing it up. 

The warded practice room feels a bit more like an enclosed stone box than it did last time he was in it.

Starwind sits him down and has him go through one of the trance-exercises before getting to any actual magic. 

"Perhaps we start with something familiar," he says finally. "To ease you back in. A simple barrier-shield, please." He waits. 

He checks his center and ground and . . . stops. He should be pulling up some magic and weaving it into a shield and he's not. It's not ignorance, he remembers what the mental motion feels like. Picking up the magic just . . . doesn't seem to be an available option.

Starwind is pretty patient. He gives Abras well over a minute and doesn't sigh or tap his fingers or look visibly frustrated at all. 

"Difficulty?" he says finally. "Is there help I might offer?" 

It's nice of him to be patient when Abras is having a problem that doesn't make any sense. "I don't . . . think so?" He tries again, or tries to try, or something. It's like trying to walk off a cliff, if walking off a cliff was an objectively good idea and something he's done dozens of times.

Starwind does sigh this time. "What is giving you trouble, boy?"

"I'm not sure. It's not that I don't want to do it, I do want to, but I just. Can't start. Sorry, I know it's stupid."

"Hmm. It does make sense that you are out of practice and perhaps more nervous than usual." Starwind looks up at the ceiling for a moment. "May I go into your mind again and demonstrate it? Perhaps that will serve to remind you how to begin it, and that a simple shield is not dangerous." 

Abras remembers the last time Starwind went into his mind and showed him something, and where that led, and he knows he ought to say yes but instead he says "Um--" and also his heartbeat is very loud all of a sudden and it's very distracting. Also he's shaking.

"...Then I think not today," Starwind says. "Breathe, boy. Try to calm yourself. I am not going to rush you." 

"Okay." Of course Starwind's not going to try to rush him, the last time Starwind let himself have high expectations of Abras Abras threw him into a wall, it's impressive he's still willing to teach him at all.

Starwind leads him out of the room without speaking. 

The next few days are...awkward. Starwind tries one more time in the Work Room, the next day. Savil takes a turn as well. Then Moondance tries, soft and gentle and coaxing for half a candlemark. They even suggest he try it while sitting with Yfandes, but the comfort of her presence is going to be more than cancelled out by the lack of shields to keep Abras contained if he screws up, since she doesn't fit into any of the well-shielded Work Rooms.

Everyone is very patient and kind and nobody seems angry with him. They are starting to seem pretty worried. 

Abras is also starting to get pretty worried. Some combination of the panicking, the uncontrolled magic, and the head injury has left him unable to do anything more complicated than a personal shield, but he clearly still has the Gifts, just worse control of them than ever. That might not make him a disaster waiting to happen but he definitely can't rule it out. So he needs to do something to get himself unstuck.

He's lying awake in bed one night, too worried to sleep, alternating between contemplating the problem and contemplating the absence of Tylendel, when he comes up with an idea. The last time he did magic was when he was extremely scared, and he did lots of it, more than he ever had before. Maybe if he puts himself in a frightening situation again, one where he doesn't have time to dither and has to react immediately, that will be the push he needs to do something. It's a long shot, but being slow and gentle and cautious is clearly not working.

If he's going to do this--and it seems like a better bet than lying in bed being a miserable failure, he thinks as he stands up--he needs to be well away from anyone else so nobody else can get hurt. Outside the Vale would be best, both for distance from other people and for distance from the Heartstone, which he cannot afford to mindlessly grab at again. He grabs the warmest clothes he can find without waking anyone up and sets out for the nearest edge.

It's hard to miss the edge of the Vale. There's a shimmering sort of spark-y feeling barrier with a soap-bubble sheen to it, and on one side is verdant rainforest greenery, and on the other is snow and wilderness. 

There is, in fact, an alarm specifically laid to sense if Abras tries to leave unattended by one of the adult Tayledras. However, in an unfortunate confluence of circumstances, Starwind is keyed to it, and right now Savil is busying staying up late with him and getting him very drunk, of the opinion that this will help him 'blow off some steam.' If Abras tries to cross, the alarm will go unanswered. 

Out he goes! It's cold out but his metabolism is more functional than it was last time he was here, so it's merely "really unpleasant" rather than "promptly life-threatening". He goes looking for a tree to climb. He thinks if he can fall out of the tree from the appropriate height, while knowing that he needs to slow himself down with a burst of force, he'll have time to do it before he hits the ground and not end up with worse than a sprained ankle if he's too slow. 

Climbing a tree by moonlight takes a while, especially since his arms still aren't at their strongest. Also he keeps waffling between higher and lower--he wants as much time in the air as he can get, but not so much time he'll get seriously injured if he can't slow his fall. And then, once he's perched on a branch he's confident--okay, pretty sure--okay, one he hopes is the right height . . . he's too chicken to jump. And also too stubborn to accept that he's too chicken and climb back down. And also kind of worn out from hiking and then climbing a tree instead of sleeping. And he still, when he tries again, cannot get himself to use magic.

Maybe he can just stay on this branch until he's too worn out to balance and then he'll fall out of it without having to actually let go on purpose. And in the meantime he can think about how Tylendel would never have let himself get into such a stupid situation, because Tylendel was brave and capable of putting effort into things and now he's DEAD, and even if Abras had had his Gifts awakened sooner he still would have been too incompetent to do anything to save him and he would still be DEAD.

The night passes very, very slowly. 

Dawn arrives pale and grey and unsatisfying, and Abras is still in the tree and, while very cold, still has just enough intact motor function not to fall by accident. 

Then, with no warning, a branch cracks somewhere behind him–

–and he finds himself suddenly paralyzed, completely unable to move his limbs, and now he does fall out of the tree, hurtling downward headfirst with no way to even try to land on his feet. 

Then he will land on his back and get the wind knocked out of him! Not being able to breathe or move: fucking terrifying.

Fortunately the deep snow cushions his fall somewhat, but he's still going to be pretty stunned until his diaphragm remembers how to work again. 

...Voices. Footsteps. Getting closer. The voices are speaking an unfamiliar language.