"Questions. I think."

"Okay.

"I don't - understand why you kicked me out."

"- did you want to stay?"

"Yeah. I was - trying really really hard to get through it so that we could talk about things after."

"Oh. 

Figure - you hate being here, you wouldn't come at all if you didn't think I'd drag you, if you don't have to talk to me you can pretend none of this ever happened -"

"I wanted you to take a vacation because I thought it would be good for you. I also wanted to spend more time with you. Didn't want to mention it because I didn't want to seem like it was entirely for selfish reasons.

"It's really bad, when this is the only thing we ever do."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess so."

"You also didn't - it wasn't an offer, it was an order. Whether I wanted to or not."

"I don't - if it's an offer then you're rejecting me when you take it."

"I see."

"There's - probably something you could say to tell me I'm making things worse but it's -" Headshake. "Don't think it's fair to expect you to figure it out."

"It seems worse for you to - accidentally hurt me when you're trying to make things less bad."

"I want to believe that. But I think it's only true if the things you really want are - uh, if I'm usually making mistakes in that direction, thinking you don't want to be here when you do. I think it doesn't work if - and I think it's more often the other way."

"It would admittedly be much easier if I could trust that expressing preferences either way wouldn't make you angry."

"It will make me angry, sometimes. I'm - I'm trying to figure out what I think I ought to do when I'm angry. I don't want you to be better off lying to me."

"That makes sense."

"Talked to Fazil about this. He said -" Sigh. "I don't think I can reproduce it, it was very circuitous and careful. He thinks I should order someone far away to do a resurrection, if I were to kill you, and not give you back - that's not the main point, just, when I told him to say something I could actually do he said that."

"I guess that would be - good."

"It wouldn't come up. I'm not - not in control of myself, and you're very important to me. I don't think he was confused about either of those points, either. He just -" Sigh. "I wish you two could talk."

"I wish that, too.

"I wanted to write him another letter about what happened, but I wasn't sure whether it would be allowed through. Wrote a very short one about which spells didn't work."

"'m not - 

I'm trying to give you a lot of space. Maybe sometimes I shouldn't, but I'm trying not to - ring you round with traps, right. Haven't asked anyone to read your mail to Fazil. I guess maybe they're doing it anyway."

"I was told that all letters would be vetted for appropriateness."

"Well, fuck 'em. Tell them I said if they annoy you they can get assigned to the third palace."

"Hagan, I don't know who these people are, I was just told that they exist."

"I don't know either. No one wants to admit to any responsibility for anything, to me, they all just scurry off promising to find whatever underling spread such a lie. But you can write Fazil."