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May 29, 2022 4:09 AM
mohd dandelion in Amenta
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"Oh, I bet not, yeah."

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"Breathing in chlorine is nobody's friend."

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"I think some pools they manage with other chemicals? But probably those aren't any good either."

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"I'll add it to my look-up list." 

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"Anyway, it's getting a bit late."

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"Yeah. Have a good ride home." 

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"Will do!"

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Rhonda flops on a couch in the external house and Citruses "how to flirt with blues". 

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Apparently there's a movie with that title in its Oahkar translation and all the results are about that.

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...On a scale of one to ten, how unrealistic is it? 

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Reviews agree that it is not realistic, though some people thought the characterizations were realistic except when plot required them to do dumb things.

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Bleah. 

On a whim, she tries "flirting tips for aliens"

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This gets her a genre of romance novel (no instance of which is titled that) where aliens romance Amentans! The genre also contains at least one television show and a bunch of movies and some sequential art projects. Amentans seem to be really into being romanced by aliens.

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...Good to know...

Do any of the romance novels feature blues? 

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Yup, lots of them. Historical princes! Modern congresspeople and parliamentarians! Disaffected landowners! Widowed city planners!

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No one young like Kamuor? 

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The characters are usually fairly young - at least under twenty - and some of them are Kamuor's age, such as this prince and this junior judicial track blue and this university student and this mayor of a rural town.

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...

She looks into the university student one. 

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The blurb says:

Kadan is enrolling a trade policy course at Iahmero College, bracing himself for his late spring, when he meets Uipok - not once, but several times, as Uipok tries out disguise after disguise to find the one that will beguile Kadan. Why is the blue such a tough nut to crack? What's so similar about all these people who Kadan keeps encountering? And why does Uipok want Kadan's heart, anyway?

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...Okay, that's cute. 

She reads it, as well as she can, consulting various dictionaries as she goes. It'll be good language practice, whatever else. 

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It turns out that Uipok is a shapeshifting alien in the midst of the shapeshifting alien equivalent of springing and has alien mystical reasons to want Kadan in particular to father their children, since Kadan fulfills some kind of alien prophecy. Kadan eventually hits spring, there are humorous misunderstandings, there's some awkwardness about how much lying by omission Uipok has been doing trying to get Kadan to be into them, they pick a suitably devastatingly handsome form and whisk Kadan to their home planet where due to a shortage of prophecy-fulfilling mates they have a shortage of babies, and Kadan and Uipok fuck a whole lot and raise ten shapeshifting alien children there.

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Cute??? 

She looks up the one with the junior judicial track blue. 

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Nionan wants to be a responsible judge, never giving in to the temptation to deviate from her true assessment of a case, but while this suspect is certainly guilty - he's also from space. She can't put him in prison, but negotiating first contact proves more complicated than Nionan bargained for, and whatever is she supposed to do when he kisses her?

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Oh, wow, that's awesome. Also...more relevant than she'd like, maybe, considering her history as an unusually benevolent crime boss. She reads that one too. 

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The alien is brought in for diddling some financial systems, which he wasn't expecting primitive Amentans to catch but they did anyway. He reveals himself as an alien, trying to get off; when Nionan is torn about forwarding him up to the authorities - who might not jail him but certainly won't let him continue gallivanting about unobserved - he tries seducing her. They hook up, but she pushes him about taking her offplanet till he does, and there she discovers he's a SPACE CRIMINAL too. The ending is a little rushed, with Nionan pulling some Space Law shenanigans to get him remanded to her custody with compensation for his crimes on Amenta in the form of a shiny spaceship. The narrative promptly dispenses with the space part, giving some nameless greens the ship to reverse-engineer, and follows Nionan and her space boyfriend/prisoner having lots of sex and Nionan being awarded a bunch of permissions for the ship, which she takes advantage of by sleeping with her gay best friend and loaning him the kids while she's at work.

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