He's so gentle, as if he's afraid of hurting Chen.

Ben wants-- Ben wants a lot of things-- he keeps his hips angled away from Chen's. 

Yeah. Chen is doing that too. 

"You don't have to be so careful," he murmurs into Ben's neck. 

"Okay," he says, and his touch is firmer and he presses himself into Chen.

He makes a soft whimpering noise and presses back. 

Oh. Chen is-- oh.

Ben reaches up and starts touching his hair. 

Oh. 

Good ❤️. 

Ben presses his hips into Chen's and keeps touching his hair and says, "it's probably normal, right? A natural reaction to being close. Nothing to worry about."

(It's not, it isn't, he should stop this —) 

"Yeah," he says, instead of that, presses his head into Ben's hand. 

It's really not, for him. It's being sick and perverted and--

Chen's hair is so soft.

He's disgusting and taking advantage and Ben's hands are so soft.

This is such a bad idea, he knows it, but--

"When I was younger Asher and I used to practice kissing. So we'd know what to do when we met our true loves."

He should say no. 

He should say no and apologize for everything and get up and leave Ben alone. 

He leans forward and presses a kiss, very lightly, to the corner of Ben's mouth. 

Ben presses a soft gentle kiss directly onto Chen's lips.

"I love you."

"I love you," and he kisses him back, just as gentle. 

Ben cups Chen's cheek with one hand and puts his other hand in Chen's hair and kisses him.

It's been years but he still seems to remember how to do it; this is a thing with his tongue that Asher liked, let's see what Chen thinks.

Chen likes that a lot — his hands tighten on Ben's sides and he makes a low sound into Ben's mouth. 

Then Ben can totally keep doing that!

(He imagines that someone is forcing them to kiss-- some villain has captured both of them and she's making them kiss while she watches and if it's not good enough they'll be punished and if it is good enough it might be worse-- he moans.)

He's disgusting it's so so good and Ben would never do this if he knew and Ben wants this now and — what can Chen do but give it to him — 

He starts kissing Chen's cheek, his neck, his shoulder.

It feels so good-- so much better than with Asher, so much better than with Audrey, because it's Chen under him, warm and soft, and he wants to kiss Chen more than he's ever wanted anything else.

Kissing is everything anyone ever said it was going to be and more — Ben's mouth is warm and soft and Chen doesn't stop the sounds that he's making —

Chen isn't sick like Ben is, Ben knows; it's just a reaction to being close, to the kissing; Asher had had the same thing happen when they'd practiced kissing. But it's so easy to pretend Chen wants Ben as much as Ben wants Chen.

His hips start moving against Chen's without him really intending them to.

That's — Ben is so good and Chen is — 

He stops moving. 

"Are you okay?"

Whether he's okay isn't what's important.

"I'm fine. Just — can we just cuddle?" 

It's not an apology it's not even a confession but it's better than nothing, right? 

"Of course," he says. "I don't want to do anything with you that you don't want."