Ashka sits on his bed. 

"I might not approve of you fasting either, depends on how much you fast."

"I don't —" and he swallows and tries again, "I can't —" 

He sounds more than a little panicked. 

Ashka stands up and hugs him.

"It's okay."

He melts into the hug. 

Ashka is very warm. 

Navigating a person to sit on the bed with you while you're hugging them is complicated.

Fortunately, Ashka has practice.

That is fortunate. 

He presses his face into Ashka's shoulder. 

Ashka is going to pull him into a full-body cuddle.

He tries to stop himself, but — the rule doesn't mean anything anyway — 

Ashka is very warm. 

Ashka has a hand on the back of his head and is holding him protectively. 

"See," he says. "This is the best way to have a crisis."

He laughs, shaky, and holds onto him tight. 

"It's all bullshit and it's always been bullshit."

It's not. It hasn't. It can't have been. 

He doesn't argue. 

"When I first joined up I thought there was-- a point, you know. Kill and die for the greater glory of Tholassi. But I was always curious, and I stole a few of those books we were supposed to be burning, and. Well."

"It's not all bad, knowing there's no point. Lots of the stuff they forbid is fun."

His next breath comes out half a sob, and he clings to Ashka. 

He makes a soothing noise and starts petting Sataro's hair.

Having his hair pet is nice. Ashka still has nice hands. He's not sure if it's the alcohol or the closeness or both that's making him feel so warm. 

It could be both.

Ashka very deliberately presses a kiss into his forehead.

That's nice. Sataro kisses Ashka's shoulder, very lightly. 

Then Ashka will kiss him on the lips, sweet and gentle and innocent and pure.

....oh. 

Sataro doesn't pull away. 

Ashka's lips are so soft.

"See?" Ashka says. "It's not all bad."

"Yeah," he whispers, "yeah, it's not," and he leans forward and just barely kisses Ashka again. 

Ashka keeps pressing little feather-light kisses onto his lips.

That's — good. 

When this ends he's going to feel awful about it. But right now Ashka's touch is soft and warm and good.