— but Lev uses her name, and that's — that's so, so good, it took four words for her to feel okay again and that's — she doesn't want to let go of that. She leans back against the wall and puts her wrist between her teeth to keep herself quiet. 

All he can think about is the feeling of Raine's dick in his mouth, the softness of the skin and the way it slides, the way Raine smells. It drives away the self-hatred and the fear and the misery. He isn't thinking about being used or about sex with strangers. He feels loved.

He pulls off and rests his cheek against Raine's thigh and says, "I love your dick-- uh, sorry, do you want me to use a different word for it, because you're kind of a girl--"

Oh he's perfect. 

"Dick is fine," she whispers, "cock is fine, clit is fine — thank you —" 

Raine's gratitude sends a shiver through his entire body.

He returns to sucking on her-- clit?-- and pretty soon he's not thinking about much of anything at all except how he feels warm and safe and okay and loved.

She bites down on her wrist and puts her other hand in Lev's hair and lets her hips roll forward into Lev's mouth — it's so good, he's so good, his mouth is so warm and so soft and he calls her by her name and he cares about what words she wants and — right now it feels like maybe everything will be okay, like maybe she's okay, like maybe she isn't alone here — 

He's not alone, someone likes him, he makes Raine happy and that's the best thing he can imagine-- it feels like his entire world has been reduced to his mouth and lips and tongue and throat and to Raine's clit--

She's not alone she's not alone there's someone here who cares about her someone who wants her to be okay even if she has nothing else she has Lev — she swallows down the sounds she wants to make but sometimes a tiny broken noise slips through — 

When she makes a noise his hand goes back between his legs. He's trying his best not to make noises but his breathing is heavy and he hisses.

Oh god oh god oh god he's so good — she bites down harder on her wrist, tightens her fingers in Lev's hair —

You can't talk with someone's genitals in your mouth. It's a problem.

He tries to convey anyway that she's beautiful and she makes him so happy and he loves her--

— and she squeezes her eyes closed and tilts her head back and bites hard on her arm when she comes. 

He kisses up her thighs and her hips-- she's still wearing a shirt but he can stand up the rest of the way and hug her close and kiss her.

She kisses him and sits down on the floor with him and hugs him tight, rests her forehead against his and interlaces their fingers. 

"Can you finish me off--"

She wraps a hand around his cock and kisses him again, slower this time, keeps her other arm around his shoulders. 

Oh, now he can talk.

"Raine, you're so beautiful-- I love looking at you and talking to you and touching you so much-- oh, that's so nice, oh-- I love you-- you're so beautiful--"

"I love you," she whispers, "I love your smile, I love your voice, I love that you use my name, that you care about what words I want — Lev, I love how much you care, I love listening to you, I love touching you, you're so soft, I love your cock, I love your mouth, kissing you is so good, hugging you is so good —"

"Ah-- oh god--"

He finishes.

He should leave. He should run. 

But he's been miserable for so long and Raine is smiling at him and he wants to stay.

She licks his come off her hand and pulls her pants back on and puts her head on Lev's shoulder. "Love you." 

"Stay for a bit?"

He sounds desperate. He kind of hates himself for it.

"Course." She shifts in a way that it would not be incorrect to describe as a snuggle. "I mostly came out here to have some space to think anyway. 'Nd you're warm." 

"I can be quiet and let you think?"

(He does not want to be quiet and let her think.)

"Or you can think out loud at me, sometimes it helps. —you might want to pull your pants up in case someone hears." 

"All right." He does up his pants. "--You're a girl, right? At least sort of."

"At least sort of — if I got to choose what I wore and whether I had makeup on and how long my hair was, I'd look the way I did at Ron's house all the time."