Half a second later there's a sword at her throat. 

Don't move. What are you?

Uh. Uh.

My name's Karen Teller and I'm a human and a vampire slayer and a second ago I was in a room with seven Quendi and I don't remember all of their names because I met them like half an hour ago and we were all really busy because we were all trying to get you back because you'd disappeared and I guess I found you but I think the spell went very very wrong somehow because I think it was supposed to bring you to us and not me to you and also oh crap you don't remember me at all do you that's terrifying I'm so sorry.

From what would I be expected to remember you?

Uh, the last year of spending like every day training me to kill vampires?

What is a vampire?

Oh man.

OK. OK. I can do this.

A vampire is a demon that's possessed a human body and sustains itself by killing other humans and drinking their blood, and also it's evil so it just kind of does terrible things for the fun of it, which it why we have to stop them.

Is there nothing better to do in - wherever you're from?

Than stop vampires? Um, I guess probably, but I'm sort of like sixteen and in high school and can't really do most important things and I have a magical destiny or something and it - seems like someone has to stop all the murder and stuff.

Um - is it - I know you get to ask the questions because you're the one with the sword and stuff, but do you know where we are?

Yes, I do. What's a human?

Oh man.

OK. Humans are - how do you explain - the ways we're different from Quendi, OK, um, we only live for about a hundred years and then we die, and we don't ever come back - well, really almost never - and we can't do the thing where you make an oath and then you get held to it forever, and - man, I just had a conversation with you like two days ago about how maybe we're attached to our spirits differently, but I don't super understand that and I guess you definitely don't remember it. Uh. Where I come from almost everyone's a human, and I guess there are some Quendi still but not very many at all - I mean I guess there are other people too, but like, the cities, the countries, all of those are run by humans and most people don't know that there's anyone in the world who isn't a human.

I'm not sure how much that helps.

What are the minimum conditions to keep a human alive indefinitely while people figure out what's going on here?

Uh, I need food and water and air - I guess I have air, this air is fine, and uh I guess I need to be in a certain range of temperatures but this temperature is fine too - and I need to be allowed to sleep and I guess that's all really unless someone like cuts my throat or something because I'm pretty sure I will die if that happens.

Oh, also my dog, he needs those things too. If he's OK. Man I hope he's OK.

How much space do you need? What does it need to look like? Do you need company? 

You said minimum to keep me alive. I'm not gonna die if I'm kept in a small ugly space, but I guess it'll make me sad if it's really terrible, and if it's too small for me to move around then I guess it'll be pretty bad for me psychologically and maybe eventually cause health problems, and I don't think I'll literally die if I'm kept in solitary confinement but I think I've heard that that can cause psychological damage if it goes on long enough and also the being terrified and confused is probably not super helping on that front. Uh, I guess I really also need a place to go to the bathroom, but it probably wouldn't literally kill me if I didn't have one, it just would really really suck.

It'd be cool if I could stay with my dog but I guess he probably won't literally die on his own, as long as people can hear him ask for things over osanwë and, like, give him food and stuff when he needs it.

Is it safe for other people to touch you?

Should be, as long as there's no stabby touching. I guess some kinds of touching would be upsetting? But it's not gonna kill me.

He does not quite say 'I really really don't care about upsetting you' but she's known him for long enough that she might be able to read it off his face a bit. 

The door opens. Some people come in. Some of them scoop up Wishbone, carefully. Two others take Karen's arms and press her back against the wall and frisk her for weapons and then hold her against the wall with painfully tight grips.

At that point, he sheaths the sword. 

Someone removes his personal possessions from the room. It's clearly a study or something; there are maps and tapestries. 

You and your dog can safely remain here indefinitely, with food and a chamberpot?

Yeah. Should be able to.

They back out of the room. They close the door. There are banging sounds from the other side of it.

Inform me if you need anything.

OK. Thanks.

My dog can talk but he can't talk out loud because he's a dog and I guess it'd be good if I had some materials to use to talk to him when he wakes up because - I think he probably has a much better idea what went wrong than I do.

What materials do you use to talk to your dog?

Usually he either types on a computer or we have someone bounce stuff between us with osanwë, but a pen and paper works too, I can write letters and he can point at them.

What's a computer?

She pets Wishbone, gently.

She sends an image of her computer. Computers are machines that have a screen and a keyboard and a part of them that does math, and you can type commands in through the keyboard, and the computer does math and makes lots of different things happen. It used to be that you could only use them for doing calculations and typing up documents and running programs that came on disks - she sends the image of a floppy disk - but now we have the internet, which is when a whole lot of computers send things to each other from far away, and people put information on the internet and then anybody with a computer and an internet connection can access the information and read about things.

Other people would explain it better but I guess you don't have other people.

Sure doesn't look like it. Do you know why we have you?