At the End of All Things Elves in Revelation
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"Okay. Is it okay if I read what you and him said to each other?"

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 "Yeah of course. We were planning the mail labels and then I tried to explain why Valinor is the way it is but I don't know if I explained it well, I've never had to before."

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"Okay." She picks up the conversation and reads through it on her way home.

And Cam announces that there will soon be monitored Valian mail labels.

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His roommates are pretty indifferent but the Internet is really excited.

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They will have the following categories! Suggest others in the comments if you feel they are inadequate!

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Religion! Art and literature! Music! Summoning! Personal ads!

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Preaching to Elves: bad plan, real bad plan. Art and literature and music are a good idea! Summoning probably doesn't need its own mail label but if miscellaneous has a high volume he'll consider it! Absolutely not!

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People can send personal ads in miscellaneous but if there's a personal ads section then they'll go there, it's clearly superior.

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The absolutely not is more about the idea than the mail label, yeah. Sigh.

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And what's wrong with the idea? Does he object to interracial marriage, too? It's the 21st century! People can fuck Elves if they please!

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The Elves are extremely unlikely to so please and the distance issue is irresolvable. They might be offended.

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Because humans aren't pretty enough? There are angels for that these days!

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No because they are prudes.

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What, literally all of them?

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Overwhelmingly. If people want to fling their personals ads into the abyss of Valinor they can have a mail label.

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They are very happy about it.

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"The, ah, history will come out now."

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"Probably. Who cares? - there might be people who'd go for a human, just for the 'won't end up married', there were during the war -"

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"Don't."

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"I promise if I get the impulse I'll go for a boy."

 

Everyone winces.

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Eyeroll. "Should I sort you some personals ads. What is your type."

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"This isn't funny."

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"I'm very busy doing important things, calm down."

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" - that reminds me, it's not very likely but if anyone cares to go volunteer at a lot of soup kitchens and see if it affects the Silmaril's opinion of you -"

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"Our annual donation budget does a lot more good than that."

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