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Maxwell Wax leaves The Grotto. Not a bad coffee shop by any means, but it's not a fun environment late at night. The students at UC*D start showing up to down buckets of caffeine, cover the tables in textbooks, and study silently until they fall asleep. Nobody talking, nothing interesting to eavesdrop on. People get antsy about that old guy from the philosophy department staring at them, when they're not sufficiently distracted by their peers.
The University of California at Sunnydale is a quiet place at night. Rumors of violent crime going around the student body keep them from causing a ruckus on campus after sundown. Max couldn't be happier about this- his apartment has thin walls. It's good to be able to get some sleep. Not like back at UCLA, no sir.
Oh, wait. There's someone out here, actually. Approaching quickly. Approaching very quickly. Someone with a reALLY MESSED UP FACE GOOD LORD SLOW DOWN WHAT ARE YOU WHAM.
Max is on the ground, and a bodybuilder with a freakish, wrinkled face is crouched over him, growling. Max is not pleased by this situatioCHRIST OW OH GOD WHY WOULD SOMEONE BITE HIM WHAT THE
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unblinkered
unblinkered
That gives him pause.
He looks down at the book in his hand. The book that isn't written in English, nor in anything he recognizes as a human language.
He looks around the magic shop warily.
"You- Slayer- uh- whatever your name is- I... what's... if I usually get eaten, then... who keeps this magic shop in business?"
He looks down at the book in his hand. The book that isn't written in English, nor in anything he recognizes as a human language.
He looks around the magic shop warily.
"You- Slayer- uh- whatever your name is- I... what's... if I usually get eaten, then... who keeps this magic shop in business?"
cross_and_bow
"Witches, relatively civilized demons. And some people who don't know they're buying real things - or actually aren't doing so; it sells plenty of, say, astrology. This particular shop I also vaguely suspect of not having paid rent for the last several years."
unblinkered
"Witches- demons- so, wait, demons- what- witches, is that just a word for people who do magic, what's- how dangerous is- why isn't everyone witches if that's the-"
Too many questions. Stick to one question at a time. Humans aren't like opening tabs on Wikipedia, he has to remind himself.
"...okay, what are witches. Meaningfully different from people, or not?"
Too many questions. Stick to one question at a time. Humans aren't like opening tabs on Wikipedia, he has to remind himself.
"...okay, what are witches. Meaningfully different from people, or not?"
cross_and_bow
"Witch means human who does magic. It's not a safe profession. I don't have a safe profession anyway, so I tried, but I can't get it to work, and the people here and all the books I've read can't explain it. There's no reason to expect you couldn't be a witch, but you are reasonably likely if you try to wind up addicted to magic or summoning something you can't handle or turning your skin inside out or antagonizing another witch."
unblinkered
"Wh- safe isn't as important as knowing what the hell's going on, what does-"
Wait.
"So, wait. Magic. What does it do, what's- "magic" is a loaded word, it could mean- does it play nice with physics? What is it?"
Wait.
"So, wait. Magic. What does it do, what's- "magic" is a loaded word, it could mean- does it play nice with physics? What is it?"
unblinkered
"And what kind of not nice? Does it- does it steal its stuff? Beat it up in the playground after school? Bribe it, blackmail it for favors? Take a bazooka to it? How badly is the universe broken right now?!
cross_and_bow
"...I'm tempted to pick one of those metaphors just to watch you notice how inadequate a description it would be. Yes, random vamp snack, witches blackmail the laws of physics. They have pictures of universal gravitation in bed with magnetism's girlfriend."
unblinkered
"That would mean... what, that the laws of physics are inconsistent with themselves, and magic fills in the gaps and helps its parts to not fall apart, as long as they work differently sometimes? That- I mean, you're joking, I'm sure that was random- but what is a good analogy? It's not just- please tell me it's not all a big mystery?"
cross_and_bow
"It's a pretty fucking big mystery, but I'm not an expert, since, see above, can't get it to work."
unblinkered
"...do you want help getting it to work? I would really love for it to stop being a mystery. Mysteries are bad."
cross_and_bow
"I would really like to be able to address the nasty bities of the world without shooting or punching them," she says. "So, sure, study magic, get back to me if you can diagnose my problem."
unblinkered
"And the best place to start would be... you mentioned there was a library? If there are books on magic I don't have to pay for on a UC-sun-D adjunct faculty wage, that would be ideal."
cross_and_bow
"The high school library has a better selection than the public library, but I don't know if you can hang around a high school library without looking like a total creeper."
unblinkered
Oh. Well, that's less inconvenient than it could have been.
"That's actually... that works, I think- I know a couple people who teach there- just Sunnydale High School, right- I'm sure I can get them to let me borrow. They might even be on our interlibrary loan service, depending on how the outreach is going..."
Okay, high school library has magic books. Good, um...
He's still in a magic shop. There's probably still things to investigate.
"...anything you recommend I buy here? For personal defense, utility, anything?"
"That's actually... that works, I think- I know a couple people who teach there- just Sunnydale High School, right- I'm sure I can get them to let me borrow. They might even be on our interlibrary loan service, depending on how the outreach is going..."
Okay, high school library has magic books. Good, um...
He's still in a magic shop. There's probably still things to investigate.
"...anything you recommend I buy here? For personal defense, utility, anything?"
cross_and_bow
"Did you get yourself a cross? Like on a necklace or something. It's not foolproof but it'll make you less appealing than the next snack."
unblinkered
He pulls out his makeshift plywood cross. The short piece has rotated some around the nail- he twists it back into place.
"I'm assuming this isn't good enough? What's with crosses, specifically?"
"I'm assuming this isn't good enough? What's with crosses, specifically?"
cross_and_bow
"Beats me. Crosses and holy water both. It doesn't matter if you think the theology's worth squat, it just matters if it's genuine holy water and a cross made with - intent to make a cross as opposed to incidentally because you're nailing together an easel. I wouldn't count on that one, just get a plastic one from a dollar store or something."
unblinkered
"Intent to make a- where do you get- how can it tell intent, that's- there's no- you'd have to set something up to watch a- and how are you supposed to sense- do they just, is it visual, is- do they- what?!
Maxwell gets the sinking feeling that magic doesn't so much blackmail physics as it does run amok in its house knocking things off shelves.
Maxwell gets the sinking feeling that magic doesn't so much blackmail physics as it does run amok in its house knocking things off shelves.
cross_and_bow
"I don't know. It works if they're drawn, assembled, whatever - you could probably repel a vampire with a gingerbread cookie if you had the right cookie cutter."
unblinkered
Deep breaths.
"So- you say repel, is it like... are they like magnets? Are they... psychologically afraid of them? Do they need to see it, or would it work if you hid one in a paper bag? What kind of protection is it?"
"So- you say repel, is it like... are they like magnets? Are they... psychologically afraid of them? Do they need to see it, or would it work if you hid one in a paper bag? What kind of protection is it?"
cross_and_bow
"They don't have to see them. It's psychologically aversive over a short distance and burns on contact, though I don't think you can actually kill a vampire with a cross unless it is also made of wood and stabbed through their heart."
unblinkered
"That... just... busted every half-formed hypothesis I had, actually. There is no reason..."
Crosses, whatever. Okay. Just... the cross thing probably isn't an unusually weird and complicated aspect of magic. There could be a pattern, if he can find more examples of what magic does and why magic might be inclined to make... deliberately-constructed perpendicular lines radiate fear towards vampires and, oh, also physically burn them apparently. As if someone decided crosses should have an effect on vampires, and then designed said effect using some set of magic tools. Max files this away for later investigation.
"So- you, what, you fight vampires for a living? How do you do that, if they're so much stronger?"
Crosses, whatever. Okay. Just... the cross thing probably isn't an unusually weird and complicated aspect of magic. There could be a pattern, if he can find more examples of what magic does and why magic might be inclined to make... deliberately-constructed perpendicular lines radiate fear towards vampires and, oh, also physically burn them apparently. As if someone decided crosses should have an effect on vampires, and then designed said effect using some set of magic tools. Max files this away for later investigation.
"So- you, what, you fight vampires for a living? How do you do that, if they're so much stronger?"
cross_and_bow
"They're stronger than you, they're not stronger than me."
unblinkered
Max is about to scoff, but then remembers that magic is a thing and that, assuming she's trustworthy about any of this, she has no reason to lie about this thing. She is probably extremely strong.
"...You said you couldn't demonstrate magic, earlier. I'd have taken superhuman strength as pretty good evidence."
"...You said you couldn't demonstrate magic, earlier. I'd have taken superhuman strength as pretty good evidence."