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Maxwell Wax leaves The Grotto. Not a bad coffee shop by any means, but it's not a fun environment late at night. The students at UC*D start showing up to down buckets of caffeine, cover the tables in textbooks, and study silently until they fall asleep. Nobody talking, nothing interesting to eavesdrop on. People get antsy about that old guy from the philosophy department staring at them, when they're not sufficiently distracted by their peers.
The University of California at Sunnydale is a quiet place at night. Rumors of violent crime going around the student body keep them from causing a ruckus on campus after sundown. Max couldn't be happier about this- his apartment has thin walls. It's good to be able to get some sleep. Not like back at UCLA, no sir.
Oh, wait. There's someone out here, actually. Approaching quickly. Approaching very quickly. Someone with a reALLY MESSED UP FACE GOOD LORD SLOW DOWN WHAT ARE YOU WHAM.
Max is on the ground, and a bodybuilder with a freakish, wrinkled face is crouched over him, growling. Max is not pleased by this situatioCHRIST OW OH GOD WHY WOULD SOMEONE BITE HIM WHAT THE
unblinkered
unblinkered
"That would mean... what, that the laws of physics are inconsistent with themselves, and magic fills in the gaps and helps its parts to not fall apart, as long as they work differently sometimes? That- I mean, you're joking, I'm sure that was random- but what is a good analogy? It's not just- please tell me it's not all a big mystery?"
cross_and_bow
"It's a pretty fucking big mystery, but I'm not an expert, since, see above, can't get it to work."
unblinkered
"...do you want help getting it to work? I would really love for it to stop being a mystery. Mysteries are bad."
cross_and_bow
"I would really like to be able to address the nasty bities of the world without shooting or punching them," she says. "So, sure, study magic, get back to me if you can diagnose my problem."
unblinkered
"And the best place to start would be... you mentioned there was a library? If there are books on magic I don't have to pay for on a UC-sun-D adjunct faculty wage, that would be ideal."
cross_and_bow
"The high school library has a better selection than the public library, but I don't know if you can hang around a high school library without looking like a total creeper."
unblinkered
Oh. Well, that's less inconvenient than it could have been.
"That's actually... that works, I think- I know a couple people who teach there- just Sunnydale High School, right- I'm sure I can get them to let me borrow. They might even be on our interlibrary loan service, depending on how the outreach is going..."
Okay, high school library has magic books. Good, um...
He's still in a magic shop. There's probably still things to investigate.
"...anything you recommend I buy here? For personal defense, utility, anything?"
"That's actually... that works, I think- I know a couple people who teach there- just Sunnydale High School, right- I'm sure I can get them to let me borrow. They might even be on our interlibrary loan service, depending on how the outreach is going..."
Okay, high school library has magic books. Good, um...
He's still in a magic shop. There's probably still things to investigate.
"...anything you recommend I buy here? For personal defense, utility, anything?"
cross_and_bow
"Did you get yourself a cross? Like on a necklace or something. It's not foolproof but it'll make you less appealing than the next snack."
unblinkered
He pulls out his makeshift plywood cross. The short piece has rotated some around the nail- he twists it back into place.
"I'm assuming this isn't good enough? What's with crosses, specifically?"
"I'm assuming this isn't good enough? What's with crosses, specifically?"
cross_and_bow
"Beats me. Crosses and holy water both. It doesn't matter if you think the theology's worth squat, it just matters if it's genuine holy water and a cross made with - intent to make a cross as opposed to incidentally because you're nailing together an easel. I wouldn't count on that one, just get a plastic one from a dollar store or something."
unblinkered
"Intent to make a- where do you get- how can it tell intent, that's- there's no- you'd have to set something up to watch a- and how are you supposed to sense- do they just, is it visual, is- do they- what?!
Maxwell gets the sinking feeling that magic doesn't so much blackmail physics as it does run amok in its house knocking things off shelves.
Maxwell gets the sinking feeling that magic doesn't so much blackmail physics as it does run amok in its house knocking things off shelves.
cross_and_bow
"I don't know. It works if they're drawn, assembled, whatever - you could probably repel a vampire with a gingerbread cookie if you had the right cookie cutter."
unblinkered
Deep breaths.
"So- you say repel, is it like... are they like magnets? Are they... psychologically afraid of them? Do they need to see it, or would it work if you hid one in a paper bag? What kind of protection is it?"
"So- you say repel, is it like... are they like magnets? Are they... psychologically afraid of them? Do they need to see it, or would it work if you hid one in a paper bag? What kind of protection is it?"
cross_and_bow
"They don't have to see them. It's psychologically aversive over a short distance and burns on contact, though I don't think you can actually kill a vampire with a cross unless it is also made of wood and stabbed through their heart."
unblinkered
"That... just... busted every half-formed hypothesis I had, actually. There is no reason..."
Crosses, whatever. Okay. Just... the cross thing probably isn't an unusually weird and complicated aspect of magic. There could be a pattern, if he can find more examples of what magic does and why magic might be inclined to make... deliberately-constructed perpendicular lines radiate fear towards vampires and, oh, also physically burn them apparently. As if someone decided crosses should have an effect on vampires, and then designed said effect using some set of magic tools. Max files this away for later investigation.
"So- you, what, you fight vampires for a living? How do you do that, if they're so much stronger?"
Crosses, whatever. Okay. Just... the cross thing probably isn't an unusually weird and complicated aspect of magic. There could be a pattern, if he can find more examples of what magic does and why magic might be inclined to make... deliberately-constructed perpendicular lines radiate fear towards vampires and, oh, also physically burn them apparently. As if someone decided crosses should have an effect on vampires, and then designed said effect using some set of magic tools. Max files this away for later investigation.
"So- you, what, you fight vampires for a living? How do you do that, if they're so much stronger?"
unblinkered
Max is about to scoff, but then remembers that magic is a thing and that, assuming she's trustworthy about any of this, she has no reason to lie about this thing. She is probably extremely strong.
"...You said you couldn't demonstrate magic, earlier. I'd have taken superhuman strength as pretty good evidence."
"...You said you couldn't demonstrate magic, earlier. I'd have taken superhuman strength as pretty good evidence."
cross_and_bow
"Oh, I wasn't counting that," she says. "I don't have anything to impressively bend in half, do you?"
cross_and_bow
"I don't know you that well, dude. Here -" She does a neat little backflip, and lands on one hand, then gradually transfers all her weight to one thumb. "I get super-strength, super-speed, a nice martial arts instincts package, and enough gymnastics to be accused of doping at the Olympics."
unblinkered
That is impressive. Not magic impressive, if she'd done it prior to the vampire attack, but the probabilities add up.
"...and that's enough to handle vampires? I mean... the one I met, for a few seconds there, looked pretty big, pretty mean. You mentioned a deceased predecessor...?"
The current worry is that the vampire situation is not under control. Second to the worry about whether physics is a lie, but that's background radiation to this entire thing.
"...and that's enough to handle vampires? I mean... the one I met, for a few seconds there, looked pretty big, pretty mean. You mentioned a deceased predecessor...?"
The current worry is that the vampire situation is not under control. Second to the worry about whether physics is a lie, but that's background radiation to this entire thing.
cross_and_bow
"I try not to do close combat. I mean, I could probably beat most vampires in close combat, but I have a crossbow, and they usually don't rise from the grave equipped with ranged weapons, so why pick a fair fight? And even if I could beat most vamps in close combat... well, there's most and then there's all. Adds up over long enough, I guess, and you wind up with dead predecessors."
unblinkered
"Rise from the grave? What... I assumed it was the bite thing, and you mentioned they needed to feed someone blood- is there more than one source-of-vampires?"
Asking about vampire mechanics. There has to be something more important to ask about. She doesn't know magic- she doesn't know why magic, even. Her expertise is the nasty bitey things, it seems, but... hrm.
He decides there isn't really a better way to get information at the moment, besides leaving and checking those books at the high school.
Asking about vampire mechanics. There has to be something more important to ask about. She doesn't know magic- she doesn't know why magic, even. Her expertise is the nasty bitey things, it seems, but... hrm.
He decides there isn't really a better way to get information at the moment, besides leaving and checking those books at the high school.
cross_and_bow
"The traditional deal is, vampire feeds you some of their blood, then they drink enough of yours to kill you, then you stay dead for three days which is plenty of time to get six feet under, then you find that you are a vampire and claw your way to the surface and begin preying on drunk teenagers and homeless people and so on."
unblinkered
"So... they're all, like, unilaterally evil man-eating monsters, then. Not... people. How smart are they? Is there some reason we haven't given the cops wooden bullets and wiped them all out?"