"Can I hug you?" 

“Yes of course.” Hug?

And then suddenly Sasha is clinging to Faye and burying his face in her shoulder. 

And Faye doesn’t really know how to comfort him but she can hug him back and rub his back a little and say, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, you’re in heaven now, he isn’t here won’t ever be here, you’re safe.”

"It wasn't, wasn't about deserving, that wasn't it I don't believe in deserving it was," and then he's crying too hard for words. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I believe you. If you say it wasn’t about deserving then it wasn’t. Maybe it was for Pearl and not for you. It’s okay. Whatever it was about it is never going to happen again, not ever, I promise.”

He nods — nods again, tries to believe it — holds tighter onto Faye. 

She’s just going to keep hugging him then. 

It might take him a while to let go. 

That’s okay. He can hug her for as long as he needs.   

When he does: “Feeling any better?”

"Yeah. 

Thank you." 

“It’s no problem. Really.”

"Still."

“I am sorry for the therapist, by the way. And the posters. You would think that literal Heaven would do better than that. If you don’t want to go back for the rest of it, we don’t have to. It’d be nice to do therapy at some point, but not if it’s just going to make everything worse.”

"....maybe some of the others will be better but if they've got thinspo on the walls I'm not really inspired. And I'm really happy with my choices re 'learning to accept your body.'" 

“Yeah, the posters were... yeah. Though you would think that at least ‘learning to accept your body’ wouldn’t have them? So maybe some of the others don’t either. Unless ‘learning to accept your body’ is really profoundly hypocritical. Your body is great as it is! Unless you’re fat! Which I guess wouldn’t be impossible, given that a trauma group put up no one can hurt you without your consent.”

"In any case I'm not optimistic. — if it's any help, most things in fact taste better than skinny feels." 

“...Thanks.

Also, sweat is not fat crying, sweat is your body trying to cool down because it’s hot.“

"Hey, sometimes it's a nervous response. Also if you exercise too much it starts to burn muscle and that's never good. Do you want to go back to the restaurant that sells nothing but free donuts and eat our feelings, I kind of want to go back to the restaurant that sells nothing but free donuts and eat my feelings." 

“You know what? Yeah. Free donuts sound great right now.”

They totally do. 

Sasha's not really convinced his body is going to change in any way in Heaven but maybe if he eats enough chocolate donuts his ribs will be less obvious, and even if they aren't he will still get to eat an absurd quantity of chocolate donuts. 

Faye has mixed feelings about how therapy went but decidedly unmixed feelings about chocolate donuts! Chocolate donuts are delicious.

Sasha's feelings about therapy are not mixed at all but he's pretty sure Faye already knows that. 

Yeah. Yeah, she does. At least their feelings are in agreement on donuts?

(female lesbian monogamous soulmate who brings him to all-female trauma support therapy and likes audrey lorde) 

At least. 

"I wonder why literally nothing in our house is soft."