"Even a sandwich can be very complicated, Marlo. For example, there's the positive effect of the enjoyment you yourself have from eating the sandwich, and negative effects such as the fact that the tomatoes were picked by slave labor and the bacon produced by tortured pigs."

He was mostly asking how you get a number from that, but if Michael doesn't want to tell him then Michael doesn't want to tell him. He nods. 

"If you don't have any more questions, I can show you to your house."

"There's nothing else I particularly need to know, no." 

And the office disappears! They're suddenly in the living room of a small cottage.

The single word that best describes the cottage is "cozy." There are only three actual doors; two have large windows and appear to lead outside, and the third must go to the bathroom. There are half-walls that seem to indicate that various sections of the cottage are intended to be separate rooms, but there's no privacy; anyone in any of the rooms can see inside any of the other ones. The kitchen is tiny, more useful for heating things up than for cooking; there's a tea kettle and a microwave and a fridge, but very little counter space and no stove. The living room has soft plush couches and chairs and bookshelves covered in knickknacks instead of books. Art adorns all the walls-- beautiful natural scenes, portraits of Biblical scenes, inspiring messages, fantasy art where knights kneel before lovely maidens to swear their fealty. 

There's only one bed in the bedroom.

The person reading a book on the couch really, really doesn't look like a woman. 

She-- he?-- is very short for a man, but that's the only sign of his-- her?-- femininity. The person has short, neatly trimmed hair and a square, masculine jawline; he or she is well-built, broad shoulders tapering to a narrow V of his or her hips. 

"I'm Chris." The person's voice is deep. "I assume you're Marlo."

"Yes, I am. It's — good to meet you." He wants to say more than that but the words are not arranging themselves into sentences. 

"Apparently we're soulmates."

Chris seems to have a grudge against this entire idea.

"Apparently," he agrees. He's — she's — Chris is his soulmate and he wants to make a good impression but every sentence he can think of to come after that sounds incredibly stupid. 

"You missed the orientation."

"Marlo and I had to talk through some unique characteristics of his stay in the Good Place."

"Did you."

"What orientation was this?" he says, instead of elaborating on the unique aspects of his stay in... Michael seems insistent about calling it the Good Place but Marlo can't actually make himself use the term, not internally. 

"They add up all the good things and the bad things you do in your life. Doing good things means you go to the Good Place, doing bad things means you go to the Bad Place. They're being very mysterious about what the Bad Place is like. There are three hundred and sixty two people who have all been selected to create a harmonious afterlife together. Soulmates, apparently, exist, and you're mine. There's an absurdly cheerful robot lady named after the female protagonist of Rocky Horror who can answer any question and create any physical object you want, but don't say her name, it summons her."

"I don't actually know the name of the female protagonist of Rocky Horror, but I'm sure I'll hear it at some point. I did ask about the adding up but he didn't seem to want to tell me how they get their numbers." 

"Oh, it's a very complicated system, Marlo. You'd have to study for tens of thousands of years to be able to understand it."

"You don't know the name of the female protagonist of Rocky Horror? But Michael said you were American." 

"I am American." He does his level best not to sound offended.

"What gay boy in America hasn't at least heard the soundtrack to Rocky Horror?"

"...I'm not gay." 

He's about to correct himself to "bi, then" and then he looks at Marlo's face.

"This place," he says to Michael, "is very poorly run." It sounds like he's cursing.

"All we want is your eternal bli--"

"I realize. Get out of my house."

Marlo is fairly sure you are not supposed to tell the person who has just welcomed you into Heaven to get out of your house, but there is part of him that agrees that this can't possibly be the best way to introduce them. He keeps very quiet and very still. 

When Michael leaves, Chris's face softens. "I apologize. I clearly misunderstood some aspects of the soulmate selection process. It was not my intention to erase your sexual orientation."