"Thaaaaaat makes my staking hand itch."

"Staking?"

"Staking. It's the weapon of choice for close combat with vampires. ...Which have managed to stay quiet about existing for a long damn time but I'd be very surprised if they were still pulling it off in the thirtieth century."

"I would expect to know about it if there were vampires."

"Maybe they're extinct, that'd be mostly good."

"Only mostly?"

"Sherlock's a vampire."

"How'd I guess."

"Because I look like the sort of person who mixes business and pleasure?"

"Maaaaaaybe."

"He's a well-behaved vampire these days, quit eating people when I met him."

"How polite."

"Yep. This even though I spent that entire first meeting trying to shoot him."

"I am more and more convinced that he and I are fundamentally similar in some way."

"Do I seem like your sister-in-law besides how I look?" inquires Bella.

"Mm... hard to tell. I don't know her as well. Our longest conversation took place with her tied to a chair. There are definitely obvious superficial differences, but I don't know if there are non-obvious non-superficial similarities."

"It's a long story, how much of it would you like?"

"The outline."

"She was on the planet when my creator went ahead with the substitution plan. I did a flawless Miles, right up until she picked me up and kissed me, and then the obvious flinch reaction gave me away and I had to stun her and drag her off. I particularly wanted to talk to Miles alone before they had him killed, but since she was there too, I arranged a private conversation with her after the one I had with him. She didn't take it nearly as well. They're all alive and free now, by the way, don't be alarmed."

"I'm a little alarmed, but alive and free is good."

"Yes. My creator handed me a deadly weapon to demand that I shoot Miles with it, and I declined to act as expected."

"You and your creator have a much different relationship than Sherlock and Tony did. For that matter, I think you and Miles do too."

"...Were Sherlock and Tony by any chance having sex with one another?"

"...wouldn't floor me, hasn't come up, I was referring to the part where they got along on a much more basic level."