She approaches the bar, frowning. "I think I'll pass on the drink. Singular kama plural kyma magic used kamai; the stuff I'm wearing is mostly kamai tools of one sort or another. Where did the door go? Why did I wind up here in the first place? I was trying to get to vi'Naav's office..."

"Sure you'll pass? Bar's very good at drinks, and the first is free. Door went somewhere probably, you wound up here for reasons, I have no idea who vi'Naav is but that's a really cool name. What's yours?"

"I'm sure. Vi'Naav is a title; my name's Leekath." She sniffs the air. "Is... that blood?"

"Yes! Virgin's blood, in fact, apparently it really is magically delicious. Good nose there. Nice to meet you, Leekath, I'm Leo. Vampire of the Red Court and layabout aesthete."

"Oh, there's already anywhere between four and ten different kinds of vampire depending how you count it, what's one more. I suppose you'd be, I don't know, Blue Court or something. What's your lot do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about with courts. I'm White Line, but somehow I don't think that's what you mean. What do you mean what do we do?"

"Well, there's Red Court, which I am, we're delightful rubbery monster things in human flesh and we drink blood. There's Black Court, they're dried-up rotting corpses and they drink blood and get everybody pissed off about vampires by being generally awful. And the White Court eat emotions and sparkle and are a bunch of prissy little twats. Oh, and there's the Jade court but they stick to China and I know fuckall about them. I think their legs are stuck together or something."

"Well, usually I go for the neck, but it all goes down my throat anyway. What, do you have to use a straw or something? Bar can probably provide."

"I have to drink from the vein or a bag, it has to be pressurized, I can't swallow. And I still don't want anything from the bar, I fed recently."

"I'd find a way to make room, this stuff is delicious, but if you're watching your weight I won't push. Can't swallow, huh. Interesting. I'm not going to make any crude jokes about that, because I happen to be a gentleman. Well, actually that's a filthy lie, but implying a crude joke is pretty much the same as actually making it for my purposes."

"Dating a breather. Very interesting. I grew out of that a while back."

"A breather? You don't breathe? My family says bleeder, because they're racist..."

"We don't breathe, no. I suppose you could call it racist. But, you know, vampires being immortal and all, it's not the greatest idea to date food."

"My kind of vampire isn't immortal."

"Sorry about it. I suppose I won't be dating you, then. Or, I don't know, whatever male relative looks most like you. Wouldn't happen to have a brother, I suppose?"

"Ah well. I'll find some nice monster who can tolerate my neurotic ways eventually. Anyway, you never answered my question, what's your species like? You drink blood, you breathe, you're mortal, you have families, you date food. Any fascinating quirks? Repelled by holy objects? Turning into bats? Kill people with sex? My kind have a party trick I can demonstrate if you like, it's great fun."

"...I turn into a bat," she says. "Why would we be repelled by holy objects...? I'm not sure I want to see a demonstration of any unexpected trick that belongs on a list near 'kill people with sex'."

"Huh, you actually do turn into a bat. Weird, that's one of the more inhuman Black Court tricks, I'd expect you to be on the vanilla end of the spectrum. And most vampires are actually repelled by holy objects. Supposedly we're repellant in the eyes of Whoever, and Whoever lets us know it. And the party trick is nothing like the sex thing. Really, you could call it the opposite of that."

"I go to temple routinely," she says. "And pass missionaries on the street with, you know, normal amounts of annoyance. What is the trick, then?"

"Religious vampires. Something new every day. Anyway, the trick..." He stands from the barstool and grabs the top of his head. In one fluid motion, he rips off his skin and stands before her, a slimy red bat-thing with an enormous dripping tongue. And a stupid grin on his face. "Abracadabra!"

"Eugh," says Leekath.