"It does seem like which orders are illegal in a marriage would be substantially different than those which are illegal in an army, but I do not know what precedents exist there... It may be a concept that needs developing, especially in a Chelish context."

"I was thinking about that. I feel like in the Cheliax of my day, and in other places, it mostly works to assume that people are in good faith trying to build something together, and surrounded by family and friends who'll intervene if one of them is doing something horrendous, and among Chelish people I have confidence in none of that. Someone should probably do the work. I know everyone associated with the Church has a hundred higher priorities.

...one advantage that we will have is that this will be very high profile, so we can use it to set useful precedents about the vows and get lots of attention and publicity for associated publications for the Chelish people about marriage and how and why to do it. If we want to establish a rule here we absolutely can. But that will be a lot of work, and you're very busy."

"I think we should plan for a wedding some time after the convention has ended, unless it drags on for over a year - Forms of the Monarchy is working on a constitution though, so it is my hope that we'll be done before winter - so I hope there will be time to determine what precedents we wish to set."

"That sounds good to me. Another of my questions was - among my beliefs about marriage is that a woman should not contradict her husband publicly, nor take a stance on important matters where she doesn't know his, which makes Republican speechgiving difficult. The easiest solution is probably to marry after we have done enough Republican speechgiving to last both our lives."

"That seems like an adequate solution, assuming that you'll be content after the Convention; if you wish to take your seat in the senate, whatever form it has, then that might be more of a concern."

"Being your wife is an important demanding political job. It will be my first priority as a political job. I do not think it would make sense for me to pursue a seat in the senate on top of it, at least not now, presuming you'll hold one."

"Well you might be entitled to one automatically, as a duchess in your own right, so no pursuit would be required, only claiming it and exercising it. But - I agree that it would not make sense for us to have separate political careers that might be at cross-purposes."

"I am comfortable with spending my career in your service though if you want that to be 'starting today' it will be difficult in that I've made various commitments in exchange for small favors or to deescalate small arguments over the convention so far and would like you to either inherit those debts or give me time to clear them up."

"No, far more reasonable to start when the convention is over and we're actually married."

"Next on things I expect we agree on but want to clarify explicitly; women should before marriage be chaste, which does not just mean avoiding risking pregnancy but avoiding any kind of intimacy with men. No one considering how women can exercise virtue was considering expectations for petitioners in Axis at all because they're not the same kind of thing." If she just slips that in very blandly maybe he will not feel like it needs detailed contemplation which cannot possibly go well. "Women should after marriage exercise the same care, or more of it if their husband is an important man and the slightest appearance of impropriety important to avoid. Men are in principle held to a symmetrical standard, but they absolutely are not, except maybe in Lastwall they actually are. It is not actually emotionally important to me that you don't have mistresses but it seems spectacularly unlikely somehow."

"In Lastwall as in all places many men have mistresses, or use prostitutes, though that is shameful and dishonorable. I won't have any mistresses." He's quite confident on that point.

Seems like a point one can have justified confidence in if fifty years old and a lifelong celibate. "It is most important for children to be with their mother, when they're young, and no wealth substitutes for her entirely, though we will be doing as much hiring for help as we possibly can, given everything else we are trying to do. When they are older they of course benefit from the involvement and presence of both their parents but their father makes decisions about their education and their marriages though I'll want those where it's relevant to Chelam's heir. If a marriage has fallen apart badly between two nobles the boys younger than five and the girls younger than nine live with their mother and the older ones with their father."

"This seems reasonable though we may wish to make special provisions for some older children to live with you if things fall apart, as it will be hard to cultivate an heir to Chelam from Lladó."

"That makes sense and we can put something appropriate to that situation in the contract language. People should endeavor very seriously not to get divorced, but sometimes do, usually for egregious misconduct by one party. Adultery qualifies for women but not for men. You may ask me under a truth spell but it's rude to do it often and if you have queries about my conduct before marriage you are supposed to ask those before marrying me. Serious criminal conduct qualifies. Neglect qualifies, assuming you've tried to fix it; disobedience qualifies; there's not much else that does, and one really ought to try quite diligently to just solve the problem if there is any prospect it can be solved." She is perhaps slightly overstating the norms of Arodenite Cheliax in the direction she'd prefer them.