"She, she had good intentions, it's — actually yeah you're right fuck her." He's saying this between sobs. 

"I could not give less of a shit about what her intentions are, she made you cry." Lev kisses his forehead. 

He cries harder and clings to Lev. 

"Shh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I've got you, I'll protect you, I'm not going to go anywhere."

"It, she didn't even know I'd left, she thought I'd just been busy — maybe he lied or maybe she's just like that, she kind of is just like that but also he would — one of the things she called you was cishet, and then she claimed you'd —" 

"...I'm definitely cis but I'm also like ninety percent gay, I guess I've never come out to a journalist but like. I'm dating a man."

"Yeah. 'S what I said." 

He presses into Lev's chest like he thinks that if he just tries hard enough he'll disappear. 

Lev holds him tightly. 

"Sorry, we don't have to talk about how dumb your ex's friend is if you don't want, I just. She's really dumb."

He laughs. It's not funny. It's a little bit hysterical. 

"She tried to invite me to a party her band was playing at — something about recovering from abuse culture, and she thought I was hypocritical —" 

"I'm going to guess she's not exactly an expert in avoiding abuse culture, whatever that is, is she."

"No — it's the idea that our culture enables and facilitates abuse, which I can kind of see but they are not nearly as good at countering it as they think they are — I told her Malcolm threatened to kill me and she said it was probably a kink thing I'd misinterpreted and I shouldn't put police attention on the community and I should talk to him about it before I said anything publicly and then she told him I'd told her —" 

"Wow, fuck her."

How tightly is it physically possible to hold another person? Let's find out.

"You don't have to call the police if someone threatens to kill you but you can if you want to, it is an okay and reasonable thing to do."

"I didn't wind up doing it. I stayed for months after that. I shouldn't have." 

Lev should definitely keep holding him. 

Lev kisses his forehead.

"It's not your fault. It's hard for people to leave abusive relationships, especially when they don't have any support at all."

"Does it matter whether it was my fault or not?" 

He's not expecting an answer. 

"...No. I'm pretty much going to hate everyone who hurts you and to want to keep you safe and happy even if it is your fault. I'm biased like that."

He cannot physically be any closer to Lev without removing clothing. "We should go home." 

"Okay." With one hand he texts Alex to come back and drive them home. He doesn't let Sasha go.

He doesn't stop clinging. 

When they get home they have to let go of each other at least a little bit. Just long enough to get inside and to Sasha's bed. 

Lev can walk with his arm around Sasha's shoulder and his side pressed into Sasha's side.

Sasha leans on him kind of a lot. Barely pauses to take his shoes off before he pulls Lev down on the bed with him. 

"I'm here, it's okay, I'm going to keep you safe. --I can just hold you if you want, or you can talk about it, it's up to you."

"He never tried to say it was my fault, or that I deserved it, or whatever — I almost wish he had, I would have noticed that, maybe I'd have left — he always said that he couldn't control himself, or that it was necessary — he always wanted to know exactly where I was, he said that was keeping me safe, he'd hurt me and then hold me and cry and say he just got so worried and I'd apologize for scaring him and — he always said he had to keep me safe, he never just said he was going to, it — I'd feel warm and safe and loved for an hour or a day or sometimes a week and it would be so good —" 

Lev stashes Sasha's Apparent Ability To Feel Warm And Safe And Loved When Being Abused into a corner of his brain to freak out about later. 

"I think if he was actually worried about you he would have left because he was the primary thing you had to be worried about. --I don't, I never want to hurt you, please don't ever think you have to change what you're doing to stop me from worrying--" 

"I know he wasn't really worried, you don't hurt someone that often if you're really worried, but I didn't know that then — and he'd hit me and then cry and say he was so sorry and he was just so scared I wouldn't know what was dangerous for me and I'd get myself hurt without him, and I'd be so focused on making sure he was okay that I'd forget that he hit me in the first place — and, and it's not like there were never good days, sometimes he'd be sweet and it would be the best feeling I could imagine, I had no idea what it was like to be in a relationship where I wasn't on edge all the time so I thought 'things are going well right now!' was the best it could get, I didn't," and he doesn't finish the sentence, just buries his face in Lev's neck.