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Taliar in Evil Arda
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And he is alone with the crowd of strangers holding his soul, alone and abandoned and utterly despairing, unable to conceive of ever being okay.

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He does not leave him like that for very long. He lets go.

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He's crying, that's the first thing he notices. He's crying and - it's so hard to think of anything but the pain - but he can, now, and so he thinks about Maitimo, thinks about how much he loves him and trusts him and how incredible it is that they can do these things together and still be okay with each other, how wonderful it is to be Maitimo's miracle. And continues crying. He is going to be crying for a while. That's okay. He'll be fine eventually; he knows his strength.

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When he's pulled himself together a little - you could tell me to stop -

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I could, he says, and doesn't. Love you forever.

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Love you too. He hands him the daffodils.

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He can hear her voice and see her eyes but he knows where he is and who he's with and he feels - less sick and awful inside than he used to, definitely.

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Oh, good, it's working, he says, and concentrates on how many strangers he can convince Taliar's soul are holding it.

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He has to imagine each one individually, he can't just think 'ten thousand' and have done with it. But if he tries, he can still get up to some pretty significant numbers.

On the bright side, Taliar is completely incapable of thinking about Nahira while fifty imaginary strangers have their phantom hands on his soul! He is in fact completely incapable of having any experiences that aren't intense overwhelming unbearable agony and violation and despair and horror!

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Oh, good. Maitimo will let go and cuddle him while he cries despairingly.

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He cries very despairingly. He clings to Maitimo.

He doesn't feel betrayed or abandoned at all. He feels - respected, cherished, loved. Rescued. Oh so very rescued. It hurts so much, the soul-contact-with-strangers feeling, without Maitimo to hold onto, but Taliar could ask Maitimo to stop if he needed to and he isn't, he won't, he knows he's strong enough. He loves Maitimo so much. Maitimo is so beautiful and brilliant and terrifying and glorious, so good at taking him apart, so delightfully fascinated by the way he puts himself back together.

Love you forever.

And there's something else - one of those feelings he gets that tell him where to put pressure on his mental state if he wants a certain result, except it takes him a few seconds to figure this one out because it's not a direction he's expecting, and then it clicks and he laughs, laughs with tears still running down his face, and reaches for Maitimo and kisses him and -

I want you to fuck me, he says, please, my love, light of my soul, my glorious rescuer, I want you to have me right now and be rough with me and I want to know how much you like it, look at this, aren't I amazing - and he shows Maitimo how utterly terrifying the prospect is and how it lights a fire in him anyway, how it's better because he's so scared, and the shape in his mind of how it will help him if Maitimo lets him have this, how what he needs right now is to experience terror as something beautiful and good, to want it scary and have that want fulfilled and to experience being appreciated for it, to celebrate his own resilience in the most direct possible way. He feels like such a miracle right now. It's ridiculous and wonderful and he loves it. Even just asking is helping already, starting to turn his pain and fear and helplessness into love and joy and fulfillment.

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I can never deny you anything, he says with a laugh. Not when you ask like that - my Taliar -

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Taliar kisses him again. You're so good to me, my love.

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He holds him down and kisses his hair and laughs.

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And he can feel the weight of a mountain pressing down on him, and the fear and the memory of pain feels good, he can still feel Maitimo kissing his hair and it's lovely, it's exactly what he wanted. He loves his terrifying boyfriend so much.

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You are amazing, he whispers, you are miraculous. 

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Love you so much, love you forever, love the way you take me apart...

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Any time, dear.

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It's so good, it's amazing, he loves Maitimo so much, he's so happy. Terrified out of his mind and deeply in love and gloriously, ecstatically happy. It works exactly the way he thought it would.

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I have not let you do anything interesting for months now. Want to go teach my father your language?

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He giggles. Yeah, that sounds like fun.

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Maitimo's father is delighted to talk language and very disinterested in talking anything else.

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Taliar is also delighted to talk language! He has noticed all these interesting differences between Quenya and Nuimena, it's fascinating, did he hear somewhere that Quenya was deliberately invented? Nuimena was not, it's descended from a handful of unrelated languages that happened to come out well at the end of the Soul Wars, that's why it has at least three different words for most things and approximately one and a half somewhat mismatched alphabets. Languages are fun.

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Fëanor would like to learn all three, please.

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Taliar has an extensive vocabulary and knows a lot of etymological roots but he doesn't actually speak any of the parent languages. He's happy to teach Feanor everything he does know, though! Languages: they're great!

And after a day of that he would maybe like to eat a meal and sleep a night, and then would Maitimo like to resume rescuing him?

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