This post has the following content warnings:
Taliar in Evil Arda
+ Show First Post
Total: 3471
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

 

I love you, he says, and holds him still in his arms and considers.

Permalink

I love you too.

He closes his eyes and rests in Maitimo's arms and focuses on the nice cozy safe feeling and manages to be only minimally afraid.

Permalink

And after a while he pulls Taliar's face towards him and holds his head more firmly and kisses him and murmurs love you, my darling, my Taliar...

Permalink

 

He freezes, and starts crying, and it takes incredible willpower to keep himself from trying to fight or run, but the outcome is never really in doubt. If there's one thing Taliar has, it's incredible willpower.

Permalink

He makes a delighted sound and sends him a burst of affection. 

Permalink

It's still glorious to feel Maitimo's love for him, but the joy feels vague and distant, it can't hold on against the horror.

Permalink

He sighs, exasperated, and picks him up and carries him off to bed.

Permalink

Taliar cries, and tries to shift himself into a more cooperative frame of mind - tries to hold onto love, spite, anything at all - and he can't do it, he can't make himself stop feeling sick and awful and helpless and terrified, he can't undercut those feelings with better ones. All he can do is exert his will to make himself cooperate despite the overpowering urge to scream and struggle. But he can do that much. He is strong enough for that.

Permalink

Maitimo tells him that he's so lovely and so obedient, and otherwise barely talks to him at all.

Permalink

It is unrelentingly miserable. It might be the worst non-soul-touching thing that's ever happened to him. But his will never fails, never even looks like it might.

Permalink

He takes his time. 

 

He holds Taliar afterwards and does not say anything.

Permalink

He breathes deeply and reaches for the warm safe being-held-by-my-lovely-boyfriend feeling. It doesn't come.

He tries love, next. He can tell that it's there but he can't feel it; there's just a fog of dull horror where the experience of the emotion should be.

He covers his face with his hands and sobs quietly.

Permalink

"Taliar," he says, "pull yourself together and go get me your soul."

Permalink

 

 

Okay.

He takes another deep breath and presses his hands against his face to stifle the sobs, wipes the tears from his cheeks, breathes, breathes, sits up and gets out of bed and goes to pick up his soul. Every step is an act of will but he is never going to run out of that. He holds his soul tight enough to bruise his hand, and he stands there with it for just a couple of seconds, and then he returns to bed and lies down next to Maitimo and offers him the glowing golden bird.

Permalink

And he takes it.

Permalink

Fear and horror and pain and anger and betrayal and - the sensation of a void where once there was a cherished trust -

And under all that, deeper and purer, poised like the ocean at low tide: the determination to love. Loving Maitimo is a choice he makes and he will not abandon that choice. He doesn't know how, he doesn't know how long it will take, but he will find a way to be okay, he will find a way to reclaim the full depth of his love.

Permalink

He listens for several hours, considering.

 

Then he lets go.

Permalink

Taliar finds that he is crying again. That's an awful lot of crying, he might be in for a headache if he doesn't drink some water or use his healing aura. He can't muster the energy to even begin to plan to do either of those things.

Permalink

If he hasn't fallen asleep or pulled himself together in an hour he'll tell him to heal himself.

Permalink

 

Okay.

He heals himself. The incipient headache goes away.

He is having difficulty getting to sleep. Maitimo's bed just isn't the safe comforting place it used to be.

Permalink

Well, eventually he'll probably be tired enough.

Permalink

 

 

 

Doesn't look like it.

Permalink

Then in the morning he'll get up, kiss his forehead, and get to work.

Permalink

Taliar curls up alone in Maitimo's bed. It feels much safer without Maitimo in it.

First question: is he going to try to sleep now, or is he going to try to get up and go about his day like nothing is wrong? He contemplates doing the second thing. He observes that if anyone notices his unhappiness and asks what's wrong he's going to have a really hard time not answering with 'the King raped me' and that seems like an outcome he should avoid for numerous reasons. It won't make anything better, it might cause problems for Maitimo, it will interfere with his ambition to spite all the people who'd think they couldn't have a healthy relationship. Okay, taking the day off and avoiding everyone it is.

With that decision made, he hugs his soul against his chest and lets out his healing aura just far enough to cover the bed, and this is comforting enough to let him finally fall asleep despite the light.

Permalink

He summons him to dinner in the evening.

Total: 3471
Posts Per Page: